Wow...

I have no other words for it.

This past week, on this blog, and on a few other Japan blogs, a guy, if we can call him that, has been leaving nasty comments with no real clear argument or rhyme, or reason. Just pure nastiness.
I love a good fight, an argument over opinions is great, as heated as you like, but pure racist bile and filth spewing from someone's mouth and all over their keyboard just because they are hiding behind the safety and security of the Internet, not my thing at all.

I've never had to moderate comments on this blog until now, because even though I've had weird/mean/bizarre comments before, they've always been somewhat in context to the post or the situation, call me a dirty whore on the Mickey mouse wanking post, no problem! Tell me I'm an idiot for staying with my husband and whinging all the time, go ahead, feel free! I even left one of the comments which said I wasn't aging well, because, well, if that's your opinion then I'm cool with it. Straight out abuse, I'm not cool with.

I wasn't even going to dignify his childish behavior with a response because it's not even worth it, but there's a point where nasty comments go over the line, and become stalking. That happened this morning when I received a phone call and lengthy abusive voicemail from this person, that my friends is what we call stalking and all phone records have now been turned over to the police.

Am I scared? No, I'd love for this "man" to come say hi one day and show me how tough he is in real life. Fat white bitches can be pretty tough you know, especially us barbaric Australians!
Am I disgusted? Appalled? Bewildered? Yes. That a person who I don't know at all hates me with such a passion that he'd leave a comment like this:


Unknown has left a new comment on your post "Holidays!!!":

"Man up and respond, fatfuck bitch.

Because, you know, you already look like a man.

Fucking white Australians - animals, the lot of you.

Oh snap - wasn't your little fat fag with saggy arms teaching-in-an-eikaiwa-like-a-little-fuck fuckbuddy Chris supposed to hunt me down for you?

Nah, he just blocked or edited my replies. Like the little white bitch he is - you know like your daddy. All the same, white men - all little aggressive, coward bitches.

Hope you look forward to more prank calls at your little school, then! That, and spamming 2chan with the delicious morsel that will set those peeps alight - a nasty bitch whore white woman teaching their poor, innocent Japanese kids in Tsuruoka! The scandal!"



An unprovoked attack on a woman who received this comment notification and abusive phone call while lying next to a sleeping toddler and who is 4 months pregnant. Going for the tough target. Wow.

So unknown, here is my response, I wish I could give you some better ones, but quite honestly, I'm not sure what you're looking for. Am I white, fat, Australian? Yes. Am I proud of being white...? Hell no. Ummm, not sure, but I think this pretty much covers it.

Thank you to all the wonderful people who read my blog and don't stalk me, gosh I love you guys! ♥

Holidays!!!

Well, I am now officially on winter hols, it's been a long year work-wise, I took no public holidays and the bare minimum time off, and I've got the financial rewards, but am totally exhausted what with work, small child and even more childish husband, I'm fucked!

Of course the time Ryota is off will not really be a holiday, as he will no doubt go into Oosouji nazi mode and have us all cleaning every square inch of the house. I HATE doing it but am actually glad he kicks my bum into gear because I would never do it on my own and feel so much better when it's all finished.

Ash got totally spoiled for Christmas, but that's what Christmas is for afterall, I had a horrible Christmas eve which had me crying in a supermartket (more on that later) but after a tiring Christmas morning doing the school party, I ended up having a lovely roast dinner at Sassymoo's house with friends and great food, so not so bad afterall!

Ryota didn't get me a present, then predictably blamed me for not telling him what I wanted, but what else is new.

I missed my family but am hoping to make the trek home next year so I don't have to endure another Japanese Christmas.

Am kind of looking forward to the quiet New Year in Japan, eating, sleeping and organising the house for the new baby is all that's really on the agenda.

Well, that was my disconnected thought post for today! I hope you all had a wonderful Christmas whether here in Japan or wherever you are.  Here's hoping that 2012 brings us all the things we wish for!

My one word?

Well ,like a lot of you, one word was hard, but mine is...

impersonal

Anyone who lives in Japan will relate to this I think. Although impersonal has negative connotations attached to it, but in all honesty, I like a bit of removal from human contact for most things. And in Japan, impersonal = efficient.

You want to shag your secretary without your wife finding out? Go to a love hotel where a curtain separates you from any eye contact as you hand over your bills, dripping with guilty pleasure.

You need a fanny cam? Again, no interaction here, all behind a curtain!

You want a cheap curry from your local all-night restaurant? Line up and push a button for your ticket buddy, service with a smile ain't happenin' in this establishment!

