Thursday 24 December 2009

Following on...

from last post, decided to suck it up and not get all Christmas crazy, but to make a Christmas dinner and try and bring a bit of spirit to our little part of Japan.

Ryota suggested I cook Christmas dinner tonight and I agreed, however he acted like this would cure my homesickness and make everything better, but he still didn't get the fact that I really don't like cooking that much! It never tastes as good when you do it yourself... Plus, MIL has made 'back-up' sushi, like she's already writing off my effort. To make matters worse, it's now 7:30 and Ryota still isn't home and everything is going to taste like shite anyway. So much for making an effort...
Probably doesn't help also that Ryota and Ash's stockings are all full and waiting for them and Mummy gets zip. Ryota and I had a big discussion about presents last night which ended with a big "mendokusai" from him, but we'll leave that for another present related rant I'm brewing...

OK, better go do the bath thing by myself. Merry fucking Christmas Japan, should have ordered Kentucky after all!!!

Monday 21 December 2009

Damn snow has sucked me in

It snowed yesterday! And apart from being bastard bloody cold, it was very pretty and seeing as though I was brought up with Chrissy stinking hot but always had fake snow and christmas cards with snowy scenes, I started getting a bit Christmas sick.

Don't get me wrong, I like Christmas, but since being in Japan I've never really got into it, it's just not the same here. I thought seeing as though it was Ash's first Chrissy I might have got more Christmassey but I find it pretty depressing when it's just me and a gibberish talking chubby boy doing it. I haven't even put up a tree because Ash will just pull it down/ use it to spear someone/ choke on a decoration.
Ryota will be working all week so we really won't be having Christmas, I had a big cry the other night about it and Ryota was all like "OK, we'll definitely go home for Christmas next year or we can just go back to Australia permanently!!!" which was sweet, but he just doesn't get it, I want to live in Japan, I just sometimes want a teleporter to take me for Christmas dinner at Mum's!

I was thinking of attempting to do a Chrissy dinner but there are oven size issues, the fact that I only have two burners on the stove and that my Christmas dinner won't contain Hondashi, Soy sauce or mirn so Ryota would eat it but it would be wasted on the in-laws. Plus i just can'tbe arsed...

I just hate the atmosphere Japan has at Christmas, ie. none.
Saying that, I like the atmosphere of new Year better here than home, so I guess you can't have your overpriced crappily decorated Christmas cake and eat your Oseichi too...

Tuesday 15 December 2009

Is it really just me!?

So thanks for all the comments on my last post, it is good to get other perspectives on the whole babysitting issue. However...

I have to say I disagree with most of them. If my sister had a part-time job and I wasn't working and she asked me to look after her baby, (my niece/nephew) I would never take money. I would think she would offer and I would refuse. I think she would also be very grateful and do me little favours in return, or return the favour when I needed it. Am I seriously the only one who thinks it's weird taking money when it's family??

Now if it was 9-5, and everyday then that's different, but I teach private English lessons so I usually leave the house at 9:30 and am back by 11:30. 2 hours, maybe 2 or 3 days a week. I also feel weird now because I would usually go to the bank or the supermarket on my way home and use my bicycle to save petrol money, but now I'm on the babysitting clock I ride back as fast I can to avoid another hour. Cheap?? Really?

If I was going out drinknig or with friends I'm more than happy to pay, but I'm doing a job, 1 hour lesson for 3000 yen, but with babysitting costs it's down to 2000 yen. I'm inclined to leave Ash with the toothfairy as she's offered to take him any time for free but that would rock many family boats and I'm not up for that kind of drama just yet.
I should also mention I usually give Ash brekky before I leave so there's usually no feeding involved and unless he shits himself no nappy changes even. Really, I should pay???
I also leave her at my house where I would expect a paid babysitter to stay (with cable TV, full fridge and kotatsu) but like most Japanese kids she still relies on her mummy and grandmummy and I come back to find grandma playing with Ash most of the time. Really????

When we were growing up my Dad always said "God helps those who help themselves!!" Man I can just hear his voice.... And by God he meant Mum and Dad, for example, when I turned 15 and was old enough to get a job he said for every interview I did he'd give me $20 and if I got a job he'd give me $100. It wasn't a fortune but it was definitely inscentive enough to get off my arse and get a job, which incidentally I kept for 6 years through school and university. I really want to follow through with this with Ash, I think it's good for kids to learn that if they're doing their best andgiving it a go then they'll be helped out. My family is also about looking after your own, so maybe that's why I'm weird about paying a family member when I'm ganbatte-ing it, not just bludging.

Maybe I am just being cheap, but SIL is in Hong Kong this week and I have offered to take over dog walking duties for her. Should I charge her for it?? It's the same shit right?? Of course I would never think of asking but if it's going to be petty then I don't know...

Anyway.... In other news. Ash took his first steps the other night and I had a cry while all the in-laws looked at me like I was an alien and then took the piss out of me for crying. He looked so damn proud of himself bless him.
I saw an awesome fight on the train yesterday, Obachan got pissed at two young para-para girls who were talking too loudly on the train and started bitching at them, was very loud and un-Japanese to have a full-on screaming match on the train instead of ignoring, loved it!!!
I mentioned a while ago we were looking to rent a space so I could teach private lessons there, well, we may have found the perfect and not too expensive space and I think we're going to go for it! May crash and burn but it's not that big of an investment to start so I figure even if we fail at least we tried and didn't just pussyfoot around.

Think that's it... Going to my old company's Bonenkai tonight, love that I don't work there anymore but still got an invite, if we don't start a school I definitely want to work there again, if only for the drinking parties...

Thursday 10 December 2009

The things I miss...

Oops, been a bit between blogginess lately, I've been busy with work is my excuse and I'm sticking to it!
Although I do have 4 students now, and getting out of the house is so good, if I've learnt one thing from this whole having baby experience, it's that a good stay at home housey wifey type, I am not.
We're paying SIL 500 yen an hour to look after Ash while I'm working which pisses me off because I'm incredibly cheap. Is 500 yen average?? High?? Low??? Not up with usual babysitting rates but fuck me she's got nothing better to do, but I won't get into that little caper...

