Thursday 4 February 2010

Dear Japanese men...

Why are you such pussies...??

OK, generalising yet again, but really, lately I've been bombarded with examples of J-men, young and old, showing themselves to be like feeble little kittens, still all sticky, with no fur and unable to fend for themselves.
I'd like to say my J-guy is different, but in reality, when I was in Australia, he pretty much lived with his mum and didn't do jack shit for himself. I'll give him the benefit of the doubt and say that if we lived further away from the in-laws, he may be able to do things for himself...maybe.
I've been taking the piss out of him lately and calling him a "Japanese shell boy," those guys that never seem to grow up because their mother and/or grandmother's hands seems to be permanently attached to their arse wiping it for them...

And I joke and laugh about it, but actually I am dead set determined that Ash will not be like that. Of course this may mean some tough love for the in-laws, but if he ever comes to me with washing that he is perfectly capable of doing himself, I will have failed as a parent and may as well really get into it and walk 3 steps behind Ryota and make Ash's bento until he's 50.

The 3 examples I've been astounded by lately are quite typical in Japan I think, the first was BIL. He's 22 and only just got off his arse and gotten a job, which happens to be about 5 minutes from our house. All good, he's functioning as a normal fucking person, woo-bloody-hoo, good for him! His sister makes his bento for him. Does anyone else see anything wrong with this picture?? Why the hell does his sister have to make his bento?? Maybe I'm pissed because this is the same sister I have to pay 1000¥for babysitting while she's bowing down and slaving over bento because it's expected of her, but still, he's fucking capable of doing it himself. PUSSY!

Another example is FIL. We were feeding Ash one day and I asked him if he could "ching" the food (microwave it). Simple task, right? The fucker had no idea how to use use the fucking microwave. Now Japanese microwaves can resemble a space shuttle control panel, but it isn't hard to put it in and press the start button. Even stupid gaijin with no Japanese skills can bumble their way through the basics (again, heeelllllllloooooo me 5 years ago.) And I thought FIL was a bit better, he always goes on about how he left the house when he was 18 to gain his independence, so when I quizzed him on how he survived he sheepishly admitted his mum still made him meals quite often and the rest was conbini survival. PUSSY!

The final example is Ryota's cousin (35) and uncle (60-ish). Auntie was rushed to hospital last week with some kind of stomach complaint, she's having an operation today so hoping all goes well but the biggest panic was not Auntie's stomach, but who was going to take care of the uncle and cousin!!! Washing was promptly transported to the in-laws' house for cleaning, the cousin's shirts that had to be ironed were part of a 30 minute discussion "But how will he go to work with a crinkly shirt!?" meals were cooked and couriered over to the house, and the cousin even had the nerve to complain that it wasn't 'karai' enough!!! Cheeky bastard. These grown men are completely helpless without the woman of the house, this is two thousand and fucking ten, what is going on here!? PUSSY!! PUSSY!!!

As much as the men piss me off, the women really aren't helping the feminism movement in Japan, these bitches need to step up, wake up and stop folding the undies and making the bento. I told Ryota I would make bento for him on three conditions:
1) It was summer
2) Ashton didn't wake up fifty fucking million times in the night
3) If I wasn't working
But these chilly morning see me snoozing after looking after the monster all night, so sorry shell boy, no bento this winter. I think I'm a pretty good wife, but there is no fucking way I will be mothering (how ironic, I just spelt mothering wrong, and the spell checker brought up 'bothering' as the first option!) my son and husband for the next 30 years, call me gaijin, call me lazy, call me the only wife on the block not making bento, but you can suck it people, two words: FUCK THAT!


  1. I am with you here, sister! Omg, it makes me crazy. Last week at MILs, SIL and MIL were talking about nephew starting high school. SIL starts work really early in the morning, and I asked if he needs a bento. "Oh, unfortunately he does. Too bad he is a boy, if he was a girl she could make it himself. But, luckily, his little sister will start HS the following year, so she should be able to make bentos for both of them." Dh had to restrain me! Of course, they also have a postal savings educational fund for nephew and not for niece. Grr. I have always wanted 3 girls, but if we were to have a third and it were a boy I would be happy that we would have a chance to show that boys are capable of taking care of themselves if forced. Well, at least that's how I envision it. With two big sisters, who knows. Raise your son to be a man! A man who could survive without a woman waiting on him hand and foot. Go you!

