Sunday 11 October 2009

Wedding blues

This post will try to be more of a reflective one rather than a whingy one... I feel my British roots are showing a bit too much lately and all I'm doing is moaning. Perhaps it's all the rain and gloomy weather that there's been lately, turning me into a whinging pom!

Ash is doing much much better, and he has learnt to wave and clap in the space of a few days! (bored grandparents that won't change a fucking nappy but will wave like a spastic at the baby for hours!?)
He's back to his smiley, giggly, devious old self again which makes me very happy. And how Japanese is he, we've dismantled the cot and he now sleeps on a few blankies on the floor, much to my mum's dismay and disbelief. He does still want to sneak into bed with me in the middle of the night, not only in bed but under my arm and nuzzle in. (I secretly love it despite stiff neck and fear of squashage)

My BFF came over yesterday and showed me her beautiful diamond and shared her romantic engagement proposal news; deserted beach in Hawaii, one-knee and all that jazz. I am very happy for her but it got me thinking of the lack of romance in my life. It's not Ryota's fault, fuck, he's Japanese, romance just isn't as big in Japan, I get that. But it feels like we have no... spark?? anymore. I say anymore, we never really did...
I'm going to be bridesmaid at my friends wedding, which is exciting and I hope I don't get preggers this time! (My other best friend asked me to be bridesmaid and I ended up giving birth a few days before the wedding!!)

Another thing that is making me crave romance is the public displays of affection here. Japan is very tame when it comes to public touching/kissing/canoodling and to be honest I'm not sure which side of the fence I sit on with this one. I really don't need to see Shazza sticking her tongue down Dazza's throat and grabbing his stiffy through his shorts, but I went for a jog along the beach today and there was some nice tasteful lovey dovey shit going on and it made me smile. Ryota and I rarely hold hands in public, of course, that's because our hands are usually full of nappies/dummies/toys etc. But we never did it much even pre-baby. We never kiss on the lips in public and never in front of his family, we do cheek kisses and hugs and that's about it.

Anyway, back to wedding happy as I am for my besty, and I really am, I'm kinda glad I won't be here to plan the wedding with her, isn't that horrible!! But it would just remind me of my fairytale wedding I had planned in my head since I was 12 that I never got and will never have. I watched 'The wedding of Trista and Ryan' today, you know that bachelorette show that used to be on?? The wedding cost 4 million US which is ridiculous, and the choice of flowers and some of the stuff made me want to vomit, but there was that princess part of me that usually gets buried very deep that did a big sigh and little daydream about dresses and diamonds and cakes and flowers...

I'll get over it, if I really think about it, I'd much rather spend the money on a house or an overseas holiday.... But the dress and the table settings.... haha, I have a tom boy/princess war that frequently battles in my head!

I wonder about other couples and the public display/ romance level, am I being too girly and weird?? I'd say the answer is very likely, to be yes...


  1. i used to dream about a big white wedding, too, complete with getting magazines and saving pics of my favorite dresses. when it came time to be married, though, it really wasn't as important--i didn't want to spend that much money. once in a while i think about it, but i don't regret it. besides, i got married in japan and japanese weddings can be really...weird.

    as for PDA, when we were dating, yoshi and i would hold hands. we kiss and hug in front of the kids (and maybe even get a grope in there, too, but not *directly* in front of the kidlets) but not in front of his family. i've even got him to kiss me at the door from time to time, but we don't walk holding hands any more. he won't even hook arms with me, because that 'makes us look old', as if we're supporting each other as we dodder along! LOL

    glad to hear ash is doing much better. when are you coming back home?

  2. Glad to hear that Ash is doing better- and waving and clapping! What a champ! I am sure he will be happy to show Ryota when he sees him next.

    I think it is natural to feel jealous of your friend that is getting married and planning a big wedding. Grass is always greener and all that. I am totally happy with my life but I am 24, married and pregnant with my first bub- I am totally in the place I want to be right now BUT that doesn`s stop me being jealous of friends that can still go out and party all night or have disposable income or are still travelling the world. One of my best friends is off overseas next year for awhile and I am so jealous of her even though I have done what she has done already.

    I have to say I kind of trained Shun in public displays of affection- I am not into the whole kissy kissy thing in public but we hold hands and hug and will kiss goodbye at the trainstation or something if we are going seperate ways. As for in front of his parents? He will kiss me goodbye on his way to work on the head but that is about the extent of it (that was when we were living with them)...When I first met Shun though he did not like to hold hands in public. Even now his old uni friends tease him about how "rabu rabu" he is in public which does not help I suppose.

    ps: I never dreamt of having a big wedding but we did the whole white wedding thing in Australia - I was crap at the whole planning thing really though because in most cases I was like "whatever is fine" - I am glad we did it but when I think about the money that went into it both from us and my parents I sometimes think we may have been better putting the money towards a house.

  3. Ok well my comment turned into like a whole blog post. Sorry about that. HAHA!

  4. I was the complete opposite..I never dreamt of a wedding or even getting married, didn`t think it was on the cards for me. Just goes to show. As it was we just got married in Japan by submitting the seki to the town office. My folks on the other hand put on a huge do when we got to Australia.
    PDA- same, hubby wasn`t too into it, go to kiss him goodbye in public and he`d look around to see if anyone was looking :) Still tease him with it tho. In front of MIL we still kiss goodbye/hello on the lips.

    Lulu, 24?!?!?! wow, I`m 34 and still don`t sound as together as you!