I miss a lot of things about pre-baby life. I miss being on my own, I miss not having to worry about anyone else unless I wanted to, I miss going out on a whim, I miss having the energy to dance and drink all night, I miss going to work after one of those nights and stumbling through the day and then falling into bed, I miss working for that matter, I miss dressing up, I miss being totally selfish... I miss lots of things but fuck me the thing I miss the most, is sleep.

And you know something, I never appreciated bastard sleep when I was single, I used to bitch and moan that I was an "insomniac"!!!! God I was a fucking dick. But now I can't sleep properly, I daydream about having a full 10 hours, even 4 would be good at the moment.
I can safely say that Ash has never slept through the night. Ever. EVER! he's almost 1 people!
I know some babies are better sleepers than others but it just seems ridiculous. Now the western approach leans towards independent sleeping and in a routine, if this helps him sleep I'm all for it but of course the 'Kawaisous' could be heard all over the place when i mentioned trying to let Ash cry it out for a short amount at a time to get him used to getting to sleep by himself. I researched it, I got some great advice from Sassymoo, and i even convinced Ryota that we needed to at least try something different. He got partially on board, but after the first night trying, Ryota went to get Ash after a crying spell and Ryota just couldn't hack it.
I must admit, I blamed Ryota for quitting, but secretly I was dying inside too, Ash was shaking and just looked sooooo scared, I don't think I could have lasted much longer.

We've had some horror nights lately, with him waking up every hour and going right off and there was one night where I just sobbed and howled right along with him, I couldn't help it. He's still sleeping with us and he's still waking up a lot, but the only thing he's done the last few nights has gone to sleep (laying on top of me!) by himself, fairly quietly. It's got to be a step in the right direction!

Sleep deprivation can do things to your head, I've felt like a walking zombie lately and am seriously considering not having any more kids, don't think I could go through another sleepless year!

Friday 4 December 2009

The in-law shit has hit the fan...

And it's spraying allllllllllllll over the place....

Well, not literally, that would be messy, there's loads of them...

But there has been so much going on in with the neighbours and in-laws in our lil' hood I may just have to go ahead and bullet point my arse...

  • Hmmmm, let's start with the garden blow-out. So my green thumb is more like a brown, dead, festering thumb in that I really don't like gardening. Which is funny because it should be in my genes, my parents house in aussie has this massive beautiful garden, and while I like looking at it I'll be fucked if I can be bothered looking after anything, hell I have enough trouble looking after my son and I have motherly instincts and shit to help me along there! I think I even killed a cactus once, which is almost impossible I don't think those spiky bastards even need water! So when we moved to our house and Ryota broke the news to me that it had no garden, on the outside I was all "Ohhhh what a shame, I'd love a garden!" But on the inside I was actually doing a little, woohoo, no-garden!!!! dance. So when a few plants started mysteriously appearing outside our house (and i should point out that every other bastard house is covered with bastard pot plants) I was a bit suspicious but I wasn't looking after them either so I let it be. A few turned into a house lining and it wasn't really a problem until recently when Ryota has been bringing the truck home from work. We have a parking space that we pay for but we obviously don't want to pay for another one for the truck so we park it on the street, ok shitty bit of gravel, outside our house. So the other night when I was guiding him in so he could get close enough to the house so bikes and stuff can get past, the plants were really in the way and Ryota chucked a wobbly, moving them out of the way grumbling that we didn't want the fucking plants in the first place. Grandma came out to see what all the noise was and they basically had a huge argument about the plants. Grandma's argument was that we had to have plants. Why? Because everyone else does. Fucking hate that. Pleased to report our house is now plant free.

  • The last post about Grandma's annoying tactics, well I bitched to Ryota about it and the silly bugger went straight over and told Grandma off, WITHOUT TELLING ME FIRST! I was really pissed yet glad he wanted to stick up for me. But more pissed!!! I was like , "Thanks sweetie, but next time just tell me first and I'll stop you." I wanted to bitch about it, not have a huge argument. All this led to an apology mail from MIL and Grandma saying what I think was sorry the next time I saw her but can't be too sure because it was in mumbly old people speak.

  • The crazy cat-loving neighbour stuck her big fucking nose in the other day but she is really fucking crazy and is seeing things so I can't be too pissed at her. Ash was asleep, and I was in the house doing something upstairs when he woke up. Of course he roared when he woke up and nobody was there and I went straight downstairs to get him. While this everyday event was going on, the crazy woman next door had run to the in-laws house in a huge panic saying "The baby's crying and she (as in me) isn't there!!! I just saw her walking out!!!" Ummmmm, unless there's another slightly giant like gaijun struttin around my hood, no you didn't love. Was soooo fucked off, for a start it's none of her fucking business and even if she was just being a good neighbour, she'd had to have been 100% sure that she did actually see me, and I'd been in the house all fucking morning!!!

  • I've had a lot more private students lately and am working an average of about 3 days a week but lately I've been feeling that whenever I drop Ash over at the in-laws, if MIL isn't there I get this feeling that they don't really want to look after him. I don't know whether it's just me being paranoid because I feel guilty leaving him there all the time but I'm sure there is definite weird feelings. Now if it's just Grandma, I won't leave him there, she's 80 something and shouldn't be running after an over sized baby at her age, but SIL and BIL are both pretty much free all the time. BIL has no job and spends the rest of his time sleeping or wanking in his room, and SIL works maybe once a week tops and spends the rest of the time sleeping or playing with/grooming/patting/making out with her dog. No, seriously, the dog has her panties in her mouth when she goes for a shower. Weird dog busines going on there. We're solving this problem by giving SIL money for babysitting Ash when I'm working from now on which is still BS to me but whatever.

Oh living so close is always fun...

Saturday 28 November 2009

My love hate grandma

Today it's hate.
Like hate as in I want to take that little old lady scarf you're wearing and wring your wrinkly neck with it woman.
Of course tonight when we go into Osaka to get on the piss it will be love when I leave her looking after my monster for the evening until I stumble in.
Naughty gaijin mother that I am and all.

This morning reeeaaaallllllyyyy pissed me off. Now, I'm not by any means a good parent. I don't read parenting books, I don't have any real parenting plan, I'll probably be the lazy cow who sleeps in when there's a PTA meeting and will encourage Ash to skip the club activities because I just can't be arsed going to freakin baseball games on a Sunday morning. So when I actually decide to do some parenting, I guess I don't really have much ground to stand on.

