One for all you Ryota haters...

It was bound to happen, Ryota has made me cry, even when we only spend 2 hours a day together!

I get that this week is hard on him too, but not fucking really. He hasn't dropped off or picked up ash from kindy any day this week, taken two and a half days off work, not cooked a single meal (including breakfast) and has no doubt left the house in a mess. How hard is it when you have a house full of women next door doing everything for you??

So, the crying incident. THE DAY of my operation too! I came out of surgery all groggy and not being able to talk, and Ryota had just got there because he'd gone running, so he sits there and after about 20 minutes said "Can I go home? I'm bored..." but fair play, there was nothing he could do and I just felt guilty with him sitting there doing nothing anyway. So he comes back in the evening with the rest of his family and I realized that my portable Internet thingy is missing part of the plug that charges it. I was still kind of drugged up but thought it was probably still in the power board at the school and that I just needed the extra bit. I'd asked mil earlier in the day to go have a look for it but she couldn't find it so I was getting worried it was lost somewhere else. I hadn't told Ryota yet, because I knew he would be angry with me, and sure enough, when he discovered that it was missing he went off on a rant of "I can't believe how stupid you are! The whole point of the Internet was so you could use your pad in hospital! No we'll have to buy a whole new one, they don't just sell them by themselves!" now I had many protests I wanted to voice at this point, but I literally, physically couldn't, so I started to cry, in pain and frustration and annoyance at his thoughtlessness. I should give dog-fucker credit here too, because mid-rant she actually told him to shut up and stop ding a wanker and that she would look for it the next day. It's seriously the most I've ever felt any good feelings toward do fucker.

He sent a lame apology mail later saying he was tired and this week was really hard. Uh huh.
The next incident came last night. Ash has been quite good at night apparently, but last night he must have had an upset stomach because he was crying until quite late, so I get this mail from Ryota...




At 11:30 last night, with no extra info apart from "I'm sleepy..." did he not know that would worry me?? And like I can fuckin do anything about it anyway???
Lucky for me (and him) I was drugged and sleeping by 11, but fuck, what is wrong with him?!?!

Divorce plans are moving steadily ahead.


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Hey

If I'm going to be in pain, and in my pajamas for a week, and surrounded by old ladies with saggy tits...

At least I can look slightly hot! Broke out the make-up much to everyone's shock. "but you're sick!!!!" Who says that being sick means you have to look like you're already dead!? Ok I've definitely been watching too much sex and the city, next I'll be strutting up the halls in 6 inch heels!






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Poor old earwig

Earwig has officially been released from our room and promptly replaced by two young, fragile little things resembling underfed deer. I don't know how old these girls are but way too old to be hiding behind their mummy's skirts (almost literally!). But still, I probably only say that because my mum isn't here for me to hide behind!

Earwig continued to listen to every word that was uttered from behind her curtain but the thing that became more and more interesting was how much the hospital staff, both nurses and doctors alike, hated her! I find that the usual way in Japan to show contempt is to slap on a fake smile, utter the right phrase depending on the situation, then bitch about the situation later. Nope, not with earwig, it was so very obvious that she was a huge pain in the arse for all she came in contact with. And I can kind of understand, she was a big fan of the nurse bell, I swear she rang it every time she farted! I on the other hand am the opposite. I hate ringing the bell, even when I'm in a lot of pain, I am getting better at it though.

So earwig was supposed to be released this morning, but pleaded with the doctors and nurses to let her be released after lunch. At first they all just told her it was impossible, and that she had to have her arse out by morning, but she wasn't having it, and kept going on and on until finally a nurse cracked and called admin to see if it could be done. The nurse was still on the phone when she asked earwig why it was absolutely necessary to be released after lunch and she replied: " I have no family to pick me up so it's easier to get home at lunch time..." I don't know how true this is, it wasn't like she was going to be leaving at 6am or anything, but I felt sorry for her then, and I had noticed that nobody had come to see the poor dear, unlike me...

Since I've been here I've had mil, dog-fucker, Ryota, Ashton, fil, aunty and uncle in-law (who came with a little money envelope, score!) here to see me at various times. The nurses were surprised that I had so many visitors even though my family were obviously in Australia. I felt lucky, for a few seconds. And then I remembered have to go back to living with the bastards next week...
Still, I'd be so bored and lonely if no bastard came to see me.

