I never dreamt I would start a business in Japan. Or actually anywhere for that matter! I always thought that people who started their own businesses were so motivated, so street-smart, so up for anything. So not me.
I like the worker-bee mentality in Japan, although I would definitely strive to be one of the slightly senior bees, I was quite happy to work for the man, punch in and out, get paid and live happily ever-after until I was 60.
Of course then I became a housewife and spent the most boring, unfulfilled year of my life stewing in my own unfulfilled, bitter juice. The thought that I could be a housewife/stay at home mother for any longer actually made me really anxious. So I was faced with the dilemma, go back to worker-bee mode but juggle kids and a house with it (much harder), or to start something of my own, on my terms. And thank God I did. Starting my own business has been one of the best experiences of my life. I can take pride in something I built, that I am almost solely responsible for, and something that even if it fails, means I had a good hard crack at least!
Now I've never started a business anywhere else, and I imagine some aspects are international, but doing business in Japan has really been a cultural eye-opener. And by eye-opener, I mean like when they do lasik surgery and clamp your eyes open and shoot lasers in there kinda eye-opening! There were so many aspects that side-swiped me, no matter how many business books I read or how much I planned, I just had to learn about it by doing it and making mistakes.
I got lots of advice when I started: "Work hard!" "Do your best!" "Speak Japanese!" "Don't speak Japanese!" and loads more that I just let wash over me because I was actually so clueless that my brain didn't know which compartment to file all the advice and just kind of blocked it out. But there was one piece of advice I got from a (Japanese) friend of mine who also ran her own business, and it was:
"Don't try to be too Japanese, you'll have a much better business if you act like a 'dumb' foreigner."
Now I had no idea what she meant at the time, and she said it in a really nice way so it wasn't at all offensive to me, and I've realised, after 3 years that this was possibly the best advice I got.
But now it brings the question of, why??
And all I have to do is turn the TV on to get my answer. The foreigners on Japanese TV aren't the ones fluent in Japanese language and culture, they're the 'stupid' ones who make mistakes and cultural blunders all over the place. Bobby, Laura, the girl on the washing powder advertisement, the guy in the McDonald's commercial a few years ago, they all have a 'dumb foreigner' character that they play, and play very well. But what is that doing for the vast majority of us who CAN speak Japanese, who CAN be culturally sensitive?
Not that I really care that much, I may get on my moral high horse but really I just want to run a successful business, so I find myself stressing less about my perfect telephone manner, about the whole other 'polite language' that is so crucial when speaking to a customer, and hey if making exclamations of amazement when being told that Japan has 4 seasons and the best rice means good business, then I can handle that!
I think the fact that dumbing myself down is a good business practice should somewhat annoy me more than it does, but at the end of the day I don't think I can change Japan, I can change my own life to make a success for my family, and that is the only thing that matters to me. Selfish? Yes. Can it be helped? No.
So I will continue to make mistakes, because it can only be good for me! (and it takes all that pressure off too!)
Saturday, 9 March 2013
Friday, 22 February 2013
Tedium
Do you ever go through those periods in your life where you're just willing for something exciting to happen?? It's kind of ridiculous but that's how I feel now, like I want a big event (good or bad, preferably good) to shake things up. I shouldn't feel like this, my life is actually pretty exciting in comparison to others: I live in Japan, the capital of weird shit, I have kids who are constantly surprising me, a troop of in-laws to keep me entertained, a fuckwit husband who annoys me on a daily basis, and my own business, which is always exciting in itself. But I don't know, I just can't shake the feeling of... boredom...? I don't even know what it is! I've been having lots of 'weird' feelings lately, like something morbid is going to happen but I can't quite put my finger on what it is... Bizarre.
I've also been looking for motivation to lose all this fucking baby weight I have (OK mostly I'm a fat-lazy-fucking cow weight rather than "baby" weight, but what are kids for if you can't blame them for the bad things in your life?!) and I'm such a bad person, I thought to myself the other day, 'Hmmm I need motivation to lose weight...'.... and then I thought, 'I know!!! I'll lose weight so I can have a steamy affair with a really hot guy!!' And I was actually serious! Again, bad person, but surely admitting it counts for something.