There are no dividing doors between our kitchen and the area where ash plays, which is ridiculous because there were doors there originally but they looked too 'Japanese' for Ryota's liking, which is ironic, seeing as though, err, he's Japanese and we live in Japan? Anyhow, our kitchen also has a big kitchen table with storage shelves which is gold in the land of no storage space, but a disaster when little hands can get to things like breadcrumbs which get in every. fucking. corner of the damn kitchen.
I've tried blocking with chairs, distracting with TV, toys, bribing with food, nothing works. Little bastard always ends up in the kitchen touching something that's going to cut or burn off a body part.
Sooooo, this is why we invested in the play pen. Resembles a brightly coloured animal cage, but I'm all for it. Filled with toys and keeps the monster away from my kitchen. Now we only have two problems with the pen. 1) Ash screams the minute he's locked in. 2) The chorus of "Kawaaaaiiiiisssoooooooouuuuuuuuuuuuu's" that follow from the various in-laws scattered around the perimeter of my house.
I can deal with crying, as long as he's safe and nothing is actually wrong, howl away buddy, Mama will make her coffee in (some sort of) peace without the fear that you aren't going to come and dump the kettle on top of your head.

So this morning, I was doing something in the kitchen, and sure enough, Ash came and pulled a stack of bowls off the shelf and one shattered, which is not only a pain in the arse to clean up, but also dangerous for little hands. I was well pissed and decided to put him in the pen while I made brekky. Following putting him in the pen, which I might add is full of toys and actually quite big, he then proceeded to howl the place down for a good 5 minutes. I immediately heard the kawaisou chant begin from Obaachan and did the appropriate eye rolling and muttering of English obscenities under my breath as she opened the front door and shuffled in.
She then pulled him out of the pen and told him how bad it was he'd been put in the pen. Great, I'm trying to teach the stubborn little bugger he can't always get his own way and then he's being told he can cry and some sympathetic old J-lady will come and rescue him in any situation.

But it didn't end there, I'd made his breakfast by then and she stayed THE WHOLE TIME while I tried to feed him. Now usually he eats his toast like a pro with great motor skills, but as he was distracted by Obaachan playing with him he wasn't eating properly. She started on about how the toast was too big and the poor thing couldn't eat it when I wanted to say, well of course he can't concentrate and eat it with you all up in his grill! (Is the gangster grill even spelt like that or am I referring to a cooking appliance...??)
She also turned the chair around so he could watch the TV (which I'm not keen on getting him into the habit of doing), and tried to get him out of the chair so she could hold him while I fed him, but I drew the line there and told her I didn't want him to get into the habit of not eating in his chair. She brushed me off and told me he's only a baby and that wouldn't happen but unlucky for Obaachan, she's not strong enough to lift him out of the chair. (Look at me bitching about a feeble old woman!!!)

I thought that was going to be it but I didn't escape a lecture on hanging clothes out and that I was doing it the wrong way. Apparently peg placement is very important in the world of a Japanese house wife

OK, I'm off to measure how many millimetres apart my pegs are placed on my knickers...

Thursday 26 November 2009

I did it!!!!

This is quite late... But fuck it, I grabbed that 10km run by the balls and finished it in 69 (hehe!) minutes!
When I ran it 2 years ago I took 90 minutes so I was well impressed that despite pushing a watermelon out of my nostril this year I did the chubby gaijin community proud and finished in style!

I was chickening out biiiiggggg time the night before and moaning that I wasn't going to be able to do it, luckily Ryochan slapped me about the head (in a metaphorical sense) and told me to wake up to myself and just have fun. He said if I wasn't having fun then I really should quit and he was right, I was forgetting why I like running.

I've been pretty busy this week with a new private student and I also got my spouse visa this week so I've been a busy little bee!

Looking forward to nothing but a bit of housework and coffee with Sassymoo tomorrow!

OK, here are some marathoney piccies!

Totally out of order buuuuttt....

The play room where Ash spent the time I was running.

All red-faced and proud after the run!

Fucking random Japan, a huge bastard Doraemon in the middle of nowhere.

Family shot at the beginning of the run.

Daddy and the monster.

Nervous before...

With BIL and my number...

Next is a half marathon... Ganbaru waaaaaa!!!!

Friday 20 November 2009

Veal's off...

And so are the photos. Why? Well, because my camera hasn't left it's safe little case all week due to my sheer laziness.
I've actually had a lot of photo opportunities too, shopping trip with Sassymoo and her Princess P, Ashton being his normal weird self and a few trips to the pond with some lovely Autumn leaves, although kinda over the Autumn leaves pictures, as pretty as they are, I feel waayyyy too Japanese if I spend all my seasons taking piccies of trees while marvelling at the fact that Japan actually has 4 seasons as opposed to far inferior countries like Australia where it is summer all year...

So instead I will give you a cop out linky, any one who has ever worked eikawa in Japan will relate to this. I laughed my arse off because I'd heard a lot of them before...

What else, what else.... Got my hair done this morning, was most disappointed to discover my hot hairdresser has quit!!! Bastard, he was the only reason I went to that damn salon, will now be searching for new salon with hot hairdresser and if I can't find a hot one I'll be going for a cheap one.

Had a mild panic attack last night when I got lost on Japan's jungle roads, it wasn't really that hard but when you don't know where the fuck you are, it's enough to make you panic. Luckily, I called Ryota and he was working really close so his boss was kind enough to drive him to where I was and he rescued me. I then had to make the apology/thank you/ so sorry/ I'm forever in your debt phone call to boss man for said kindness.

Ashton can now: point at random people, point the remote at the TV, bye bye with great finesse, banzai!!!, clap hands, and blow raspberries.... but only on my leg, and only on the fat bit where it makes a whopping great noise.... cheeky boy.

I'm doing the 10km run on Monday, fuck, on Monday! I did a trial 10km run yesterday and it took me a bit under 80 minutes which isn't going to get me any medals but at least I won't be last, I hope...
There is a cut-off though, if you haven't done 5.1km in under 45 minutes you're out and they open the course to cars. Sorry mate, just not good enough kind of thing. And I can just see it now, I'll be like 10 metres from the cut-off point and they'll slam the gate in my face and point and laugh and say "Stupid chubby gaijin, you thought you could run! Mwah hahahaha!!" Well maybe not to my face, but I'm very very scared of looking like a big tit in front of loads of fit Japanese people who will feel sorry for me. I like running but I like doing it at my pace, which just happens to be very slow. If I'm too slow for the cut-off point I'll definitely be faking a leg injury, just telling you all now.

