Thursday 22 August 2013

Snakes

If I had to compare Japanese people to an animal, it would definitely be snakes. Some are misunderstood, they all try to blend in unnoticed in their environment, most are harmless, and some slither along the ground hunting for some poor innocent mouse only to consume it whole and then slink away soundlessly.

OK, not all people are snakes, but I swear to fucking God most Japanese people (even the ones near and dear to me) are always slinking away from something. Holding something back, or putting on a fake skin only to shed it later and leave you fucking not believing what kind of person you thought they were.

A classic example, is in my business. I have an English school and when you open your own school and are the main teacher, it's kind of hard to not take it personally when a student suddenly quits. In the beginning I really did take it personally, but I've not only learnt not to take it personally but I've learnt that it's such a cycle, you get just as many new students as ones that quit. So if students tell me they're quitting, I'm totally fine with it, happy for them, invite them to school parties even after they've stopped taking lessons, I'm all good with it. Problem is, students NEVER say they're quitting, they say "I think I'm going to take a bit of time off..." But that's cool, they're being nice. The snakes that fuck me off, are the ones that flat out lie because they don't want to feel bad (but maybe they justify their horrible behaviour by trying to save my feelings??). I've had two this year, kids. The first girl had been coming for about 2 years, seemed to be enjoying herself, and then her mum said that she didn't get on with one of the boys in her class.

Now group lessons mean stiff fucking biccies if you can't get on with the boy, deal with it. However, I like this girl, so I juggled around all the classes to change her from her 4 o clock lesson to 5 o clock where she would be with 3 nice girls. This was quite a fuck around though due to several admin factors, but I did it anyway. 2 WEEKS after she'd changed classes, her mum came up to me and mumbled "Ummm, M-chan won't be coming next month..." And I almost didn't get what she was saying, she couldn't look at me and scurried away so quickly I just had time to nod.

The next was even MORE sneaky, the little boy who M-chan couldn't get on with, H-kun. He had been coming for a year and was one of those kids who pisses everyone off because he's an arrogant, mouthy little shit, but he's smart so he can back up his arrogance. I actually quite liked him, his mum spoke quite good English too so we often chatted if she came to pick him up. So I get a mail out of the blue from H-kun's mum saying he'd be quitting due to a "family crisis" to which I sent back a concerned mail (half knowing it was bullshit) to which I got no reply. She then sent a jar of jam with H-kun for me on his last day and I sent her a thank you mail and also got no reply. And then H-kun, being mouthy like he is, said "Yeah I'm quitting to go to cram school."
So why the fuck wouldn't his mum just say that?! I don't really give a fuck what he's doing, just don't fucking lie about it to make yourself feel better?!
AND THEN I saw H-kun and his family last night on the way home from the local festival, and H-kun screamed out "CCOOORRRRRIIINNNNEEEE SSSEEENNNSSEEEEIIIII!!!!!" and ran over to me, his mum looked mortified and hurried along the road, I said Hello to her and she literally did a rushed bow and SCURRIED away. I could not fucking believe it, does she really think her business is that important to me?? There are a lot of obnoxious little H-kuns to take his place, she needn't worry...

And even my Japanese friends, I can never completely trust them, because they're always just that little bit sneaky. I feel like a big awkward blond bear in a field of snakes sometimes.

13 comments:

  1. Sorry, I'm one of those long-time lurkers who rarely, if ever, posts a comment. But I just wanted to say: thank you for posting this. This is one of the things that I can't stand about Japan. I once had a mother lie to me about why her daughter was quitting, claiming that the daughter had a serious case of encephalitis. I saw them in the grocery store in a nearby city (happened to be visiting a friend), and the girl ran up to me to give me a hug, and the mother basically dragged her away while pretending to ignore me.

    I understand that it comes from a difference in culture, but, well, that doesn't mean it can't also fill me with rage.