The list goes on, and not all of them are good, the only reason that customer service is so damn good in Japan is because nobody actually gives a fuck about who they're serving, they're serving a customer and their robotic mind has been programmed from day 1 in Japanese society that they have a duty to perform, nothing more, nothing less.

Another huge thing that makes me sad about the impersonal nature of Japan is the lack of human... contact? I am the only mother at kindy that gives my son massive sloppy kisses when I say goodbye, most of them give high fives or just say "onegaishimasu" to the teacher, but I want my kid to know that I still love him despite palming him off on complete strangers for 8 hours a day. I hate the fact that there's no hugging within families, no comforting pats, no touching. Although dog-fucker likes to give random creepy massages bordering on sexual around my bum area and that really freaks me the fuck out...

Am I becoming one of them? A cold fish? Never wanting to take on a human heart but stick to the impersonal shell that works so well for me in so many ways?

I don't think so, not yet anyway.

I ALWAYS feel most homesick at Christmas time, I'm not sure why because Christmas at home usually ends up in being hot and bothered (literally) trying to cook Christmas dinner and a big fight at the end of the day. But at least it was real, nitty-gritty family stuff. It also doesn't help that Ryota always manages to fail spectacularly in the present/Christmas spirit department and ends up blaming me for not telling him what I wanted as a present. I've gone all out for Ash and Ryota, but that's because I like giving presents more than I like receiving them too.

So merry Christmas, I will no doubt end up crying in to a glass of fake champagne!

Thank you for all the 'one word' comments, I could relate to a lot of them!

Describe Japan in one word.

Go on, give it a go!

I was just thinking about mine but it intrigues me so I'll let you know my thoughts after I hear some other words of view.

The threesome that wasn't.

She didn't know how she got herself into these situations. It was 10am on a Sunday morning, the morning after, and she had woken up to the distant smell of deodorant and sweat as her eyes and brain, fuzzy from the remains of the alcohol still pumping through her blood, got used to her surroundings. She realised her face was resting on a dark brown chest, the tattoo running down it right next to her nose. And behind her, two bony, white knees wedged in between her legs much like a child in the womb. Hands rested on her shouler and on her belly in a protective pose. The room was horribly messy, as was her head, fumbling to piece together what had happened the night before. But there were more important things to think about, a piss and a shower to start with, then perhaps another drink to take the edge off.

It had started the night before, Saturday, her best friend and room mate, her saviour in Japan, was going home. And so a sayonara party had taken place, with a mixture of sadness and excitement for the future without her confident friend to lean on, she went to the gritty streets of Osaka for the obligatory bar hopping that had to take place whenever someone escaped the clutches of Japan to start their real lives. Her friend was popular, actually she felt a little hurt that she didn't get to spend more time with just her friend, she didn't want to share her with the crowds of adoring male fans and loud, high-pitched Japanese girls. But her friend was one of those shining stars of people that not only was a good friend, but could charm the panties off just about anyone, charisma to the extreme, and not in the cheesy way either.

So she kept to herself until she was well and truly drunk, sticking with her dark brown guy friend, who had a Japanese girlfriend but liked to drink and eat Korean BBQ with the girl, and more often than not ending up snogging in a Karaoke booth with her until 9am. They had never slept together, and it was never going to happen, but alcohol does that to you, pushes you a little bit over the edge of reason but not quite to the point of no return. They were best friends, and there wasn't much that could destroy that. On the other side of her, apart from the empty beer glasses, was the gay guy who they sometimes worked with. And he wasn't just 'gay,' he was a total flaming queen. You instantly knew within a few seconds of meeting him that he was impossibly gay, the hand gestures, the voice and the sexual innuendos were a dead giveaway. He was entertaining and had a crush on her dark brown friend so it was an interesting dynamic, although for a gay guy he touched her way more than she would have liked, it made her uncomfortable, and she was already uncomfortable enough in her own skin, without someone else making it crawl.