  2. You are cracking me up! I try not to let it get to me, but sometimes it really gets to me! These are freaking ADULTS we're talking about, how did they get to be so helpless? But unfortunately, society seems to encourage it. My friend lived til he was 30 in company dorms, which don't include a kitchen and don't allow gas. How much do you want to bet that the women's dorms (few and far between though they may be) don't have a cooking ban???

  3. Hahah this is so true. When I taught at at HS I hung out a lot with the PE teachers, one of whom treated me like one of his daughters. As were were talking about Japanese fruits one day, he told me there were certain ones he never ate unless his wife peeled them for him.

    I set my DH straight very soon after getting married when he would be standing next to the fridge and ask me to get him something out of it. I simply told him "You have two hands do it yourself. I`m not your maid." He definitely doesn`t think I will do that any more.

    I have a daughter but if I had a son also, I would definitely teach him to do "girl" things for himself. He would learn sooner rather than later how to do the laundry and make himself something to eat.

  4. my husband lived on his own before we met. he learned to do his own laundry, and he has certain things he wants to eat (as in, no fried foods, very little meat, etc.), so he cooked for himself, too. when we first lived together, and i didn't work, i would make his bento, but once i started working, he made his own. he has made his own bento now for about seven years. i do the laundry, but that's because he's really clueless about it and i don't want my clothes ruined. yoshi tends to think i need to do the housework but i tell him that if he sees something that needs to be done, just freakin' do it.

    when we go to his parents' house, his mom usually does most of the cooking and cleaning up, plus she'll do yoshi's laundry (i usually try to keep our stuff out of her machine, but yoshi has a habit of just throwing his stuff in) and that's just the way it goes. my FIL will heat things in the microwave, plus help set up dinner, it's really nice. i've even seen him help clear the table (but never do dishes). something of an exception, i think.

    hiro loves to help tidy up, especially vacuum and sweeping. he also wants to cook and i'm the one holding him back (but then, my kitchen is rather small and i hate tripping over my kids in there). i will teach all my children how to cook and clean, and how to do laundry. i'm also secretly hoping they'll marry (or have a permanent relationship with) americans--or 'westerner' so they can all have equal partnerships. who knows what the future will bring, though!

  5. My FIL is like that. I really want my MIL to come visit us here and we offered to pay for her trip over but she couldn't come because she said she has "to make FIL's bento every day". When I said that she could make it in advance and freeze it and he could defrost it they both nearly had a heart attack!

    Thank god that Yasu is not like his father. Fortunately when I met him he had already been living and working in various countries before Aus and was doing all his own cooking cleaning and other stuff. I make his bento every day but only because I like it, it's my hobby. But I usually make it the night before, I don't get up early in the morning.

    Yasu also helps out with the housework when he feels like it and usually does the washing on the weekends (I do it during the week). He's a pretty good cook and sometimes when I can't be bothered he'll take over. I really couldn't stand to marry someone like my FIL who has been fussed over all his life. It makes me want to do more for my husband when he can do things for himself.


  6. Good for you! That is SO true, oh my god.
    The whole time I was there, I got more pissed off at Japanese women for being totally complacent and "house-wifey" - doing everything in the house, etc.

    Men in Japan get coddled waaaayyyy too much and it's not healthy for the dialogue between men and women, in general.

    As soon as I got there, my MIL and GIL actually put me through the "she's a new housewife/our DIL so let's bully her and stress her our with teaching her "proper" wifely skills and duties." I almost went insane! It was ridiculous.

    I never got to see my FIL in a position where he found himself without the womanly help in the household, but I'm sure I would have seen it sooner or later. I don't think he was necessarily UNABLE to take care of himself - he had just become lazy and expected the women to cook, to clean, to do laundry. That kind of attitude pissed me off more than just being a total infant without his wife or baachan around.

  7. Preach it sister... it honestly seems like even the most "westernized" "grass-eating" "domestically inclined man" turns into a pile of slobbish, pampered mush as soon as he walks through the jikka door.