So wish me luck, I'll post photos of when I'm done! (Or of when the ambulance is carting me away with my fake injury...)

Monday 16 November 2009

The good, the bad and the fucking horrid mushroom mistake.

Ok, first, the good-
Went drinking on Saturday night with Sassy C and it was awesome!
Was great to have some real conversation with someone who I didn't have to think about how to talk with, if that makes any sense... I think one of the biggest thing I miss living in Japan is being sarcastic, I'm usually the queen of sarcasm but it's just lost here, so going out with another Aussie was great!

We also live really close and will live even closer when she moves next year so I'm excited to have a mate that I don't have to travel ages to see. I think regular mummy de-stressing drinky nights are very much in order.
I had a hangover, but nothing a nap and a double quarter pounder didn't fix.
I was also that sozzled that I slept through Ash waking up and Ryota had to tend to him, apparently I was snoring with my mouth open! Sucked in, I usually wake up if Ash rolls over, so it was good to be oblivious for once.

Next, the bad-
My in-laws have been pissing me off since last night, don't really know why and it's mainly Grandma, but I wanted to tell her to bugger off this morning when she came in AS SOON AS WE WOKE UP and started banging on that Ashton was obviously cold and needed to wear a vest straight away (he was still in his jammies).
They have also been letting him do anything he wants while he's at their house, and I don't think I have bitching rights here when they are taking him while I do shit, but still, I feel like saying "If you let him take all the shite out of the cupboard under the sink, he's going to think that's ok and want to do it in my kitchen, where he will have his hand slapped!"
I know babies are babies and they get into shit, but Ash is a smart little cookie and is remembering things like pointing the remote at the TV and holding phones to his ear, (definitely Japanese!) so it's quite obvious he's capable of learning things. I'm trying to teach him NO and give him praise when he does something good so he won't just have everything taken off him, but learn what to touch, or not what to touch more importantly. But at the in-law house anything goes, he trapped his finger in the ice tray thingy this morning and I was like, err, why was he in the ice tray???

Grandma also pissed me right off last night when she almost gave Ash takoyaki that had fallen on the fucking floor. Not that the floor is filthy or anything but they have a dog. Dog goes outside and steps in germy shit then walks over the carpet. Common fucking sense in my opinion. Lucky for me Ryota yelled at Grandma and they had an argument about it so I didn't have to. But after that Grandma got all impatient and moody.
I've never been around old people, all my Grandparents died before I was born but since living so close to Obaachan I've realised one very important thing about oldies, they're moody bastards. And so they should be, I mean they've been around too long to put up with shit but it just takes a bit of getting used to for me. We'll see how it goes anyway.

Ok, finally, the horrid mushroom.
I have a thing with bits of food on the floor, can't bloody stand it. So the other day, I went downstairs at 4am after Ash woke up, so lil bit sleepy and thought I saw a mushroom on the floor (we'd had nabe for dinner). To my horror and disgust, it was a fucking gross slug!!! There have been a few of them coming in lately and the minute I touched it I just wanted to vomit. Will make sure not to just pick things up next time!

Friday 13 November 2009

Immigration foto Friday

We went to the immigration office today with all my paperwork to get my spouse visa. What a fuck around, had to write a novel of how and when we met. Didn't think, 'met at pure pissed, dated for, hmmm 2 months...?, got knocked up, quickie city office wedding' would go down too well so fibbed a bit and said we were overjoyed when our planned pregnancy was discovered cos you know, don't want to look like too much of a skank.

Had to include photos, love letters (I only had a birthday card) and all sorts of things but hopefully it will go through and I won't be deported...
Ryota was being horribly racist at the immigration office going "Look at the Philippine woman and her ugly salary man husband, what a loser!!!" Although, I had to agree, he was a typical ugly-salary-man-marry-an-asian foreigner/slave type.

Had a mini, ok major melt down yesterday about being a massive failure but I'll save that for another post...
Going for drinks with Sassy C should relieve the tension and stress a bit tomorrow! Woohoo!!

Oh and for those enquiring minds on the country music, Ryota LOVES American country music, I don't know why... it's quite rare for a youngish Japanese guy I'm guessing. I'd like to say I hate it but to be quite honest some of it is quite catchy... But yeh, not really a country music fan...

OK bring on the foties

Nothing cuter than a baby's arse...

Getting ready to blow out the candles on my two birthday cakes!

Showing off my birthday prezzies with traditional ridiculous wrapping head gear...


My brass balls son attempting to climb on the 2 year old Birthday boy, poor Toshi-kun is such a placid little thing he let him!

Wednesday 11 November 2009

Put this through your speaker buddy!

Not exactly sure what that title even means but couldn't think of anything inventive...

When I got pregnant I was very freakin scared. Scared of pushing the thing out, scared of having to take care of another human, scared of how my life was going to change but most of all I was scared of losing my Independence.

Living in Japan you get your in dependant shoes pretty damn quickly, stumbling through things that you wouldn't even think were hard in your native tongue, ummm helllooooo rusted mobile phone!?

So when I thought about quitting my job and being totally reliant on my husband, at least for a little while, it was a daunting time. I cringed at the image of me wanting to buy some knickers and having to go and get money from hubby, or Ash needing stuff and having to explain purchases and what not.

So damn lucky I married a Japanese guy! The one who has no independence turned out to be Ryota, not me! By his choice, not mine, he religiously hands his unopened salary to me, complete with pay docket (not that he'd cheat or anything!) and tells me to deal with it. He gets 10, 000 yen a month for ciggies and any clothes or anything else he needs, I buy for him or we buy together.
And lucky I'm not a bad budgeter, when I was in Australia, our rent, water bill and parking space fee weren't paid! Despite my strict instruction, the pay envelope was just sitting in the drawer less 10,000 yen. Dickhead.

