Thursday 1 December 2011


To conclusions, and literally that is.

On the weekend, we went to... the horse races. I know, gambling with the toddler on the weekend sounds a bit seedy, but we didn't go for the gambling, we went for the massive kids park they have there to lure families so it isn't just old men sucking on cigarettes to disguise the stench of desperation that seeps from their pores.

Still plenty of desperate old men putting their last bit of yen and dignity to their names on a galloping animal with a mini-person riding it, they all gave me plenty of gaijin stares too, I felt like saying "FUCK YOU, DEGENERATE GAMBLER!!" in a Tony Soprano voice, but I restrained myself.
So after we cleared the actual gambling area, we got to the massive, and it is huge, park for kids. 5 different play equipment thingies, swings, slides, sand, even TV screens for the dads so they can keep one eye on little Hiro-kun and the other on his sure bet. But the most impressive thing: massive titties!!!
Yes! Actual big soft, bouncy titties that the kids can bounce on. The more politically correct may call these mochi mountains or something, but if you just painted a nipple on each peak, perfect tits!

So Ash headed straight for the bouncy titties but instead of climbing up and bouncing like a normal kid, had great difficulty getting up the sides to bouncy fun heaven. He tried about 10 times and was getting so frustrated with himself as his lardy arse kept sliding down he gave a big dramatic "NOOOOOO!!!!" each time. It was quite funny for me to watch, seeing as though I'm more of the type of mother that stands and giggles at her son's frustrations rather than helps him. I decided I'd give him a few more tries and then give his little bum a boost, but as I was being amused by his failure to bounce on the tits, I noticed two boys up the top looking at Ash. They were probably about 3rd or 4th graders and looked from me to Ash and obviously made the connection that he was a halfie. I also noticed that every time Ash got close to the top they were bouncing so close to him that it was contributing to his falls back down the sides. I watched for a few more times and already decided I hated these two little fuckers, obviously they were just being smart arses trying to stop the little kid getting up by bouncing in his space! So I led Ash over to the middle of the two tits where the sides weren't quite so steep so it would be easier for him to climb up.

Although he still was having trouble, it seemed a bit easier for him but then I noticed the same two boys had followed him and were now bouncing at the top where Ash was trying to get up. I really started to get pissed off then. Were they bullying him?? Because he was little?? Chubby?? A halfie?? Ash was still failing miserably and as the two boys got so close to Ash that it was impossible for him to get up, I was a second away from telling them to go fuck off or I would release gaijin fury on them, when suddenly the smaller of the two boys gave me a quick glance and caught Ash's hand as he once again slid hopelessly to the bottom of the titties. I was a bit shocked, but thought I'd see what would happen when I heard the boy say "NOOOO jyanai yo! Dekiru yo!" (Don't say NO! You can do it!) And I was flabbergasted as the smaller boy took his hands and the bigger boy pushed his bum from behind and they helped him up to the top.

Thank fucking God I didn't tell them off.

I'd looked at these poor kids through suspicious gaijin eyes, I didn't even think that maybe they'd been plucking up the courage to help him. And I felt ashamed and realised that I've been living in Japan so long with people assuming I can't use chopsticks and staring at me and asking me if I'm a Russian hostess, that I'm way too defensive. I feel like when I came here I was a cute innocent porcupine and I'm still that porcupine, only I'm just waiting for someone to piss me off, my spikes ready and willing to jab anyone that has a go.

It was a good experience though, it made me realise that not everyone in the world is a cunt, and if I go through life thinking they are then I'm going to encounter way more of them along the way. Wow, who knew I could get an inspirational line in with the word cunt... Score!


  1. Kids are more moral than adults. What happened to us, eh?

  2. Well said. At first I was riding the porcupine spine with you, thinking, 'little fcks', and then felt ashamed..just like today, standing in line at the supermarket, another till opens, it should have been me me me first, but the till lady looks at a Japanese lady and signals to her, and I took it personally and abused some moyashi when I plonked them with attitude upon the counter, and then I felt immediately bad, like I had been such a kant for a second, because I always get a smile from the lady on the till, and she has to work, was doing her job and just because she didn't lock eyes with me, didn't mean it was because I was a gaijin, god, I felt terrible, not that she'd noticed my attitude, it was short-lived, a second, but a second I made up for it by being super smiley and thankful, and called myself a kant all the way home. p.s I love your updates. I come to your blog to trawl the links and when you update it's a nice surprise.

  3. We have those oppai mountains here too and they are funnnnn!
    Ash's encounter and your inspirational bit made me cry.
    Thank you.

  4. It's good to stand back and watch your kids rather than help them too much. It's character building for them and teaches them valuable life lessons :)

  5. Those two little kids were probably just messing with you, just for laughs 'cause they like pressing boobs...(ahem) buttons. Raising tits...dang, did it again. Raising tots can be a challenge. Fun post.

  6. I teach at elementary school about 30% of the time and I'm always impressed by how the kids help each other out. I know there's bullying, etc, but I see a lot more encouragement and peer teaching than I feel like would happen in America. They're usually really good to the special needs students too.

    I know how you feel about the defensiveness too..for some reason, this year in particular is when I've gotten hypersensitive and pissy about racism and sometimes I go overboard.

  7. Yep, it can turn into a bit of a complex. What do you expect though with all the staring and other rubbish? It's only natural really.

    Anyway nice story and there are adults here too that will give you the good old metaphorical bum push up the big tit.

  8. Yay for nice kids.
    I get a lot of kids who help with Sakura and play with her when we go out on the playground. I'm pretty impressed to be honest. I've never really had any of the racism that a lot of people have gotten here.. either that or I'm happily oblivious to it. Considering that by the time our kids are having kids a much larger percentage of people in this country will not be "pure" Japanese... its nice to hear stories like this!

  9. Too cute :) Absolutely adorbs and glad that those kids broke expectations -- I totally would have thought the same. Sounds like fun!

  10. Sara
    You think so? You think that in about 20 years time there will be more foreigners in Japan, to the degree that we're going to start blending in and being like a Chinese person in the UK, who is British in everybody eyes, and not tourist?
    I don't think so.
    If anything, this country is regressing, and upping the 'shima guni' ante.

    But it's nice to dream.
    In the 20 years I have been here, there has been no change. It's the same old teachers coming in, the same handful of professionals who stay due to meeting a Japanese chick, and then settle. But it's still just handfuls.

  11. Who knew you could inspiration from small children jumping on giant tits at a gambling den (OK racecourse, but den sounds better)? Beautiful.

  12. awww... what a cute story!!

    you're right though, it is so easy to assume that people are doing this-or-that because we are gaijin and having this automatic prickly exterior... but it's good to be able to let that down too...

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