What else....? I've booked a trip for us to go to Tokyo/Disneyland next month, I've decided that there's no point having all this money if we can't enjoy it, we could save it for retirement but we may very well be dead by that time, I'd rather live well while I can than have a shitload of money while I'm bed-ridden... Again, so demonstrative of my mood lately- just kind of not giving a fuck! Maybe I'm depressed?? Although I'm generally happy most of the time, just...restless... Much like this post. Or it could be the sleep-deprivation. Fucking sleep is so underrated, I would kill for a full night's sleep, I may just kill one of the little boys who wakes me up hourly or more likely the big boy who sleeps so soundly while I wake up and want to tear my eyeballs out from sheer crazy tiredness.
Or it could be the fantasies I've been having lately about going back to Australia for a year so Ash can go to primary school there for a year before he starts Japanese primary school. I would LOVE to do that but it would mean giving up the school and I just don't think I can do it. We were talking about how Ash's English is so shit the other night and Ryota was like, "Well, maybe you should just teach in the mornings and then you can look after the kids at night..." Like that is the solution to all our problems. It pisses me off that despite my job bringing in way more money than his, that I should be the one to give it up, well I can understand it from an English-speaking point but fuck, this is my work I don't just want to give up what I've built! So I said that if I did that I'd rather just go the whole hog and give it up completely, go to Australia for a year and then be a good little housewife when we came back. NEVER going to happen, but it's always nice to think about different ways our life could go I guess.
Anyway, I have to wonder if I have some kind of psychic tendencies and this is a curse that something bad is going to happen to me, if it is at least I blogged it so I have proof!
I've also been looking for motivation to lose all this fucking baby weight I have (OK mostly I'm a fat-lazy-fucking cow weight rather than "baby" weight, but what are kids for if you can't blame them for the bad things in your life?!) and I'm such a bad person, I thought to myself the other day, 'Hmmm I need motivation to lose weight...'.... and then I thought, 'I know!!! I'll lose weight so I can have a steamy affair with a really hot guy!!' And I was actually serious! Again, bad person, but surely admitting it counts for something.
What else....? I've booked a trip for us to go to Tokyo/Disneyland next month, I've decided that there's no point having all this money if we can't enjoy it, we could save it for retirement but we may very well be dead by that time, I'd rather live well while I can than have a shitload of money while I'm bed-ridden... Again, so demonstrative of my mood lately- just kind of not giving a fuck! Maybe I'm depressed?? Although I'm generally happy most of the time, just...restless... Much like this post. Or it could be the sleep-deprivation. Fucking sleep is so underrated, I would kill for a full night's sleep, I may just kill one of the little boys who wakes me up hourly or more likely the big boy who sleeps so soundly while I wake up and want to tear my eyeballs out from sheer crazy tiredness.
Or it could be the fantasies I've been having lately about going back to Australia for a year so Ash can go to primary school there for a year before he starts Japanese primary school. I would LOVE to do that but it would mean giving up the school and I just don't think I can do it. We were talking about how Ash's English is so shit the other night and Ryota was like, "Well, maybe you should just teach in the mornings and then you can look after the kids at night..." Like that is the solution to all our problems. It pisses me off that despite my job bringing in way more money than his, that I should be the one to give it up, well I can understand it from an English-speaking point but fuck, this is my work I don't just want to give up what I've built! So I said that if I did that I'd rather just go the whole hog and give it up completely, go to Australia for a year and then be a good little housewife when we came back. NEVER going to happen, but it's always nice to think about different ways our life could go I guess.
Anyway, I have to wonder if I have some kind of psychic tendencies and this is a curse that something bad is going to happen to me, if it is at least I blogged it so I have proof!
Thursday, 7 February 2013
Hate
Hate is a tricky word to use, I teach kids to use the word talking about fucking capsicum or mushrooms, but when you actually have to use it with all it's power, it gets hard. There are things that you can say and never take back.