After more alcohol than ever should have been consumed, the conversation turned dirty, as it always tends to do, and gay guy tried to convince dark brown guy to just give 'being gay' a go. Like it was a trial for a new lifestyle and sexual orientation and a great deal. She laughed at this prospect and was secretly grateful that the attention was totally off her, but she was the buffer, gay guy was about 80% serious and dark brown guy kept joking and looking to her for support. Finally, dark brown guy agreed that if gay guy could get him hard, he'd give it a go. Sounds simple right? Well, that's what dark brown guy was like, open to anything if it was boiled down to pure simplicity. His argument was that he was straight, therefore it was physically impossible to get a hard on from another guy. The girl was totally pissed by this point and was fascinated by the whole argument of fundamental sexual biology. So the three of them left to go home, they all lived in the same area and hopped straight off the train into the local underground bar to order hard liquor and little bowls of fried foods dripping in oily delicious batter. This is the point in time where it became apparent that things were getting serious, gay guy started fondling dark brown guy under the table and she became increasingly aware of how bad it must have looked to every other person in the bar, yet the drunken haze surrounding her made it impossible to do nothing but giggle and exchange desperate glances with dark brown guy.

After about an hour at the bar it was time to push on home, to dark brown guy's house, gay guy was determined to give him a hard on, but he'd had no joy so far. Gay guy rationalised this to dark brown guy being too drunk, but she'd been in enough Karaoke boothes with him to know that he got a hard on when looking at ads for bras and panties, it wasn't that he was drunk, it was that he wasn't gay, and he wasn't turning gay for this guy who wasn't particularly ugly, but nothing that special either.
As they loaded up on covini beers and bottles of vodka to numb the reality of what was going to happen, the girl whispered to the dark brown guy, "Should I go home?!" "NOOOO" he hissed back at her, he was desperate to get out of this situation but it seemed there was no turning back now, gay guy was determined.

Finally, they got to his flat, after the girl stopped in the park to have some vodka and a swing on the swings, increasing the vodka's effects. As they traipsed up the steps, gay boy was still chatting excitedly about what fun the dark brown guy was going to have and she wondered where he thought she fit in to it all, dark brown needed her, but gay guy...
They flopped on the bed, exhausted and drunk and gay guy got straight to it under the covers searching for dark brown guy's dick, the girl giggling at the tangle of wandering hands and web of legs that was going on. Gay guy tried, for a long time, with no success to get him hard, and finally, dark brown guy said "It's no use, I'm not gay, sorry!" But gay guy was still persistent, insisting that it was because he was drunk. The girl had lost interest by this point and was watching a comedy DVD much to the dismay of dark brown guy, when she suddenly heard her name in a desperate tone of voice. Dark brown guy had had a light bulb go off in his head, he needed to prove he wasn't too drunk to get a hard on, but also that he wasn't gay, so he asked the girl to please take her clothes off and give him a blow job, then it would prove he wasn't gay.

The girl was bemused, she hadn't realised she would be dragged in to this scandalous web, but beer in hand, was suddenly excited by the idea of proving the gay guy wrong, like dashing his dreams would prove something about her, so she whipped her top off and dived in. Sure enough dark brown guy got hard as soon as she started, it was probably more from familiarity and relief than anything else, and proudly showed his engorged cock off to gay guy, who was sulking, naked on the side of the bed. They messed around for as long as they could, until gay guy tried to get in on the action, when the girl pretended to pass out, only to really pass out. Thoughts swirled through her head as she fell into the deep sleep that drinking induces, she wondered what was going to happen when they all woke up. And then they did.


This is a true story that happened not that long ago, but so long it feels like a lifetime ago. The girl is me by the way, just in case you were worried I've been pretending this whole time and I'm actually a gay guy or a dark brown one...

An update

Sorry to leave you hanging with all the misery!

Of course things are a lot better since last post, but they've been up and down, depending on Ryota's moods, which makes me believe more and more every day that he is suffering from some kind of mental health issue. And I'm not even being a smart arse, I think he might have some form of depression, not that I'm an expert or anything, but I've been around people with mental illnesses pretty much my whole life and know the signs. It's just a shame I don't think I'm one of those strong people who can get him through it, I'm just not strong enough, so we're all pretty much fucked!

Although I still maintain that if we just shag more all our problems will be solved, a good shag always makes things better!

And speaking of... There's something interesting been going on there. Don't worry, nothing too gory, but basically, when Ryota and I first dated, I think we did the normal amount of kissing, well for a part J-couple anyway. Kissing when shagging was always on the cards but not so much at other times (not counting quick pecks when saying goodbye). But after we got married, the kissing TOTALLY stopped. Not during shag time, not any time! I like kissing so I was a bit miffed, but you know, it's not that exciting when it's with someone you're married to anyway, so meh, no big loss. Then, about 2 weeks ago, he just started up with the kissing during shagging. I have no idea why, but now it is standard! Not complaining, but why would it just start up now?? I'm perfecting his technique too, he was all shove-the-tongue-right-down-the-throat in the beginning, but he's actually improving and I look forward to some of the only real intimacy we have. But really, how intimate can it get with a snoring 2 year old next to you?? Still, I take what I can get in this affection starved world I live in.