Earwig finally got the go ahead to go home after lunch but the nurses just kept talking to her like she just wanted to score an extra meal, I don't know, maybe she did? But she kept asking them for pain medicine every single hour and they just kept telling her "no fucking suck it up, you had a tooth removed!" I think earwig got drug jealousy when they came to my bed offering to shove painkillers up my arse. Dear god I've never been so willing to have my anal cavity invaded, I had my pants down and bare bum out and ready before she'd even got the lovely little bullet out of it's wrapping!

Earwig also gave me a bizarre goodbye in the hallway and said "say goodbye to ash-kun for me!" one this normally wouldn't be so weird, but shed had her curtain closed the whole time ash was here, they were never introduced, she must have been peeking through the curtain and then memorized his name, which is not easy for Japanese people being a foreign name and all. Still, I felt really sorry for her, seeing ash has been the highlight of my days here. Shame she didn't have anyone to come see her.

Ok, I'm about to get another iv of god knows what, I'm hoping pain killers so I best be a good patient and stop blogging while they do it. Will blog the actual operation ordeal when I'm drugged up!

Check out my blood filled iv, gross!



- Posted using BlogPress from my iPad

And I'm in!

Will have to blog pictures from my phone but I'm in!

Mil came with me (I thank the lord dog fucker didn't want to tag along and still had her lazy arse in bed when we left!) to get settled in and now I'm just, well, bored... Hence the blogging. Expect a lot of this I think.

I've already met an interesting character, I'm going to call her earwig lady, my roommate is fucking scary. Old enough to not give a fuck about a foreigner being her roommate but not old enough to be a nice old lady. She whips her curtain back and forth with an edge of distain and when I introduced myself and did the yoroshiku onegaishimas's (I'll be cashing those in later when the noisy child gets here!) she just nodded and whipped her curtain. May as well have just pissed on it to show her territory! Still, I shouldn't be too harsh, she may have been here for that long that a new roommate isn't a big deal. And if she was a chatter I'd be even more pissed off.
But even more scary was the way that she was obviously listening to EVERY word mil and I said from behind her curtain. We were using our hushed hospital voices and talking about visiting hours when from behind the curtain, earwig lady said "until 8!!" in a very matter-of-fact-way, the words hurtling out of her mouth like a weapon. After lunch the same thing happened, we were looking at menu choices ( which is pretty much just rice porridge for me) when she said "YOU HAVE TO TELL THEM A DAY IN ADVANCE IF YOU DON'T LIKE SOMETHING!" this was random and really bad because it made mil and I go in to silent laughing fits trying not to make any noise. I'm sure old earwig will give me lots to blog about too...

I've had all the usual "you're Japanese is so good, I was really worried when I saw a foreign was coming in!" from all the nurses, met with the anesthesiologist who assured me I'd be out of it from the time the happy gas went on, and I have to share a bath with 2 old ladies at 2 in the afternoon, but all in all, things are going smoothly. I also get lovely sleeping pills tonight to send me off to dream/drug land!

Photos to come...

Day 1

Well, operation operation is officially starting today!

I'm getting ready to leave the house now and go into hospital. From 10 fucking am, which is bizarre, because I'm not getting operated on until 1pm tomorrow. Who knows what I'm going to do with myself for over 24 hours... Chat with old ladies and have nurses ask me if I speak Japanese 50 million times no doubt.

I'm prepared though, I have 20 DVDs, including season 6 of sex and the city, my iPad, and all the books I've been wanting to read but haven't had time in the last 2 years. So if I'm in pain at least I'll be entertained and in pain...

Ok must do the last load of washing for a week then get my arse to the hospital, will blog later tonight no doubt!

What this weekend has taught me!

1) Ipads and beer and blogging = no mixy!
 No ,not really, I was pissed, but not that pissed. It was kind of fun writing EXACTLY what was going on in the moment!

2) Whining makes me feel like a big baby afterwards.
 My problems are fucking minuscule compared to others, so whinging is good to cleanse the soul and all, but I really should just give myself an uppercut and move on with life instead of being a big moaning fuckwit.