I know I've said them, witnessed people say them, and had them say them to me. You forgive them but it's like your brain has a cheapo eraser, you can never quite get the faint pencil lines of what was said to disappear. If I had to pick my top few that have stuck in my mind, it would be my Dad screaming at my mum, calling her a cunt (among every other name) and then telling her not use me as her "fucking little lackey" after she told him to lower his voice because I could hear. I didn't really know what it meant at the time, but it stung, and I'll never forget it.
Another is Ryota when he said to me: "You're a bad mother" Doesn't pack quite the same punch as "cunt" but to a mother who actually gives a fuck, it really is the worst insult. I'll NEVER ever forget him saying that, and probably never forgive him totally either.
And finally there would be Ryota's sister, I can't actually remember her exact words but when she started going off at me because she said I 'mouth-off' too much, (about Kimutaku remember!) that event will also never be totally gone either. No matter how close we get, I'll always be wary.
And I realised I'll never totally trust any of these people, who will have totally forgotten what they said, and will probably never know the effect they've had. It was also then that I realised these 3 very different people in my life have something in common, they are all quite difficult to hate.
On separate occasions I've hated all of them, but then they do something redeeming, sweet, thoughtful... And it's like the hate game goes into over-time and I'm not done with them, i can't totally obliterate them from my life. Maybe I'm attracted to these types?? Daddy issues?? Who fucking knows, just something to ponder I guess.
Classic example was last night, after the last post, the money thing with SIL was still bugging me and I was on the edge of enrolling Bailey in kindy starting from this April, when last night SIL saw how tired I was and that Bailey wasn't sleeping for me, and she offered to take him and play with him until he fell asleep so I could get some rest. What the fuck?! Maybe she felt guilty about the money too??? For a sleep deprived mother whose husband has a broken finger (another story...) and can't help you, this is literally the best thing that anyone could do. And I realised if she would do things like that for me then I'm a cunt for caring about a few extra thousand yen!
Is it just me who has these kinds of people around them, so God damn hard to hate, it makes me hate them even more!!
I know I've said them, witnessed people say them, and had them say them to me. You forgive them but it's like your brain has a cheapo eraser, you can never quite get the faint pencil lines of what was said to disappear. If I had to pick my top few that have stuck in my mind, it would be my Dad screaming at my mum, calling her a cunt (among every other name) and then telling her not use me as her "fucking little lackey" after she told him to lower his voice because I could hear. I didn't really know what it meant at the time, but it stung, and I'll never forget it.
Another is Ryota when he said to me: "You're a bad mother" Doesn't pack quite the same punch as "cunt" but to a mother who actually gives a fuck, it really is the worst insult. I'll NEVER ever forget him saying that, and probably never forgive him totally either.
And finally there would be Ryota's sister, I can't actually remember her exact words but when she started going off at me because she said I 'mouth-off' too much, (about Kimutaku remember!) that event will also never be totally gone either. No matter how close we get, I'll always be wary.
And I realised I'll never totally trust any of these people, who will have totally forgotten what they said, and will probably never know the effect they've had. It was also then that I realised these 3 very different people in my life have something in common, they are all quite difficult to hate.
On separate occasions I've hated all of them, but then they do something redeeming, sweet, thoughtful... And it's like the hate game goes into over-time and I'm not done with them, i can't totally obliterate them from my life. Maybe I'm attracted to these types?? Daddy issues?? Who fucking knows, just something to ponder I guess.
Classic example was last night, after the last post, the money thing with SIL was still bugging me and I was on the edge of enrolling Bailey in kindy starting from this April, when last night SIL saw how tired I was and that Bailey wasn't sleeping for me, and she offered to take him and play with him until he fell asleep so I could get some rest. What the fuck?! Maybe she felt guilty about the money too??? For a sleep deprived mother whose husband has a broken finger (another story...) and can't help you, this is literally the best thing that anyone could do. And I realised if she would do things like that for me then I'm a cunt for caring about a few extra thousand yen!