  5. Ah, well, before responding to your questions i should probably say "Hello"! i stumbled upon your blog a while ago and have been reading it since (i can't help it, i love your posts, they almost always make me laugh!). Just added you to my blog roll too, i hope you don't mind!

    So, about the PDA.. it's weird because with me and my boy Ken, we've got our roles kinda switched. i'd always heard that PDA in Japan is pretty much nil, but Ken has no qualms about wanting to hold hands or hug or kiss in public (granted, we're not in Japan, but you'd think with him being raised there he'd kinda be in that mindset). i on the other hand am always "oh my god no don't touch me there are people watching!" He's the super gushy romantic one and i'm the one who, while i still like the occasional cuddle at home, is otherwise kinda awkward with all that gushy romance. Kinda weird. It doesn't really bother me though when other people in public are affectionate with each other, as long as it's tame. Like, hand-holding, snuggling, or little pecks i don't mind. Anything further and i really have to keep from yelling at them to get a room. ;p

  6. Illahee~ haha. yup I'm the same with J-weddings, they can be a little strange!
    I ripped Ryota off a bit, he does always kiss me goodbye at the door, but that could possibly be because I just spent the last hour slaving over his bento and it's a guilt kiss!
    We're flying back on Monday with my mum so will hopefully have some pictures up by Tuesday!

    Lulu~ You're right, I think we always get jealous no matter where we are in life, I used to wish to be settled down and married when I was single!
    I think Ryota gets the rabu rabu ribbing too from his family, hence why we probably don't do much affection showing around them!
    I know weddings cost a lot but you'll have that memory forever right, and the photos were sooo beautiful!
    haha, comment away, I like long comments!

    Luisa~ Maybe it is all J-guys who have the issues with the PDA!
    Geting married in Japan is really simple hey, just submit and stamp and you're done! I think my parents wanted to put something on for us too but we kinda just missed the window...

  7. In this resect, I'm glad to be back in the States ONLY because we are able to do PDA again. lol.

    But we do not DARE do it in front of Takeshi's family. That's one of the reasons I hated living there - we couldn't hold hands, kiss, even a hug! Not even leaning on each other while watching TV. Haha.

    I'm glad Takeshi likes giving kisses and hugs in public. I'd be one grumpy wifey without it.

  8. I think what I've come to realise the most in the last few years is that a wedding means shit all unless you have a marriage.

    That's what matters. You can have a fancy cake any day of the week. :)

  9. I regret not having more of a normal wedding. At the time a kimono and his uncle chanting shit at the family temple and twenty of his family, most of whom I had never met, and two of my friends and NONE of my family felt fine. NOW, I wish I'd done the white dress thing. I feel almost cheated. And yet, it was as much my decision as his.

    Ah well, maybe next time aye.

  10. I am finally connected and just catching up. Happy to hear that Ashton is feeling better. I have to laugh because I went through a lot of the same things when I got back here. R-Rex was clinging to the point of making me insane and sleeps best on the floor. I also am with you 100% on the wanting more displays of affection. S-man often won't even hug me in public. At times I feel like we are just room mates that get along really well and not so much married. Hope the rest of your trip goes well.

  11. I feel you!!!!! We had a full wedding planned, then had to postpone as my husband was transfered to Paris and then my father had a spell... and I have not had a proper one yet!

    We are planning to have one for our 10th, which is coming up next year, but to be honest, I've felt like the deal was not sealed without a proper wedding, the ring is just not enough... esp since I love parties, planning and weddings!!!

  12. We had a small wedding but we were pretty content with that, I was never into the "big wedding" thing, but it all comes down to personal choice.

    As for PDA, Yasu and I hold hands everywhere we go, but he doesn't like being fondled/kissed in public, though recently even in Japan he let me kiss him and hug him in public, so he's slowly changing his ideas. :)

    If anything, don't compare yourself to others, because everyone is different, and your journey is special!
    I can understand why you feel like that about your friend, it's only natural. Don't beat yourself up about it though. :)

    BTW it's never to late to introduce some affection into your relationship. Would your husband freak out if you did? :)

  13. You know what, it isn't just J-guys who aren't that into PDAs. I have found that a lot of British guys aren't either. I don't mind it so much as after years in Japan, I am not a big fan of public affection and the guy I dated before Mal drove me crazy because he always needed to be touching me no matter where we were/ what we were doing. I guess you need a balance though between what you both need/ what makes you comfortable. Mal is not that into kissing/touching in public which suits me. We will hold hands and kiss hello/goodbye but everything else stays at home (as it were!LOL!) Maybe it is a British thing though?! :-)

    I had a big wedding in Japan and look where it got me?! In fact, my wedding was legendary (and still talked about) but my marriage was a farce so it just goes to show you that in the grand scheme of things, the white wedding thing really isn't that important, it is the sentiment that counts. You can always have a wedding/vow renewal further down the line if you really feel like you want to celebrate in that way! I have decided that if I ever get married again it is going to be on a beautiful beach somewhere! ;-)

  14. Hi Corinne! Sorry for this random comment!

    I have made my blog more protected against just anyone online being able to come across it and read it. So I am sending out invitations to read it again, through email. If you cannot access my blog, please email me your email address and I will send you an invite!

    my email is:

    Thank you! <3

  15. I haven't heard the classic term "stiffy" since being at primary school in NZ! Thank you for making me laugh!!!

    My bf and I are affectionate in public on what I think is an appropriate and "adult" level for anywhere in the world...he kissed me in front of his parents while sitting round the dinner table one night though, which did surprise me. I miss PDA between family and friends here, I know it's not their "thing" but not hugging family when seeing them after a separation is just wrong to me.