Christmas season is as busy as fuck as usual but I have decided to take 2 blissful weeks off over New Year and Christmas because, well it's my school and I'll bludge if I want to. I can't wait to be a real mum and take Ash to the park and stuff!

I'm pretty much organised present wise, sent my $200 worth of postage back to the family, funny when the postage starts costing more than the damn gift. Of course Ryota bitched and moaned like he always does about Christmas western style being expensive and too much of a bother until I told him to shut his trap, he didn't have to do any of the hard work and that it can't be helped, Christmas is expensive, deal.

I'm slowly but surely eating my way in to fattyville again, but being pregnant gives you this luxury I guess, I'll just have to take shit loads of drugs and starve myself after bubby is born. The things we do...

I HATE not being able to drink, I was literally drooling over all the foreign wines they have at our local supermarket for the festive season. Surely the baby won't mind a little drop on Chrissy night or New year's eve???

I've been having terrible cravings for Indian food, which luckily for me, is good and fairly cheap in Japan, however most of the time, the only person with enough free time/no life to go with me, is dog fucker. I hate going to dinner with her but can't really well go by myself, so I've eaten out twice with dog fucker recently. She's totally due for a mood swing so maybe I should get one more meal out of her before she snaps and retreats to her dog-fucking cave.

And again...

International marriage fucking blows.

I hate being married in Japan sometimes. To a Japanese guy. To my Japanese guy?

So, this is how it went down this morning:

All was fine, Ryota has been helping me at home, a lot this week as I felt like I was going to die from a tummy bug on Wednesday and Thursday, but brownie points or not, this morning cleared them all. We get on to conversations on work, my work. Next year I'm changing the school system so I get public holidays and some extra time off, I worked my bum off this year and it just ain't gunna happen next year, I'll be dead by I'm 30. I'm excited about the new system, it's a good system but the extra holidays may mean that some students quit. I'm prepared for this and said to Ryota that we just had to accept that next year will not be a huge money-making year for the school because a) The new system will probably mean some drop-outs. b) I'm not going to do any advertising campaigns due to having small human inside belly. And c) I'm going to have to pay a teacher for at least a while to cover some, if not all of my lessons during baby pushing-out time.
This was a reasonable statement I think, I've accepted this, but like always, Ryota turns into a fucking mental case whenever we talk about money.

So after I said we'd just have to accept next year wasn't going to be that financially good, he said "So you're telling me I can never quit my job??" And as soon as he said it I knew he just wanted a fight. That wasn't what I was saying, but honestly, I wanted to. For him to quit his job any time soon is absolutely fucking insane to me. And to answer some comments, he wants to start his own landscaping business when he quits his job, and I support this, just not now. When my business, the main salary of the house, is also going to be shitty for a while. Once the bub goes to kindy, I can go back to working my arse off and have a stable income and THEN I want him to follow his fucking pipe dreams, it won't matter if he fails then. If he fails now, we're fucked.

The reason he wants to quit his job? Is because he doesn't get along with people, but how the fuck do you tell someone nicely that it's not everyone else, it's him that's the fucker?? Not always, but I can't believe that it's ALWAYS everyone elses's fault either. I'm sure working in a Japanese workplace is horrid, but he needs to man up and do it like every other person, no?? Am I being unreasonable?? Should I just let him quit if that's what he wants to do??

Anyway, I knew he wanted to fight, sometimes I think he needs to fight to get rid of stress but it just stresses me out more, so he kept asking "When can I quit??" "You don't think I can start my own business??" To which I answered in Japanese, "Dekiru toomou yo" (No, I think you can do it.) To which he WENT OFF, saying 'don't talk to me like a fucking kid!! What the fuck is that!?' Which really fucking upset me, I wasn't being cheeky, maybe I made a mistake in Japanese but fuck me he makes mistakes and uses stupid English all the time and I never say anything, because that's what you do in an international marriage, you fucking just understand what the other person is trying to say. 

I'm so upset.

Then he asks me where the lighter is because he's going to start smoking again, he wanted me to stop him but I just didn't have the energy but it made me realise I've married a man with total mental weakness, he can't handle stress so he takes it out on others or other things. So disappointing that I've married a fucking mental case.

So at lunchtime he sends me this message:

"you dont wanna say sorry"

I replied with a massive rant that the only thing I could say sorry for was not being able to make him happier, because only he could do that.