 3) I HATE my father-in-law when he's drunk.
 He sways and spits and makes derogatory comments about my family and then tries to fucking come on to my mum. I almost fucking vomited all over his white carpet. I don't love him when he's sober but really don't like him when he's pissed!

 4) Comments make me wee a little bit with appreciation and excitement!
 OK, gross, not really. But thank you for all the lovely comments of advice, support, comfort and the rest!

5) Drunken blogging doesn't change my position.
I thought that I might not feel the same way the next morning, but I still do. Not as strong and not as hate filled, but still there. Although you know when you drink and get all emotional, then after the emotional stage comes the philosophical stage?? I got to thinking, maybe all married people fucking hate each other, and a successful marriage is just tolerating the other person, or finding a way to block out how much you actually can't stand them...? Maybe I have an unrealistic view of what a marriage should be and should just stick with it, get a hobby,  possibly a boyfriend, and go on with my life...?

All things to ponder! One good thing did happen at the BBQ among all the shit things, it's a fantastic twist of karma-laced fate and it makes me smile just thinking about it. Will have to wait till tomorrow when I have a break from filling young minds with English though!

Right...

Didn't get round to bloggging after dancing and I'm now pissed as a fuckin knit after a fair few massive glasses of beer that my fucking father in law keeps feeding me. I don't fucking want to be at his house drinking his beer (ok maybe I do a bit)... But I'd rather be with MY family, on MY terms, speaking MY fucking language. Anyway, bottom line is- I'm drunk. So we'll see how it goes... But basically, I'm hatching a plan to leave my husband. There I fuckin said it. Damn you alcohol and your ability to bring out the truth! I'm estimating about a year from now, when I've syphoned off enough money in case shit goes bad and worked out just how I will survive on my own. I can't live with him anymore. Yesterday basically kicked off when I started a fight. And it was my fault. And I took the repercussions because I was a bitch about it. But I should be able to be a bitch sometimes, he's always a fucking arsehole to me and I don't get the fucking luxury of being angry. God I just want to cry but I'm sitting here in front of everyone skulling beer and thinking about going to the toilet and crying. He hates me. Why would I stay with someone who hates me? Who never shows me he loves me? Who only wants me around to bring me down? I'd rather live alone. I hate it here. I'm suffocating. Now he's fucking insulting my family. I hate it here. Wait did I already write that...?

My husband...

Is a fucking arsehole. That's all. Actually, it's not, I plan to do much more bitching when I get home from dancing!

Operation: operation....

I'm getting my tonsils out this month, after about 10 bouts of tonsillitis this year it really is a necessary evil, although I'm extremely nervous about all elements of me being in hospital for a week.

The most worrying: my household falling apart! Funny how the thought of leaving Ash and Ryota alone for a week is way more stressful that my throat being hacked at and bleeding profusely for a few days. In saying that, I'm sure that mil and grandma will come swooping in and do pretty much everything for their precious chonan, I'm kinda hoping they don't though, then the bastard might appreciate me a bit more!

I should give my usually-a-fuckface-but-sometimes-alright husband a bit of a mention though, he planned to buy me an ipad2 for when I went in to hospital so I wouldn't be bored. Awwwwwwww. Of course I foiled his well laid plans by having the same idea and then just going and buying it. But he did fuck around in a rush to make sure I had a portable wi-fi thingy so I can use it anywhere. See, he can be sweet sometimes!

I also thought that since I'll be in hospital for a week I may as we ll blog it, so it is my promise that I will blog every day I'm there, even if it is a drugged up one word post! I'm sure there will be tales of dopey nurses, hot doctors (ooooooo a girl can dream!), old women commenting on the size of my tits and all kinds of hospital stories! I'm actually looking forward to it in that sense, I've never had the extended Japanese hospital stay.

I'm wondering who will come visit me too, god imagine if the dog-fucker comes and I have to sit talking to her with no escape for an extended period of time, anything over 10 minutes and I think I'll be begging the nurse for a morphine overdose. It will be interesting to see if Grandma makes the trek too...

Ok must go work, I'm sorry for the lack of blogging, but I'm so busy at the school that I barely have time to do anything, ipad2 is bound to get my lazy arse writing again I'm hoping!

