Saturday 26 November 2011

At peace

With Japan.

 Or so I thought. Lately I've been so wrapped up in my own personal problems (do I need to re-cap: motherfucker of a husband, living in a close proximity to annoying in-laws, having a sister-in-law who molests small dogs, bun in the oven and at a loss what to do...) that I haven't really had time to be annoyed with Japan or Japanese people.

Yesterday though, I had a series of small instances that once again had me itching to take a flag of the rising sun and use the red circle as a target to take a big, steaming dump on it.

Yeah, put that in your imagery pipe and smoke it!

So it started off when I ventured out to the doctors for another fanny-cam. Lovely. I wore a skirt because I knew there may have been a fanny-cam involved. OK, that's a big lie, I wore a skirt because it's lighter when I do the weigh-in of shame in front of the nurses... But anyway, it's chilly, but not totally ridiculous to be wearing a skirt, plus it wasn't a slapper mini-skirt, it went down to my knees! But of course, the next door neighbour almost had a heart attack because god forbid I would go out in a skirt on a cold day. She accosted me as I mounted my bicycle, struggling to balance the bike and not flash her my minge, I gave a hearty "Ittekimasuuu!" like a good neighbour does, and was on my way, but she stopped me in my tracks, inquiring why I was wearing a skirt on such a cold day, and without boots! If she'd had a little notebook I swear she would have written me up. And do you know what else shits me, apart from the fact that my dressing habits are none of her fucking business? She's not even Japanese, she's Korean! She's just been in this country too damn long that she feels the need to make observations on how other people are inappropriately dressed for the weather.

My next incident, was at Costco. Fucking Costco, it shaves years off my life every time I go to that fucking place. In a nutshell, I bought a book, and they couldn't find the price tag for it, so instead, they just got another book, a Disney book that was clearly more expensive than the book I'd picked out and used the price tag from that the sneaky fuckers, so when I realised what they'd done I questioned the guy at the counter who palmed me off to another counter, who then took 20, yes 20 minutes to find the book I'd wanted only to tell me I had to join the fucking 20 minute line of people to re-purchase at proper price. It reminded me of customer service back home, I was so fired up that I fucking fainted on my shopping cart. I have low blood pressure as it is but when I'm pregnant and angry it almost definitely will lead to passing out. After a sweaty recovery, where NO FUCKER helped me, I was so fucked off that I just took the book and dealt with the fact that I'd been ripped off by pure incompetence. Now Costco is separate from Japan, but the fact that everybody ignored me when I clearly fainted, IS a Japan thing. Pregnant or not, if a person slumps over their shopping cart in my vicinity I'm going to try and help the poor bastard. But alas, this is Japan where not helping people is conveniently masked with the excuse of not wanting to embarrass them. Fucking cunts.

And finally, as I was cycling home, an old woman dithered and dallied and got in my fucking way, causing my bike tyre to fall in to a crack and make me skid. It wasn't that dangerous but I clenched my teeth and hissed "stupid fucking bitch!" as she did a small jog of a few steps to get out of the way. When it was too late. No sorry from her, just an icy glance as she realised I was cursing her in English. Is it that hard to just stay out of the angry, pregnant gaijin girl's way?!


  1. Chris, I am allergic to cats and a dog person, but sincerely, sorry about your cat. Loyal animals beat nearly all the humans in our lives.

    Chris and Corinne, Cotsco (and Softbank) blow hard. The place has no decent antiperspirant or condoms (like the rest of this country), and little decent foreign junk food. Anything they have I can get on the Internet. %$#@!

    Corinne, Japan as a society deserves the doom its birthrate in the toilet, and little immigration, consigns it to. I have helped more people take my seat on a train who needed it more, and even a few elderly I've seen stumble or faint in stations than all the other people I've seen do it, combined. WTF?

  2. You are so good at depicting the essence that is Japan. So very good.
    Especially the dithering old woman. They all dither though.
    A month or so ago, I was riding on the wrong side of the road - everybody does it down this road - and two jun. high kids coming my way, and I knew this would happen, started dithering and wobbling and being fcking lame asses, to the point that one kid just fell off her bike, right in front of me.
    Happened today, stupid fcking 60'ish woman on her bike, sees GAIJIN and has to dither, like wtf, I am not going to joust baskets with her, but her dithering was more dangerous than just sucking it up, acting like a big girl, and cycling past, like most grown-ups do elsewhere on the globe.
    A 60'ish friend of mine here, bitched about getting knocked down in Paris by a bike, and I was like, it's cos you probably fcking dithered.
    Oops, that was a long one. I love your posts, the rants really trigger me. ;)

  3. Looks like we're all out on the town tonight. ;)
    Party at Corrine's!
    Instead of ravers, we've become ranters.
    Shoot me now.

  4. Corinne: At peace with Japan? Maybe this is the season when the smarter people head off to warmer places where they can have real vacations where all that is required is laying on a beach for as many days as it takes to forget about whatever it was...just so they can get through the next year of living on the rock.

    But seriously, I think when this place tanks, there's bound to be a place for something really cool and creative to happen at ground zero. Which probably makes as much sense as running toward explosions.

    There have to be ways to live this place right without any soul-kill involved. My only suspicion is that to do so would require a lot of mischief, definitely regular doses of misbehavior, and a willingness to be labeled totally insane.


  5. You FAINTED and no one helped you? I appreciated idea of not embarrassing someone when I lived in Japan in terms of when I spilled something on myself, but FAINTING? That's fucked up.

    I hope you're feeling better! Go get a massage or something to pamper yourself and lower your stress. You're worth it.

  6. Re: Will's comment...I'd still take living in Japan - during a 'career' - over living somewhere in the West, as the better choice. Whilst the dithering might bring out my bad language, or frustration mount because there's no word for 'dream' in the Japanese language, they pretty much let you get on with it, allowing us to take the best of Japan without having to put up with the bullshit they so politely tolerate, so despite having to faint en solo, or learn how to always brace yourself for oncoming bicycles, it's a pretty good place to earn some dosh and live without the fear of having your bike pump swiped or big tits tasered. And then, if y'er lucky, or depending on whatever it is you want, you leave, like what I will do in a few months time, taking with me great memories of a bizarre and unique place that a lot of people would sell their glue-sniffing kid to experience.
    So hang in there, you made the right choice, for a career, at least, because they do make it easy for us, that's for sure.

    By the way, for those of you in Japan, and I know heaps of folks come to this blog, and for good reason, my job is up for grabs as of March, high school, great conditions, great kids, nice little apt for ichi-man a month, all the summer etc vacation time. Email me at if you are interested.

  7. This is all fucked up. Though that's hardly news.

    I know this isn't the 'advice' post, but anyway. My wife and I are in Japan largely because our joint earning capacity is greater here than it would be in the UK. I could earn a lot more back home, but my wife would earn a lot, lot less.

    Given your bloke is wanting to quit and 'let' you be the sole breadwinner, wouldn't you be able to earn more back in Oz? And at least folk there tend not to ignore people in obvious distress. Something for you/him to think about, at any rate.

    Of course if you went this blog would stop and my life would by slightly less interesting. But that's just me being self-absorbed and it sound like you have enough people like that in your life at the moment.

  8. the skirt story made me shake my head and laugh and go "ooooh, japan...."

    but the costco story made me really angry. first of all, like yeah, you see someone faint, help her out!! then the bad service stuff, i would've just complained... even back home it's their fault they they should own up to it and fix it.