Do you ever go through those periods in your life where you're just willing for something exciting to happen?? It's kind of ridiculous but that's how I feel now, like I want a big event (good or bad, preferably good) to shake things up. I shouldn't feel like this, my life is actually pretty exciting in comparison to others: I live in Japan, the capital of weird shit, I have kids who are constantly surprising me, a troop of in-laws to keep me entertained, a fuckwit husband who annoys me on a daily basis, and my own business, which is always exciting in itself. But I don't know, I just can't shake the feeling of... boredom...? I don't even know what it is! I've been having lots of 'weird' feelings lately, like something morbid is going to happen but I can't quite put my finger on what it is... Bizarre.
I've also been looking for motivation to lose all this fucking baby weight I have (OK mostly I'm a fat-lazy-fucking cow weight rather than "baby" weight, but what are kids for if you can't blame them for the bad things in your life?!) and I'm such a bad person, I thought to myself the other day, 'Hmmm I need motivation to lose weight...'.... and then I thought, 'I know!!! I'll lose weight so I can have a steamy affair with a really hot guy!!' And I was actually serious! Again, bad person, but surely admitting it counts for something.
What else....? I've booked a trip for us to go to Tokyo/Disneyland next month, I've decided that there's no point having all this money if we can't enjoy it, we could save it for retirement but we may very well be dead by that time, I'd rather live well while I can than have a shitload of money while I'm bed-ridden... Again, so demonstrative of my mood lately- just kind of not giving a fuck! Maybe I'm depressed?? Although I'm generally happy most of the time, just...restless... Much like this post. Or it could be the sleep-deprivation. Fucking sleep is so underrated, I would kill for a full night's sleep, I may just kill one of the little boys who wakes me up hourly or more likely the big boy who sleeps so soundly while I wake up and want to tear my eyeballs out from sheer crazy tiredness.
Or it could be the fantasies I've been having lately about going back to Australia for a year so Ash can go to primary school there for a year before he starts Japanese primary school. I would LOVE to do that but it would mean giving up the school and I just don't think I can do it. We were talking about how Ash's English is so shit the other night and Ryota was like, "Well, maybe you should just teach in the mornings and then you can look after the kids at night..." Like that is the solution to all our problems. It pisses me off that despite my job bringing in way more money than his, that I should be the one to give it up, well I can understand it from an English-speaking point but fuck, this is my work I don't just want to give up what I've built! So I said that if I did that I'd rather just go the whole hog and give it up completely, go to Australia for a year and then be a good little housewife when we came back. NEVER going to happen, but it's always nice to think about different ways our life could go I guess.
Anyway, I have to wonder if I have some kind of psychic tendencies and this is a curse that something bad is going to happen to me, if it is at least I blogged it so I have proof!