Then he replied with:

"Why should I have to work next year? Us right?"

Ummmmm what the fuck, he wants to have the fucking baby?? Go ahead buddy!!! Be my guest, get fat, give birth, have to give up a job you actually like. Fucking cunt.

I sent him a reply to this effect that his tiny mind could comprehend and he replied with:

"you made me so angly im enught done i gave to u chance! done"

See what I mean about not tearing his fucking engrish to pieces, I would never belittle him and do that! (well except on my blog, but he already did the damage!!) I replied that he needn't come home tonight, he should stay at his Dad's house because after working 11 hours today I don't need an argument or the silent treatment. He said "got it. see you." So who fucking knows what that means most likely he'll come home and be a complete prick anyway but I really hope not.

Isn't this a horrible thought I just had, maybe if he came home and we had such a big argument that I had a miscarriage it would solve our problems.

Fucking messy, sorry for the horrible darkness, but I need some way to let it out!

Jumping

To conclusions, and literally that is.

On the weekend, we went to... the horse races. I know, gambling with the toddler on the weekend sounds a bit seedy, but we didn't go for the gambling, we went for the massive kids park they have there to lure families so it isn't just old men sucking on cigarettes to disguise the stench of desperation that seeps from their pores.

Still plenty of desperate old men putting their last bit of yen and dignity to their names on a galloping animal with a mini-person riding it, they all gave me plenty of gaijin stares too, I felt like saying "FUCK YOU, DEGENERATE GAMBLER!!" in a Tony Soprano voice, but I restrained myself.
So after we cleared the actual gambling area, we got to the massive, and it is huge, park for kids. 5 different play equipment thingies, swings, slides, sand, even TV screens for the dads so they can keep one eye on little Hiro-kun and the other on his sure bet. But the most impressive thing: massive titties!!!

Yes! Actual big soft, bouncy titties that the kids can bounce on. The more politically correct may call these mochi mountains or something, but if you just painted a nipple on each peak, perfect tits!

So Ash headed straight for the bouncy titties but instead of climbing up and bouncing like a normal kid, had great difficulty getting up the sides to bouncy fun heaven. He tried about 10 times and was getting so frustrated with himself as his lardy arse kept sliding down he gave a big dramatic "NOOOOOO!!!!" each time. It was quite funny for me to watch, seeing as though I'm more of the type of mother that stands and giggles at her son's frustrations rather than helps him. I decided I'd give him a few more tries and then give his little bum a boost, but as I was being amused by his failure to bounce on the tits, I noticed two boys up the top looking at Ash. They were probably about 3rd or 4th graders and looked from me to Ash and obviously made the connection that he was a halfie. I also noticed that every time Ash got close to the top they were bouncing so close to him that it was contributing to his falls back down the sides. I watched for a few more times and already decided I hated these two little fuckers, obviously they were just being smart arses trying to stop the little kid getting up by bouncing in his space! So I led Ash over to the middle of the two tits where the sides weren't quite so steep so it would be easier for him to climb up.

Although he still was having trouble, it seemed a bit easier for him but then I noticed the same two boys had followed him and were now bouncing at the top where Ash was trying to get up. I really started to get pissed off then. Were they bullying him?? Because he was little?? Chubby?? A halfie?? Ash was still failing miserably and as the two boys got so close to Ash that it was impossible for him to get up, I was a second away from telling them to go fuck off or I would release gaijin fury on them, when suddenly the smaller of the two boys gave me a quick glance and caught Ash's hand as he once again slid hopelessly to the bottom of the titties. I was a bit shocked, but thought I'd see what would happen when I heard the boy say "NOOOO jyanai yo! Dekiru yo!" (Don't say NO! You can do it!) And I was flabbergasted as the smaller boy took his hands and the bigger boy pushed his bum from behind and they helped him up to the top.

Thank fucking God I didn't tell them off.

I'd looked at these poor kids through suspicious gaijin eyes, I didn't even think that maybe they'd been plucking up the courage to help him. And I felt ashamed and realised that I've been living in Japan so long with people assuming I can't use chopsticks and staring at me and asking me if I'm a Russian hostess, that I'm way too defensive. I feel like when I came here I was a cute innocent porcupine and I'm still that porcupine, only I'm just waiting for someone to piss me off, my spikes ready and willing to jab anyone that has a go.

It was a good experience though, it made me realise that not everyone in the world is a cunt, and if I go through life thinking they are then I'm going to encounter way more of them along the way. Wow, who knew I could get an inspirational line in with the word cunt... Score!