Riding

I feel like life in general always comes in waves. Good waves, bad waves, scary choppy waves, and those big fuckers that pull you all the way up and then dump you under leaving you spluttering and picking sand out of your minge for the next 3 days. I like the waves. As I've mentioned before, I like that life isn't boring, that things go up and down. Maybe that's why I stay with Ryota, I know I'd be totally fucking bored with a nice simple lad??

Anyway, as I get older, I can actually feel the way the waves are going. It's not like when I was younger and I didn't think about the way life was, how it was at the time, and where it was going.
At the moment I feel like life is on a generally good wave. Life is alright. Bailey is finally growing up out of the baby stage, Ash has practically left home (he sleeps at Grandma's house the little bastard!!), work is good, and Ryota and I survived 2 weeks together so I feel if we survived that we can survive pretty much anything.

This wasn't the case up until a little while ago, I felt very unsure about the school, I think I always get that way in April, people quit and you feel betrayed in some way, and then all these new people sign up come May and you feel like a twat for getting your knickers in a twist.

So that's why I haven't been blogging that much, life is comfortable enough that I really don't have that much to bitch about. yes my arse is about 4 times bigger than I'd like it and Yes Ryota can be a royal fuckwit at times, but apart from that. Life is good... Sorry!

Happy New Year!

It's the new school year in Japan and it always makes me feel like some kind of second new year celebration. Ash has new teachers and went up a kindy grade and Ryota's job changed bosses for the new year. It also means that Ryota has 2 (UNPAID!!!) weeks off work while things change over. This is the worst part of his job by far, not only do we almost kill each other at home every April, but we lose money while we're doing it because he doesn't get paid and we end up spending more money because he's at home and we go places for lunch etc. On the bright side, it means I don't have to pay SIL to watch Bailey, although I think paying her might be better than hearing Ryota bitch and moan about how tough it is to watch him for 3 hours at a time. Welcome to my world bitch!

I feel kinda guilty but I honestly can't wait to get Bailey into kindy, it will be from June whether it's Ash's kindy or not. I love him to bits but I find myself rushing and not being able to plan lessons properly or get any time to myself and it's driving me kind of insane. I'm such an 'all or nothing' type so I'd rather quit working and be a full-time SAHM or get him into kindy and concentrate on working, so sick of the balancing act!

Ryota and I are still trying the 70% theory but he said to me yesterday, "You're pissing me off below the 70% mark!!!" So the cracks are appearing! But all in all we're fighting much less than before, fingers crossed it stays that way.

We were talking yesterday about getting Bailey into kindy and Ryota asked SIL what she was going to do after he went and she said: "I want mum to open up a bar or something so I can work in it..." To which I snorted, which was probably the start of World war 3 because she gave me a filthy look and ignored it but definitely will remember it. I was just like, 'Jesus, you need to go out and meet some other people!!!' in my head but I don't want the headache of a SIL battle at the moment, it just isn't worth it. I want to give her meaningful advice but I don't think I can without totally pissing her off.

What else what else... We had the Easter party at the school, it was fun... Life is pretty boring...

My bitterness is still there, like a nagging toothache, dull and unrelenting I can't quite shake the feeling of dissatisfaction.