Is it just me who has these kinds of people around them, so God damn hard to hate, it makes me hate them even more!!
Saturday, 2 February 2013
Money Money Money!
Horrible stuff. Damn shame I enjoy spending it so much actually.
I have a thing with money... I HATE tightarses, it's the one (and only?!) thing that Ryota is my dream man with. He's not tight, he doesn't gamble and he lets me handle our money. Just the way I like it. I think it's because my Grandad was an absolute tight cunt with money, it made me actually call him a cunt once, like to his face, an old man!! That's another story though... Point is, I hate people who are tight with money, that said, I'm not a waster either and I just hate any situation that gets awkward when it comes to money I guess.
My family are great with money, we'd all give it to each other in a second and there's no weirdness, if we need it we ask, if we can give it, we do. Pretty simple. Or so I thought...
But no, not in Japan!
So here's the story, can't remember if I've written it here or not, but while I'm working, Ryota's sister, formerly known as 'dog-fucker' and currently just known as 'fucker', is looking after Bailey for me. It's a big help, but I pay for that shit, so for me it just evens out, I don't feel the need to lick any arseholes for the favour and I like it that way. So the arrangement was: Any lesson that I worked when Ryota wasn't around to look after him, I would pay her ￥1000 a lesson. Which isn't minimum wage, and isn't a fortune, but pretty damn reasonable for a job you can do in your pyjamas I thought. Now the fact that Bailey sleeps a lot in the day (and hardly at all at night!) is irrelevant, it does piss me off however. Now the school is open from 9am-8pm but I don't work all those hours, which is why we made our arrangement by the lesson. Ryota leaves at 8am and gets home at 6pm, so to me I thought that I would be paying her for any lesson that I worked between 9am-6pm. And it was working well I thought! It was an average of ￥90,000 a month for her, not bad right!? More than I would be paying even for private childcare but I have Bailey with me when I'm not working and I can still breastfeed him, which I wouldn't have been able to do otherwise.
Today I gave her ￥15,000 for the week because Tuesday was a day off and I'd taken Ash out for his birthday. Now I'm not sure if there was some confusion if I was supposed to pay for that day too but mother-in-law was all, "Oh I think you've made a mistake Corinne!" And it got kind of awkward because although they'd taken Bailey for the day for me so I could have some one-on-one time with Ash for his birthday, I thought that was a favour... And I was like... "Ohh but I didn't work on Tuesday..." and just kind of trailed off, I really need more balls but I'm quite Japanese in this kind of situation. But I think they genuinely forgot about it so it was fine, but after a few hushed whispers later, mother-in-law said: "Are you going to pay for the lessons from 6pm-7pm because Ryota is never here...??"
Fuck off.
Sorry, but it kind of annoyed me, firstly, fucker didn't say it to my face, had to run to mummy to say it for her, and honestly, I'd rather pay a professional to watch my kid without the side of guilt!! So I payed it, because it's true, Ryota gets home at 6 and could technically watch Bailey but he usually goes running has a shower, which I don't begrudge him, but when it cost me ￥1000...? Maybe I'm really being petty but as I understood it, that extra hour would be a favour to Ryota and really nothing to do with me, but apparently not. So Ryota said to fucker "Don't be a cunt, say it to her face, don't be an idiot and get Mum to say it!" And she went all red and said "Ahh ohh yeah OK..."
Now it pissed me off to the point that I'd actually like to just put him into daycare now but if I do that's going to rock the fucking Japanese poker face cunting family boat and I'd never live it down so I think I just have to suck it up and pay my extra ￥20,000 a month with a fake smile on my face.
Oh and before anyone tells me what a bitch I'm being because it's not her responsibility or duty to look after my kids, I know, that's why I'm paying. And if anyone thinks I'm holding her back with her family obligations don't even go there because if you knew her you'd realise that this is the ONLY "job" she's ever had and if she had any prospects of wanting to get a real life I'd have him in day care in a second. Actually, strike that, feel free to call me a bitch, maybe my sense of reality is skewed... All opinions on the topic welcome anyway!