I guess it's better this way but I was wondering how it was going to work when it came to my birthday present, he couldn't really come and ask me for the cash, I thought he might have borrowed off his mum or something. When he gave me a big box with Abercrombie & Fitch New York plastered over it, of course I was ecstatic and even happier when I got my beautiful, pumpkin-coloured, warm but not itchy warm, fur collar down coat which I want to sweat my titties off all year just so I can wear it. But I was thinking, hmmmm where's the money going to come from and how much did this cost...? Of course it was a gift so I couldn't ask how much it was, but after a teeny tiny bit of Internet snooping I discovered exactly how much it was and almost choked on my gingerbread latte, hmmmm gingy latte....

I let it go though, he works, if the sneakiest thing he does with HIS money is buy me expensive gifts then fuck it, who am I to complain!?
I did solve the mystery in the end though, yesterday Tay-chan (the car, remember!) came home with suspicious, expensive looking black things embedded in her dashboard. After making sure they weren't bugs to rate my hideous singing ability, it was ascertained with a bit of pushing from Ryo-chan that they were in fact, new speakers. Hmmm, now where did the money for these ridiculously over priced little bits come from? Well the same place where my jacket money came from. When we traded whaley-chan for tay-chan, the tax dropped dramatically and we got a refund for what we'd already paid. I'd forgotten but turns out Ryo-chan had the loot and had used it to pay my prezzie and the speakers. Speakers, not so happy about, but I just look at my jacket and the angry feelings melt away...

We also agreed that as a 'Christmas present to Tay-chan' we would buy one of those ipod dock thingies so you can play your ipod in the car, it's getting ridiculous me singing along to Ryota's country music CDs, and the fact that I'm starting to get the slack jawed yokel accent when I sing along to them is fucking scary...

Nigh night.

Monday 9 November 2009

NO sankyou

I'm sorry, but when did 'sank you' get integrated into the Japanese language, you have a word for thank you people, use it!!

I can deal with the gaggles of school girls screeching "Baiiiiiiiii Baaaaaiiiiiiii!!!!!" even though my ears have come close to bleeding on occasion, and I even found it amusing when I first came to Japan when I would order an "orange juice" and be met with a blank stare until I said "Ooorenji juusu" and was given a hearty smile and an enthusiastic "Kashkomarimashita!" But really, lately the stealing of the English words and butchering them is annoying me.

Uh oh, am I turning into one of those bitter people who live in Japan for waaayyyy too long and get all cynical and twisted about everything here...

Bitter or not, leave thank you alone.
I have now heard, on at least 4 separate occasions, 'sank you' used. The first I could forgive, it was at a shop, directed at Ryota and I so I thought it might have been for my whitey arse benefit, the second I could also forgive because it was a school girl who had been on homestay in Australia for 3 months, but the last 2 were complete random, no whiteys in sight 'sank yous.'

Of course, most Japanese people know how to say thank you in English, it's a common word after all, like I know how to say it in Spanish or Italian, and I guess I shouldn't bitch too much, I mean ask an Aussie if they want to do Karaoke and they'll probably answer with "Huh?! Whaddja say?? Ahhhh Carry-ohhh-keeeyyy!!!" We butcher J-words just as much I suppose... Anyone for a drink of Sarrrkeeeeyyyy??

I'm not sure when I got so protective over the English language, but fuck me people, they've stolen enough words for now, there was a whole cunting alphabet invented for stolen words, leave us alone!
Sadly, it may be beyond my control now though, I was amazed that when Obaachan was quizzed on what English she knew, (which incidentally was more than dumb arse BIL) she was able to mumble "solly," "harro," and.... yup, "sank you." She even extended it and tried to say "sank you bery bery machi" when my mum was here but forgot the 'machi' so didn't work out for the poor petal. Oh, and she also knows "Taaaaaaaaaaaaaaaaa," as Ash is in the giving and taking things stage and I'm encouraging Taaaaaaaaaaaaaaaaaaaaaa every time I take something from him.

i have friends who get incredibly annoyed when they can speak Japanese and a Japanese person tries to speak to them in English, especially really bad, broken English. I'm not quite there yet because 1) My Japanese isn't good enough that I wouldn't prefer English, 2) I remember when I couldn't speak any Japanese and would almost hump anyone's leg who spoke the Queens to me, and 3) Relllaaaxxxxx people! Although I was quite pissed with the USJ girl who told me the stroller couldn't go in the attraction, when I gave her a filthy look she took it as I didn't understand so just started yelling "Buggy No! Buggy No!"

Does anyone else get annoyed by bad English???

Friday 6 November 2009

Foto Fiday

Mum goes home today, actually leaving for the airport in about an hour. I had ANOTHER baby free lunch today! Hurrah, fucking love them.

Looking forward to getting back in the swing of normal life and hopefully starting work again soon. Most of all I just want my routine back and the house to be clean because at the moment it looks like a bomb has hit.

Mum going back the last time she was here (3 years ago) Have we changed??

Ashton boy

hehe About 15 minutes after Ash was born and I'd been stitched back together. I think this is a very 'shindosou' piccie, as in We. Were. Fucked.

MIL and ma

Mum, me and my HUGE FUCKING GUT!!!

Wednesday 4 November 2009

USJ stands for...

Uber Soppy J-couples...? Ultra Smoochy Japanese...? Ultimate sexy joyfulness...?

OK, it actually stands for Universal studios Japan, and it's where we went the other night, but fuck me if anyone was wondering where all the sexual tension and affection was being sucked into, just go to USJ and you'll find it!

There must be some small print on the entry ticket that says 'If you are a couple, you must hold hands/smooch/cuddle and be as lovey dovey as possible to gain entry.' I swear to god there was inappropriate groping going on and all! It was nice to see but annoying because my BIL was the only one not pussy enough to go on the roller coaster with me so I spent at least 2 hours with him in the line making chit chat but we must have looked like an awkward couple on a first date who were too scared to hold hands in the sea of hand-holdiness.

I hate the crowds at USJ, there were like 50 million school kids there on a school trip and the usual shrill ringing of "KAWWAAAAIIIIIIIIII"'s and sea of ridiculous Elmo head wear was in full force. Ash was mesmerised by all the colour and noise and was the star of the parade with all the dancing costumed people coming over to him to pat his baldy gaijin head.

