Decisions decisions.

Maybe it's because I'm getting closer to 30, or maybe it's just the waves of life, but I feel like I need to make some big decisions soon. And not only do I have to make decisions, but I have to make them in the knowledge that 5 years from now I don't have the faintest idea what will be going on. It's so bloody difficult when you feel the need to plan as I do!

Our first decision is our new car. Ryota wants a fancy, cool foreign car and I want a reliable, family Japanese car... Again with us switching the Japanese/gaijin roles again! Actually, I want the big flash car too, but we can't buy it new and maintenance would be more expensive, plus his pride and joy would no doubt be littered with juice and snacks from our 2 small children within about an hour of getting it so I feel it just isn't practical. For forking out the same amount of money we could get a new mid-range family car that we wouldn't really care as much if it got destroyed by our 2 monsters... I don't want it to be a battle though, so I'm not going to push it, whichever we go with will be better than our tiny car we have now. We have to decide what we want to do with said tiny car as well though, I really want to keep it for quick trips, hairy parking situations and the rainy kindy pick-ups but we have to pay 8000 yen a month for parking, which is relatively cheap for our area but with two cars, 16,000 yen a month is a bit steep, plus insurance/registration and all that other bullshit. Our original plan was to give the car to dog-fucker/ little brother and borrow it occasionally (as they do now) but with relationships still rocky all around there I'm not sure that will happen. I'm definitely not giving anything to dog-fucker for free.

Another decision which is looming is buying a new house. Our current house will be payed off next year or the year after (depending on what kind of car we get!!) and I'm not happy with just having our crappy little house. I either want a new house in Japan or I want to buy something in Australia. I think buying in Australia is way smarter. I mentioned this to my mum and she got so excited that she started getting loan details and everything! She really just wants us to come home I think... But I thought if I had property at home, if I ever needed to escape, or if we all move there we'd at least have some footing. Thankfully no need for escape lately, but again, who the fuck knows. With the chilly conditions with Ryota's family I really see less and less reason to stay in Japan. The main one is we both have good jobs here. I could be a teacher at home, which is a reasonable job, but Ryota would have to shit kick for a while at least until he could speak English better/ start his own business.

All of this is topped off by the fact that despite it being totally fucking insane, I want another baby. Not right away, but not too far away either. Having kids is so fucking hard and it goes against  everything the logical part of me says, but I can't help it, I just see myself having 3 kids. Now if I didn't have the school, I would try for another one now, get them out of the way. But I do, if I have another baby now, I don't think I could keep the school going. So my options are to wait until the 2 older boys are much older to have another one, or close the school. If I close the school I definitely don't want to stay in Japan, I could think of nothing more mind-numbing than being a SAHM in Japan. At least at home I'd have the beach, and my family and friends to entertain me.

So lots to think about! Right now I'm kind of enjoying life though! Work is good, we're getting into an independent rhythm without relying on the in-laws for anything and Ryota and I are actually getting along really well!