Thursday 9 January 2014

Chopstick etiquette

I can't believe I didn't write about this!!

I hope someone coming to Japan will look up chopstick etiquette and then get sent here to read all about my ridiculous family and their countless battles...

So, things have been OK since dog fucker and I had the big blow out in summer, but still kinda, tense... It's hard to go back from big fights in my opinion. However, unless I was totally pissed off I'd decided to keep the peace (AKA keep the babysitters) from now on. Ryota made no such promise though and was the one that go into it this time.

I was actually at work so am getting the story from both sides second hand but from what I can tell:
Ryota was looking after the boys while I was working, which for a Japanese dad with family close by pretty much means 20% looking after and 80% going to their parents house while their family looks after the kids. Now usually this is OK, but dog fucker gets cranky about it at random times when she has her knickers in a twist, or she has her period, or she just feels like being a fucker. And fair enough, that's totally her right and would be completely understood in a western country.

So dog fucker had her nose out of joint to begin with as far as I can see. Then they were having dinner and it ended up as Ryota and dog fucker at the table together. Japanese family dinner usually consists of stuff in big bowls that you take stuff from and put on your own little plate, and apparently dog fucker was attacking a giant boiled radish but instead of taking it from the big bowl and putting it on her bowl to cut up and eat, she was cutting it up in the big bowl. Now Ryota pretty much told her to stop being disgusting and take it from the bowl instead of poking her spit-covered choppies and infecting the other radishes. Fuck me, even writing it is so stupid... So dog fucker took real offence to this and told him to fuck off to his own house if he didn't like it. Ryota then let his famous temper go and let rip on her about being a freakish freak who has never had to co-exist with other people, no manners, no social graces blah blah.

This escalated to Ryota hurling some fried chicken at her head and her responding with smashing a plate on the ground. I really wish I had been there if only for the comedic value.
Apparently after that it calmed down a bit and they were just ignoring each other, but about an hour later Ryota was watching telly and dog fucker ended up looking after Bailey and screamed at Ryota to look after his own fucking kid. (or something to that Japanese effect.) Now fair play to her, but still, she's such a bitch that I instantly have to take his side, plus he's supposed to be my life partner and all...

Now the person I feel sorry for is MIL, she was just an innocent bystander, when Ryota asked her who she thought was right, and she sided with dog fucker, or not even sided, but just tried to be diplomatic it seems. Now Ryota refers to them as "the bitch whores" and hasn't talked to either of them in a month. This really doesn't effect me so much except for the times when I want everyone to just piss off out of the house so I can clean it, that just never happens anymore. Lucky I don't clean that often I guess.

Not sure how it will end, Christmas and New year went by with no contact, the next event will be Ash's birthday at the end of this month but I'm guessing we'll probably end up with 2 different parties. Fun and family games!

So please, do be careful with those chopsticks, if you misuse them they may become weapons of mass radish destruction!


  1. can't believe they threw shit over bloody cutting up a daikon!! Awesome. I wish you'd been there too! Hope they can call a truce in time for Ash's birthday. But then I guess he benefits if he gets two birthdays. And fuck cleaning. Its so over rated. xx

  2. The story is as amazing as I had hoped! I wish I could have witnessed the flying fried chicken. To be fair, my brother and I are absolutely capable of getting into this kind of fight, but we would start laughing not long aster the food started flying... Hope Ash still gets loads of prezzies.

  3. "I really wish I had been there if only for the comedic value."
    My thoughts exactly XD Sorry, but your writing had so much comedic style, I had tears in my eyes reading it XD

    Well, at least you can expect little Ash being buried in presents with 2 different parties ^^;

  4. Wow, that's awesome. Seems a long time to hold a grudge over something so stupid though. I guess my family are all the get pissy quick, get over it quick types.

  5. I love your stories! A whole month with no talking though - that is quite the epic sulking ability. I agree with Gaijinwife about the cleaning.

  6. Wow. Just wow. Your husband needs to grow up in many ways. When you are a guest in someone else's home, you just don't do that kind of thing. Even when it is your relatives' place. Especially if you are only going there to get out of watching your own children.

    He needs to apologize.

  7. oh there always has to be a serious commenter out there.