He was freaked out by all the exploding at the waterworld show so we escaped with him clinging to me, it was also freezing and there were people actually willing to sit in the seats where you get drenched. Dickheads, if you think you're that hard then ditch the poncho!

I also had a nice lunch with Fi and Sarah in Osaka so Monday was a good day!

Yesterday was my birthday and after a rocky start it was a really nice day.

Tell me if you think I was overreacting.... First of all, for me, birthdays are a day for that person to be spoiled, and I know it's not the same in Japan but Ryota shouldn't have married a bad-blooded foreigner if he wasn't willing to change a bit...
Basically this is what happened, I had told him I had to teach a private lesson in the morning and because it was his day off I asked him a week ago at least if he could drive me so I didn't have to fuck about with parking or trains. He said yes, it was all good. We were scheduled to leave at 10.20 to get there for 11 and at about 9.40 he just said to me "Jikan aru ne..." (We have time right....? It was a pretty vague random comment and I was busy taming my hair with a hair straightener so I just said "yes we have time" and didn't ask him why. He then disappeared and I thought he'd gone to the in-laws house. At 10.20 I went over and after escaping grandma telling me I was going to die from hypothermia in the clothes I was wearing she informed me Ryota wasn't there.

Kept searching until finally dragged my arse upstairs where I found him sleeping. I kicked him and we went out of the house with him bleary-eyed and me fuming. After about 15 minutes of not talking I asked him if he was going to say sorry for being an unreliable shit and then it was a full-on argument where he basically said I could have gone myself.
That triggered a rant from me that he COULD make his own lunch and do his own cunting washing but I wanted to help him out.
I ended with "Happy fucking birthday!"

Blah blah we made up he said sorry and we ended up going out for a nice peaceful lunch at my favourite restaurant WITH NO BABY! I could have been at Maccas and it would have been awesome because I didn't have to worry about Ashton throwing food/drinks/toys or having a tanty in the high chair. Bliss.
Of course we went out for yakiniku on the night and the stress was made up then with Ash almost face planting the searing hot BBQ plate a few times...

Friday 30 October 2009


Almost didn't make my Friday deadline!

We had a mother reading blog incident the other day which resulted in a fight but fuck it, anything I write here is usually said in the open anyway, still, might have to make a wordpress move and start protecting my arse, literally!

Looking forward to the next few days; birthday party, meeting up with friends I don't see often enough, my birthday and then mum going home.... Err, I mean, I love you mum, you mean the world to me..... Yup, definitely got to get me some wordpress action...

Time none. Photos.

My psycho BIL, he has until tomorrow to get a job and then MIL claims she'll throw him out, seeing as though he's at a club it's unlikely he'll get a job before then... Let's see if MIL will go through with it!

hehe Old school. Playing badminton to pass the time when I was a week overdue, gave birth the next day!

Emily, Liss and Kylan. I hope they don't mind me putting their piccies up!

Possibly the best photo ever.... Dad was pretending to hit mum on the head to pose for the photo but ended up smacking her with the maracas by accident, it was taken at the precise moment skull met maraca.

A passion fruit vine in my sister's backyard.

Monday 26 October 2009

It's been awhile, but rant away I will....

See Japan, I go away and I miss you, and then I come back and you just piss me right back off again!
And this rant is a double-edged...No, no, a Multi-faceted* one! It involves Japan and mother ranting, along with a few other husband and random whining... Aren't you lucky for clicking on here today!

OK, let's get the Japan rant out of the way, or at least the 20 something-year-old twat who works part time at the Indian place at the outlet centre in Kobe rant, anyway.
Went outlet shopping yesterday and went for lunch in the food court thingy, should have known that Indian food from a food court would be shit house but the crap food was actually beside the point in the end...
Fair enough, I understand that 2 blond women must be very threatening in the sea of black hair, one of them a sixty something woman in heels and the other in her 20's with a slightly over sized halfu baby on her hip, scary, I know, I know.
But this giggling little dickhead actually backed away from me as I went to order my curry, like she physically moved steps back, giggled, and said "I'm scared I can't talk to her!!" Now this was before I'd started ordering so fair enough, she thought I was going to start barking at her in English, but even after I started speaking in Japanese, this is how it went:

Me: (Slightly amused at her sheer terror at this point so smiling) errr.... 2 curry nan sets and some samosas please.

Giggling twat girl: No, hee hee I hehe can't hee do hehe it!

Me: .................. (pointing and repeating my order)

GTG: Ok, wait, ummm say it again!

Me: (Repeating the order yet again) So what curry can we choose from for the set?

GTG: Oh god, what is she asking??? Say it again???

Me: (Pointing and rephrasing) WHICH. CURRY. DO. I. CHOOOOOOOSSSSEEEEEEE?????

You get the point.
Now again, I don't claim to speak Japanese perfectly, but I either say it when I know it's right, or I get someone to help me. I don't just fumble with no idea of what I'm saying. And I'm not a bad mimic, so I don't think my accent could really be that bad, I've never broken out any "Yeh, Arree giiito mate!" or anything like that.
When I worked in a clothes shop in Aussie, we used to get old ladies who spoke 0 English all the time, but you don't fucking panic and run away, you just guess what they're saying and wing it! It still annoys the shit out of me that no matter how much I study and practice and try, there are always people who make me feel like I should just not bother at all and yell at them in English.

OK, next. I can't write too much because she's sitting right next to me, but my mum is soooooo closed minded? rigid?? I don't know the right word, but she won't try anything and is acting like a big fucking baby!
At the food court yesterday, she doesn't like Indian and was all like "I just want a sandwich and some chips!" Ummm helllllooooooooooooo you can have that shite any day in "The Fat factory," as Ryota calls Australia, you're in Japan, go nuts and have some fucking noodles, it won't kill you!!!
She was the same with the sushi party, prawn and tuna only. It just pisses me off that she won't even try.

The stress of an extra person is getting to all of us I think, I can't clean so I get stroppy (never thought I'd be saying that but it's true!) Ryota can't fart in the open and is watching what he does so it's just extra tension in general...

OK, better stop moaning before I get all worked up again. I'm loving the rain and colder weather, sleeping so well! Apart from screaming 9 month old attached to boob....

*Multi-faceted has been stolen from a hair dye packet, so sue me loreal!