Beat

Defeated. Failed. Out. Down. Done.

Those words pretty much sum up my feelings right now!
Wow, I’m going for gold with the whiny, depressing posts lately, must insert cute photos to brighten this one up too!

So.

The most recent episode that leads me to believe I want to get as far away from the person I share a life with, all has to do with our car… shaken.. registration?? That thingy where someone checks the car to see if it still works and then gives you a piece of paper that says this. You know what I mean.
The last sentence actually demonstrates my point very well: I know NOTHING and don’t really want to know anything, about cars. I can drive one, I like pretty ones, big ones scare me… That’s pretty much as far as my knowledge of cars goes, call me old fashioned but cars are for males, (although I do know how to put water and oil in and pump up the tires, so not totally useless.) So when we forgot to get our little car done, (it’s every 2 years in Japan) it was left up to me to take it in, walk home in the blazing heat, approve any shit that needed fixing, walk back in the fucking heat to get the damn thing, pay, and drive home. Sounds relatively simple, except this was not in my first language, plus car language is totally foreign to me anyway, so it was in my 3rd language!

I’m not a total idiot, (despite what Ryota has to say on the matter) so when the little car shop man called me up and in extremely fast and difficult Japanese tried to flog me a new battery and brake pads, I told him I didn’t need anything that wasn’t essential to passing the car checky thingy. I actually said to him “My husband will be angry with me if I get anything non-essential!” Which shows just how much of a fucking arse Ryota is, I knew he’d be pissed even before he’d started yelling at me!
I was proud of myself as I’m actually a sucker for a good sales pitch even when it’s not in my first language and anyone who lives in a country where the language isn’t their own, will attest to that marvelous tactic of just agreeing even when you don’t understand what someone is saying so you can get the fuck out of that conversation quick smart. So all things considered, I think I did well.

Fast forward to 6pm when my darling husband comes home and demands a report on the car. How much did it cost? What did they do? Did they fix the noise?
No ‘thanks for doing that’ mind you, just the questions. So I answered all calmly as I fixed the fucker’s dinner and all was fine until we got to the part where I said “Oh yeah and they changed the oil and the element…”
You would have thought that I’d just told him I was a war criminal the way he reacted seriously, it can’t be described, but he basically said, “Oh my god how could you be so fucking stupid, we didn’t need the oil changing!” And it wasn’t just a side comment, it was a big fucking deal, he was ready to get in to a big fight over it. But I didn’t bite, I just crumbled. Folded under the sheer weight of disappointment and sadness and the feeling that I will always be a failure in his eyes no matter how hard I tried. And so I cried, big, fat tears ran down my face until I just put my head in my hands and sobbed. This of course made him more angry and he started on a rant about crying under pressure and not doing anything right. I had to get away from him so I took the opportunity to go and get Ash who was making his way out the door in my shoes flip flopping around saying “outside!” As I went outside and the cool air hit my face, he looked up at me with that little worried look and said “Mummy?” because he knew I was crying, so I scooped him up and he gave me a big cuddle. It was at this point that both Grandma and Ryota came outside, Grandma to see who was crying uncontrollably, and Ryota to tell me to get inside and stop embarrassing myself/him. Grandma asked him why I was crying and he said “I’m angry because she fucked up the car check!”
I was quite prepared then for Grandma to either make a sucking noise with her teeth and ignore us, or take his side, but huge respect to Grandma, because fuck me she took mine. I believe she said “You idiot why are you angry over something so small as a car check!? Do it yourself next time, it’s not a woman’s job anyway!”
And fuck me she said it better than I ever could have. I later learned that after she found out that it was only the oil change (about 2000 yen) that he was so worked up about she told Ryota that he needed to check-in to the mental hospital if he gets angry at something so tiny.

The next day Ryota apologized and said that he didn’t know why he was getting angry so easily, maybe because of quitting smoking. But you know what, that excuse just doesn’t cut it every single time, he was the dumb fuck who was stupid enough to start sucking on cancer sticks in the first place, why should I have to deal with the consequences of him quitting??

This was last week and he’s been quite nice to me since. This doesn’t help me to forget though.