    I really think the key is getting the men to live on their own for a few years while they are still young to give them some training... those guys that live with mom and dad until they get married are just going from one pampering house to another and it makes me sick.

    Anyways I'm lucky because Ryohei is really helpful at our house... but as soon as he is back home he just is under the kotatsu with a stack of manga... makes me annoyed cause sure his parents will cook dinner, do his laundry, draw the bath etc... but responsibilities for looking after our daughter are not his parents. I can't wait until Sakura is old enough to jump on him and wake him up.

  8. It's not just Japanese guys - I was going out with a Greek guy last year. OMG 40 years old and he told me he'd cooked... once!

    Some women want their husbands/sons unable to cope without them otherwise they'd have no purpose in life. I find it really sad.

  9. Hello? (stand up and clear my throat) Ahem...
    My name is Mr. Salaryman and I'm a foreigner married to a Japanese women who is a housewife... (feels a bit out of place with all these women around him, being a pampered husband)
    I just wanted to say that (looks around nervously) I sometimes feel that my wife treats me like I'm completely incompetent at cleaning, washing and cooking... Sometimes I have to tell her that I actually managed to do all the stuff alone before we got married and that she can ask me to do stuff from time to time...

    Oh, and I also try to convince her that she doesn't need to care when the MIL scolds her for not pampering me enough... (looks relieved that everyone let me finish the sentence) That was all I wanted to say... THank you for listening... (sits down, blushing heavily)

  10. Man, I just wrote a big comment and then erased it. awesome. In short I meant to say that I guess I should keep my guy seeing as though his mom has worked his entire life and he now makes dinner for his dad when the mom is working late!

  11. I cannot agree more! It's sad and pathetic that grown men can't take care of themselves. Though, I don't know that it's so much as can't as much as won't. Pure laziness and douchbaggery in my opinion. I'm grateful that my fiance has lived on his own enough that he can take care of himself, though I still battle with him on cleaning. I don't mind cleaning, but it irritates the fuck out of me when he just leaves shit around and doesn't bother to pick up after himself. I've told him I don't mind chores, but if he wants to leave his stuff everythere, HE can clean it up! Of course you're right, women aren't helping by catering to them and enabling them. It's time for some tough love!

    I swore to my fiance that when we have kids, they will learn how to take care of themselves and we are not to baby them. It's time to end the cycle!

    >Mr Salaryman, it's good to hear the other side's point of view. I'm pretty sure you're the exception to the rule, though!

  12. Japanese society allows men to be incompetent (lazy). My hub lived by himself before we married yet he can't cook because he didn't have to cook. Convenience stores cater to the single man. It's cheaper for a single guy to buy a ready made bento than to buy all the ingredients and cook it himself. Then the laziness sets in and the thought of cooking, then washing dishes (gasp!) is just all to much for them to deal with. They can manage to do their laundry, but as for cleaning in general - they just DON'T SEE IT and they certainly don't get irritated by the sight of everyday stuff piling up. You can step over it, right?

    I make 4 bentos everyday one each for all of us. On days I don't go to work and the kids aren't at daycare, I do not make hub a bento either. Often I make the kids a sandwich instead of a bento and then hub gets no bento (what a bad wife I am!)I know if I get the kids into a different nursery where they don't need a bento, I will abandon bento making forever. Hurrah! God, I want to write more....

  13. This pretty funny. I have to say FIL is completely like Kelly above described - just incompetent when it comes to house matters that MIL dare not leave him. He can only "cook" soba although apparently he is so anal about what softness it should be that he does not allow others to cook it!! The circles my wife mixes in in Japan though is full of chefs and foodies and mild anal retentives so I actually have a different experience of Japanese men but from hearsay this does not surprise me!

    Salaryman - I am 100 percent with you. I grew up in single household and was oldest son so I probably had more experience than my wife of various domestic duties, but as soon a we got married it was a complete turn around. Now she tries to make it out as if I am incompetent, even with kids. She does not even like kids (except for ours)and I used to look after my newborn little sister from when I was 9!!
    That said......I do like the pampered existence a bit.....I am not supposed to say that am I??