Friday 23 October 2009

Fifteen million foto thank fuck it's Friday

God blogging is becoming almost impossible!
I've been trying to get back into bento making and washing and stuff but it's hard to get motivated for some reason (maybe because it's the most under-appreciated, mind-numbing work possible??).
Also, with mum here, blog bitching about her is proving difficult with her looking over my shoulder all the time! haha, no mum isn't that bad, we have our differences and she annoys the shit out of me with her cat shagging around but I do love her and she is a very good mum to me. It's much better now we're back in Japan too, on my turf, where I can control how late (or not late) we are.

Finally getting round to uploading Australia photos, not so interesting but photos all the same.

In other news, in a fit of 'I haven't seen you 3 weeks' passion the other night Ryota and I, err... went for it with no baby blockey... Fuck me, now I'm going to be worried until I know for sure I'm not knocked up. Actually, now I think about it, it was less a fit of wild passion and more a fit of 'Fuck, my mum is in the next a Japanese house where every noise is heard times about 20 fucking thousand and the condom wrapper would be soooooo obvious.' 3 of my friends have all gotten preggers when their babies were about 6 months old, and even though there are benefits, I'm not ready for that shit. After relaying these concerns to Ryota he said he wanted another one and he would look after Ash. Yeh right! Silly boy.

OK, mum is out of the shower and I'm trying to hide the fact that I write a blog from her so I'll leave it there...

My 2 best friends and Ashy bear at BBQ.

Kylan and I.

Ash and my ex's mum... Yup that's another complicated story for another day...

The wild parrots that come to our balcony everyday and a very bemused Ash. "Nature!? Huh??"

My friend Vi, Ash, her new little girl Eva and I. She's soooooo tiny!!!

Ash givin Aunty Missy the thumbs up!

Gettin into the dishwasher.

Grandad and Ash ready for bed.

More of the two wild lizardy things that come to our garden next to the statue.

Family dinner.

Cheeky monkey.


Typical dopey Ash shot.

My sister, shortly after being smacked in the head by mum.

Tuesday 20 October 2009


Well, we made it back to Japan!

Just a tip, never fly Jetstar, they suck balls.
We booked a bassinet when we booked the flight, double confirmed that booking AND made sure we got to the check-in counter as it opened at 5 fucking thirty in the morning, and we still got stuck with a seat with no bassinet. Fuckers!
We made it anyway, although my tits feel like deflated balloons with all the breastfeeding I was doing to shut Ash up. We were also surrounded by a Japanese school group who had been in Aussie, which is fine, J school kids are much better behaved than Aussie school kids who would have been kicking seats/each other/ flight attendants and planting bombs in the toilets, but still, the choruses of "MAJI DEEEEEEEEEEEEEEE???!!!!!" and "KAWAAAAAAIIIIIIIIIIIII!!!!!!!!!!!!!" were a bit much after 1 hour sleep the night before and the prospect of another 9 hours on the plane.

Feels very nice to be home, we're having a sushi welcome party tonight with the in-laws and Ryochan even surfaced cleaned the house, (despite me finding a whole heap of crap on the balcony and behind a screen) and labelled the shampoo and conditioner bottles for my mum, how cute!! ❤

Will post lots of photos from Australia when I can be arsed and get my mum being a model grandma and looking after Ash while I waste time on the internet...

Sunday 11 October 2009

Wedding blues

This post will try to be more of a reflective one rather than a whingy one... I feel my British roots are showing a bit too much lately and all I'm doing is moaning. Perhaps it's all the rain and gloomy weather that there's been lately, turning me into a whinging pom!

Ash is doing much much better, and he has learnt to wave and clap in the space of a few days! (bored grandparents that won't change a fucking nappy but will wave like a spastic at the baby for hours!?)
He's back to his smiley, giggly, devious old self again which makes me very happy. And how Japanese is he, we've dismantled the cot and he now sleeps on a few blankies on the floor, much to my mum's dismay and disbelief. He does still want to sneak into bed with me in the middle of the night, not only in bed but under my arm and nuzzle in. (I secretly love it despite stiff neck and fear of squashage)

My BFF came over yesterday and showed me her beautiful diamond and shared her romantic engagement proposal news; deserted beach in Hawaii, one-knee and all that jazz. I am very happy for her but it got me thinking of the lack of romance in my life. It's not Ryota's fault, fuck, he's Japanese, romance just isn't as big in Japan, I get that. But it feels like we have no... spark?? anymore. I say anymore, we never really did...
I'm going to be bridesmaid at my friends wedding, which is exciting and I hope I don't get preggers this time! (My other best friend asked me to be bridesmaid and I ended up giving birth a few days before the wedding!!)

Another thing that is making me crave romance is the public displays of affection here. Japan is very tame when it comes to public touching/kissing/canoodling and to be honest I'm not sure which side of the fence I sit on with this one. I really don't need to see Shazza sticking her tongue down Dazza's throat and grabbing his stiffy through his shorts, but I went for a jog along the beach today and there was some nice tasteful lovey dovey shit going on and it made me smile. Ryota and I rarely hold hands in public, of course, that's because our hands are usually full of nappies/dummies/toys etc. But we never did it much even pre-baby. We never kiss on the lips in public and never in front of his family, we do cheek kisses and hugs and that's about it.

Anyway, back to wedding happy as I am for my besty, and I really am, I'm kinda glad I won't be here to plan the wedding with her, isn't that horrible!! But it would just remind me of my fairytale wedding I had planned in my head since I was 12 that I never got and will never have. I watched 'The wedding of Trista and Ryan' today, you know that bachelorette show that used to be on?? The wedding cost 4 million US which is ridiculous, and the choice of flowers and some of the stuff made me want to vomit, but there was that princess part of me that usually gets buried very deep that did a big sigh and little daydream about dresses and diamonds and cakes and flowers...

I'll get over it, if I really think about it, I'd much rather spend the money on a house or an overseas holiday.... But the dress and the table settings.... haha, I have a tom boy/princess war that frequently battles in my head!

I wonder about other couples and the public display/ romance level, am I being too girly and weird?? I'd say the answer is very likely, to be yes...

Friday 9 October 2009

Well fuck me, I miss Japan!

You know, every time I leave Australia, I think, man, I love the beach, the open spaces, seeing my friends and family.... But when I'm here, I just know why I don't live here anymore, and more importantly, why I live in Japan...

