To stay or to go

I'm not done with Japan, as much as I bitch about life here, I'm not done, otherwise I'd already be gone.

That said, there are more and more reasons to make a new life in Australia. The only thing that keeps us here, really, is money. Plain and simple, because it makes the world go round and shit. Basically, we may be able to make it big in Australia, but it's a big 'may', and it's a big risk to take when we have it so good here.

So the reasons to leave Japan are:

*Ryota's family will not be missed by me, and not that much by him.
*Ash will be able to start primary school in Australia next January.
*I will have my family and friends who I miss so much.
*We will live near the beach and not have to be worried about a monster tsunami swallowing us up for dinner.
*If I want to have another baby, I will have maternity leave/ government support to do so.
*It will be a new adventure.

And the reasons to stay are:

*Not only financial security, but wealth. We are making money to save now, if we move, it will be money to survive/get on our feet for the near future.
*Life is comfortable here, we know exactly how things are going to go.
*Ryota's Grandma is 85, I think he wants to stay until she kicks the bucket. (Sorry Grandma...)
*Big change makes me poo my pants it's so scary.
*It will be tough for Ash to adjust to a new (all English) environment.
*Ryota will never get a good enough job in Australia.

So there is the breakdown, I'm seriously thinking on it. The recent dog fucker happenings make me want to leave in some ways, just because living here is not fun when I'm trying to avoid my in-laws, but on the other hand I don't want to 'run-away' from her either, she's not that fucking scary!

Monday

I think I'm going to have to put a disclaimer at the top of the blog for slow people:


"90% of this is either sattire or generalisations, take it or leave it cunts!"


Too much?

Dog fucker pimple.

While we're comparing to people to other things, dog fucker is like a big fucking festering pimple right in the middle of my forehead. I can't escape her, I can't even hide from her by wearing a mask because she is always just... There! And every so often, the pimple needs to be burst, so the pus and poison and congealed blood can flow out until the next time it comes to a head.

So it's been 2 months since our fight and we haven't spoken to each other at all in that time. That may seem unbelievable seeing as though we basically live together, but seeing as though I have a busy life, and she leaves the house at best once a week, really don't run into each other that much. The most contact we have, is when I go to grandma's house to get something, pick up a kid/s, or talk to mil about something. And at those times, we try to stay out of each others way, or even in the same room just ignore each other.
I was happy with this arrangement, no fakeness, no big argument, just happiness and peace in our mutual hatred for each other.

Until she realized I deleted her from Facebook... My bad? Maybe, but fuck I was angry and just didn't want anything to do with the bitch so I deleted. Such a huge step in our social networked world, I don't know how it took her this long to notice though, she literally has like 4 friends on there, I thought she would have noticed straight away.

So she must have figured it out and ran crying to her mummy because yesterday out of the blue, mil sent me a message on a group message (meaning it goes to me, dog fucker, ryota, and bil) saying: "Corinne! I have to ask, did you delete dog fucker from Facebook?!"

And then I got pissed, if mil really wanted to ask me she should have just done so in a private mail, or even better, face to face, but I really don't know what she thought she was going to achieve by group messaging that shit. Especially seeing ass though she's been very Japanese about the whole thing until now and not said one word to me about it.
So I ignored the message and Ryota had a go at her but they managed to sort out there stuff after a long mailing battle.

I kind of felt guilty at first, but honestly, I just don't want anything to do with her, so this drastic measure is what it's going to take I think. She's never going to apologise to me and that's the only way I'll ever be going into dog fucker negotiations, until then I'm more than happy to just ignore, unlike her I actually have other things to keep me occupied. If she was someone important to me at some point and I thought our friendship was worth salvaging I would give in for the sake of family harmony, but that's what everyone does for her, they make exceptions for her "difficult personality" but sorry, not happening with this gaijin!

As expected, grandma and mil are on her side of the fence in the argument, Ryota is on mine and BIL is somewhere in the middle possibly having a brain bleed... Business as usual really.

Snakes

If I had to compare Japanese people to an animal, it would definitely be snakes. Some are misunderstood, they all try to blend in unnoticed in their environment, most are harmless, and some slither along the ground hunting for some poor innocent mouse only to consume it whole and then slink away soundlessly.

OK, not all people are snakes, but I swear to fucking God most Japanese people (even the ones near and dear to me) are always slinking away from something. Holding something back, or putting on a fake skin only to shed it later and leave you fucking not believing what kind of person you thought they were.