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    1. I just don't get it... Don't say anything or just tell the truth...?? They're going to avoid either way but at least they could avoid with a clear conscience!
      Thanks for getting it! :D

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  2. Following your ever so entertaining blog from London for a year or so and felt compelled to response.
    I am surprised you have not discovered the reason after the length of time spent in Japan. Just like the English,it is ingrained into the Japanese psyche that confrontation is never a good thing so they have learnt to be two-faced.Just like me( I am not English and my partner is Japanese)I know Aussies are essentially straight talking people ie WYSIWYG(what you see is what you get)so it is hard to come to terms with what you describe as snaky people but please do for your own sake and not take it personally. Best wihes.

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    1. Honestly, I think I learnt a long time ago, but there are just more and more examples these days I think :)
      I'm not even that much of a straight talker, but I don't see the point of making some big elaborate lie, just say "Sorry, he has to quit"... You're right though, I shouldn't take it personally, it really is just an ingrained thing. Thanks for the comment!

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  3. I had this "grandmother is sick" send kid to Juku stuff years ago so i injected the Eiken and TOEIC and that stopped. So long as they are reading and writing and challenging tests before their classmates I keep em' This is also why I do a trial for the students and have performance contracts. They will get results the hard way or the scary hard way or I cut them. I reversed the entire situation in about 4 years time. Just remembering that shit makes me ill though. snakes......yesssssssss ;)

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    1. Honestly, I don't really care if they quit :D I have more than enough students, I wish I could let them know this somehow. I guess you're doing that with your cut throat system, people don't feel like they're doing you a favour by sending their kids to you, it's the other way around. i have much to learn from you sensei!

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  4. THis was awesome Corinne.
    You effing rock.
    (kiss on the check)

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  5. Hub is the year of the snake - literally. But I totally agree, sometimes there is just too much bollocks to see through. Just. tell. it. how. it. bloody. is already. It might be a NZ/Ausie thing but fuck, it annoys the shit out of me. I had one 12 year old girl stop lately - she had been coming for four years. A lot of her braces checks are in the city two hours away on her English class day. I was left hanging as to whether she had actually quit or was going to come back. Ran into her mum as I was picking up Shou from after school care and just straight out asked her. She turned to her daughter and said you aren't going any more aye? or do you want to? No she replied. Ah well, at least I had a final answer!
    gaijinwife

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    1. Right?! Not even exactly how it is, but some sort of shade of how it it would make me happy!!
      I'm guessing it's even harder in the country because you run into everyone quite often!

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  6. It's freaking annoying. And I don't get how it's avoiding confrontation. What's confrontational about it?

    I've been doing Japanese classes off and on for ages now and, when it gets to the end of term, they'll ask 'are you continuing nex term?' and I either say yes or no.

    It's a business and no one's feeling are going to get hurt if I stop going taking classes. It's not a judgment on them. It'd create a whole lot more bad feeling if I said I wanted to be in the class then just didn't turn up/pay and lost them the chance to get another student in. Surely that is basic common sense.

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    1. You're so right, my feelings didn't even come into it until the sneakiness started!!

      I did the same with dance classes, I started and I just couldn't go anymore, I loved the teacher, I loved the lessons but it just wasn't happening because of timing. I didn't say I had an illnes, I just said, "Sorry I really want to come but I'm just too busy." Maybe my teacher would have appreciated sneakiness because she's Japanese!? :D

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  7. I hate how you always attack the Japanese and make generalizations when you live there. I think you would moan either way - if they told you they wanted their kids out because they weren't seeing any improvements by going to your school, you would still blame something/body else. Maybe if you were nicer, people would be more honest with you. You really put me off ever going to Australia!!

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    1. Don't not go to Australia! I'm from whinging Pom blood, hence the moaning.
      But you're wrong, I don't moan either way, because students quit and start all the time and I actually never moan about it, because that's business. It was only this time that the mum got so blatantly caught that I felt the need to moan, but feel free to not read/comment if you don't like it!

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