My family are driving me just a teeny bit nuts, Ash was being a little shite to begin with but he's a lot better now, but still I'm having to do EVERYTHING for him. I guess I'm used to my MIL, who will just take over all duties for me when she looks after him, but my family has not changed his nappy once, (and there's been LOTS of shitty changes due to fucking awful Australian baby food, cheese pasta for an 8 month old!?) they rarely bother with feeding him and can't put him to bed.
I'm so fucking worn out and I know every cunt in Japan is going to be all "Ohhhh you must be sooo relaxed after a holiday in Australia with your mum to look after the baby!!!" When actually, I can't wait to get back, just for a bit of peace. He doesn't sleep well here, it's cold, my family aren't helping me, we're all sick, I've left the house maybe twice.... So yup, cunting holiday it is!

I had to laugh at all the typhoon hype in Japan, Ryota was saying how big it was going to be and my prediction of a bit of a windy day came true, for Osaka at least. I'm sure it was bad in some part of Japan but I'm guessing the storms here were worse than what they got at our house.

Sorry I haven't been commenting much on anyone's blogs, am holing Ash and typing one handed right now, just haven't had the time. One up side is we've really bonded (could be good or bad) and if he's crying, a mummy cuddle is all he needs to fix it now.

Planning to go back to work from November and can't wait to use the old noggin again, am also looking forward to wearing actual clothes and make-up again as opposed to the recent dowdy mummy attire.

Only 10 days left and I'm home, horrible to say but I can't fucking wait!!!

5 reasons I don't want to live here anymore-

1) Drivers are rude, arrogant, inconsiderate twats.

2) Most kids/teens are so fucking feral and rude.

3) Nothing is efficient.

4) Can't eat udon as a back-up meal any day of the week.

5) Shops close at 5 o fucking clock.

Wednesday 7 October 2009

Better, much freakin better!

I'm so so happy to report that Ashton is much better and that was the reason he was clingy, I thought it was strange, he's never been clingy before!
He's also bonded with my mum and dad, which is good because in the beginning they seemed to be not interested in him because he was crying all the time and were bonding more with our friend's dog than with him!!!
I guess I'm just used to the Japanese in-laws who really take over Ash wherever we are, but the whole western philosophy of "let the mum take care of her own baby" was a bit hard to get used to again!

I even got out for a run along the beach this morning (even though I had fucking icicles dripping off my nose!!!!), Australia has no winter my arse it's cold enough to freeze the balls off a brass monkey! Uh oh, been around dad too long and am starting to pick up his sayings...

My mum frustrates me sooooo much, as much as I really do love her she annoys the shit out of me, and my dad seems to emanate tension wherever he goes but despite that I do love them and am starting to warm up to the fact that I'm back. The food here is atrocious, as in tastes awesome but I can feel the fat starting to pile on already. I've already had fish and chips twice, red rooster, a pie, twisties, cadbury's.... I need some bland, boring J-food to even me out!! Still running though so I'll use that excuse...

Sorry, incredibly boring stuff but not being doing much. I can't stand Aussie people, they're just so feral. Look at me being all snobby!!! But honestly, I'm missing the para-para girls and boys, at least they don't walk around with their bellies hanging out yelling "Oi fuck off Robbo ya poofta!!!"
haha, Or maybe they do, but it"s lost in a keigo translation whirlwind....

Catching up with my good mate tomorrow night so that should be fun, looking forward to buying some clothes that don't resemble midget gypsies as well!

Sunday 4 October 2009

Holday from hell.

Can I just say, this is the worst fucking 'holiday' I've ever been on. And what makes it worse, is I can't really blame anyone for it being so shit. I'm thinking of bringing my return date forward it's that bad.

Ashton has just gone from 0 clinginess factor, to 1,000,000. Like he cries the instant I'm not there, and won't stop. I feel like a single mother. He won't sleep in the cot, he won't be held by anyone else. Bugger!!!!

OK, it's now 2 hours later and I feel bad for saying he's been a clingy little bastard.... Went to the doc and turns out he has a really bad ear infection and his cold has gotten much worse.

Fucking J-medicine!!! He was on medicine he got in Japan for 2 weeks and it has obviously done nothing for him. I've now got antibiotics, ear drops, eye drops and children's panadol, so hopefully I can drug him up and he'll start to feel better. The Doc said it's normal for kids to be extra clingy when they have pain, they need comfort. I feel so bad now!!!

As predicted, photos are proving too much for the rock and stones that resemble my parents' computer, so don't think I'll be able to get any up until I can scam sisters laptop for a bit.

Hope all is well in Japan!!

Friday 2 October 2009

Hello from the land of meat pies, thongs and skanky hoes with bellies hanging out.

We made it to Aussie... just.

Ash was quite good on the plane and I ended up crying more than him!
The flight from Osaka to Gold coast was good, didn't sleep and Ash didn't fit in the bassinet but he slept pretty well on my lap and we had a fair bit of leg room and a spare seat next to us. The fun started when we got to the Gold coast, AKA the shittiest hole of an airport ever!!!!
I had to get my luggage and check-in at the domestic counter so as I was waiting in a line as long as the Tokyo krispy kreme to go through customs with a suitcase, baby bag, baby and handbag the tears just started and wouldn't fucking stop, they turned into shoulder wobbles and eventually I was just a sweaty, teary mess.
Had a blow out at the customs dude and the jetstar chick who wanted me to lug my suitcase for 2 hours before checking-in, stupid twat. Anyway, after many tears and bitterness at the fact that no bastard was willing to help me, (although did feel quite nostalgic like I was in Japan) I made it to Sydney airport and was met by my mum and sister. And it was great. Until the car broke down...

Yes the radiator shat itself while we were still in Sydney (my house is about an hour away) and I was sooo rooted that I didn't even have the energy to cry. Luckily we made it home with a few stops to cool the engine but we were travelling for about 25 hours straight. The shower at home was the best feeling in the world.

Pretty settled now although Ash is being a right little bugger not wanting anyone but me. Doesn't he get it that the reason I came home was to palm him off on to other people for 3 weeks!?

Will post more soon but mum and ad's computer is still in the dark ages and not sure if I can post photos... Will try tomorrow!