A classic example, is in my business. I have an English school and when you open your own school and are the main teacher, it's kind of hard to not take it personally when a student suddenly quits. In the beginning I really did take it personally, but I've not only learnt not to take it personally but I've learnt that it's such a cycle, you get just as many new students as ones that quit. So if students tell me they're quitting, I'm totally fine with it, happy for them, invite them to school parties even after they've stopped taking lessons, I'm all good with it. Problem is, students NEVER say they're quitting, they say "I think I'm going to take a bit of time off..." But that's cool, they're being nice. The snakes that fuck me off, are the ones that flat out lie because they don't want to feel bad (but maybe they justify their horrible behaviour by trying to save my feelings??). I've had two this year, kids. The first girl had been coming for about 2 years, seemed to be enjoying herself, and then her mum said that she didn't get on with one of the boys in her class.

Now group lessons mean stiff fucking biccies if you can't get on with the boy, deal with it. However, I like this girl, so I juggled around all the classes to change her from her 4 o clock lesson to 5 o clock where she would be with 3 nice girls. This was quite a fuck around though due to several admin factors, but I did it anyway. 2 WEEKS after she'd changed classes, her mum came up to me and mumbled "Ummm, M-chan won't be coming next month..." And I almost didn't get what she was saying, she couldn't look at me and scurried away so quickly I just had time to nod.

The next was even MORE sneaky, the little boy who M-chan couldn't get on with, H-kun. He had been coming for a year and was one of those kids who pisses everyone off because he's an arrogant, mouthy little shit, but he's smart so he can back up his arrogance. I actually quite liked him, his mum spoke quite good English too so we often chatted if she came to pick him up. So I get a mail out of the blue from H-kun's mum saying he'd be quitting due to a "family crisis" to which I sent back a concerned mail (half knowing it was bullshit) to which I got no reply. She then sent a jar of jam with H-kun for me on his last day and I sent her a thank you mail and also got no reply. And then H-kun, being mouthy like he is, said "Yeah I'm quitting to go to cram school."
So why the fuck wouldn't his mum just say that?! I don't really give a fuck what he's doing, just don't fucking lie about it to make yourself feel better?!
AND THEN I saw H-kun and his family last night on the way home from the local festival, and H-kun screamed out "CCOOORRRRRIIINNNNEEEE SSSEEENNNSSEEEEIIIII!!!!!" and ran over to me, his mum looked mortified and hurried along the road, I said Hello to her and she literally did a rushed bow and SCURRIED away. I could not fucking believe it, does she really think her business is that important to me?? There are a lot of obnoxious little H-kuns to take his place, she needn't worry...

And even my Japanese friends, I can never completely trust them, because they're always just that little bit sneaky. I feel like a big awkward blond bear in a field of snakes sometimes.

Summer blogging

Just doesn't fucking happen, deal with it people. It's either so hot I'm laying naked on my kitchen floor in front of the fan trying to save on air con or I use up all my energy working and breathing and shit that I can't be fucked doing anything else. Sorry, will try to be better now the bulk of summer is over.

Honestly though, if this blog is quiet, it's because nothing is really happening to warrant wasting your time reading about boring everyday shit. my kid started walking, I lost a few more kgs, we went on a few trips around the place... but nobody really gives a fuck about the mundane things that mean a lot to me.

Dog fucker front- Still not talking. It's been 2 months and I'm fucking LOVING this blissful state of tolerate and ignore we've got going. She did come over the other day and asked me if I wanted some pizza, it was the first time she'd talked to me since our fight and her voice was shaking, I can't be that scary can I?? So that's kind of her way of trying to make up maybe?? But fuck that, it's an apology or I'm going to take advantage of this time where I don't have to pretend I like her when I don't.

Ryota and I are all good. Apart from the fact that he wants to quit his job and I haven't actually said he can't this time which has thrown him for a loop. Before when he's said he's wanted to quit I've been the token nagging wife telling him to suck it up and get through it for the sake of a secure salary and bonuses. But I actually thought about it and was like, "Well fuck it, if you're not happy just quit! It will be a new adventure!" And then he went all funny and didn't mention it much again. I should try this tactic more often!

My Dad has discovered he has something called Orthostatic tremors, which isn't THAT bad but it has really made me think seriously about trying to move home in case someone really does get sick, I think this contributed to me telling Ryota to not give a fuck about quitting, it would probably kick our arses into actually trying to move back home.

OK, few summer snaps, then I'm out!