One thing I've definitely realised, money and this fucking family definitely don't mix!
I have a thing with money... I HATE tightarses, it's the one (and only?!) thing that Ryota is my dream man with. He's not tight, he doesn't gamble and he lets me handle our money. Just the way I like it. I think it's because my Grandad was an absolute tight cunt with money, it made me actually call him a cunt once, like to his face, an old man!! That's another story though... Point is, I hate people who are tight with money, that said, I'm not a waster either and I just hate any situation that gets awkward when it comes to money I guess.
My family are great with money, we'd all give it to each other in a second and there's no weirdness, if we need it we ask, if we can give it, we do. Pretty simple. Or so I thought...
But no, not in Japan!
So here's the story, can't remember if I've written it here or not, but while I'm working, Ryota's sister, formerly known as 'dog-fucker' and currently just known as 'fucker', is looking after Bailey for me. It's a big help, but I pay for that shit, so for me it just evens out, I don't feel the need to lick any arseholes for the favour and I like it that way. So the arrangement was: Any lesson that I worked when Ryota wasn't around to look after him, I would pay her ￥1000 a lesson. Which isn't minimum wage, and isn't a fortune, but pretty damn reasonable for a job you can do in your pyjamas I thought. Now the fact that Bailey sleeps a lot in the day (and hardly at all at night!) is irrelevant, it does piss me off however. Now the school is open from 9am-8pm but I don't work all those hours, which is why we made our arrangement by the lesson. Ryota leaves at 8am and gets home at 6pm, so to me I thought that I would be paying her for any lesson that I worked between 9am-6pm. And it was working well I thought! It was an average of ￥90,000 a month for her, not bad right!? More than I would be paying even for private childcare but I have Bailey with me when I'm not working and I can still breastfeed him, which I wouldn't have been able to do otherwise.
Today I gave her ￥15,000 for the week because Tuesday was a day off and I'd taken Ash out for his birthday. Now I'm not sure if there was some confusion if I was supposed to pay for that day too but mother-in-law was all, "Oh I think you've made a mistake Corinne!" And it got kind of awkward because although they'd taken Bailey for the day for me so I could have some one-on-one time with Ash for his birthday, I thought that was a favour... And I was like... "Ohh but I didn't work on Tuesday..." and just kind of trailed off, I really need more balls but I'm quite Japanese in this kind of situation. But I think they genuinely forgot about it so it was fine, but after a few hushed whispers later, mother-in-law said: "Are you going to pay for the lessons from 6pm-7pm because Ryota is never here...??"
Fuck off.
Sorry, but it kind of annoyed me, firstly, fucker didn't say it to my face, had to run to mummy to say it for her, and honestly, I'd rather pay a professional to watch my kid without the side of guilt!! So I payed it, because it's true, Ryota gets home at 6 and could technically watch Bailey but he usually goes running has a shower, which I don't begrudge him, but when it cost me ￥1000...? Maybe I'm really being petty but as I understood it, that extra hour would be a favour to Ryota and really nothing to do with me, but apparently not. So Ryota said to fucker "Don't be a cunt, say it to her face, don't be an idiot and get Mum to say it!" And she went all red and said "Ahh ohh yeah OK..."
Now it pissed me off to the point that I'd actually like to just put him into daycare now but if I do that's going to rock the fucking Japanese poker face cunting family boat and I'd never live it down so I think I just have to suck it up and pay my extra ￥20,000 a month with a fake smile on my face.
Oh and before anyone tells me what a bitch I'm being because it's not her responsibility or duty to look after my kids, I know, that's why I'm paying. And if anyone thinks I'm holding her back with her family obligations don't even go there because if you knew her you'd realise that this is the ONLY "job" she's ever had and if she had any prospects of wanting to get a real life I'd have him in day care in a second. Actually, strike that, feel free to call me a bitch, maybe my sense of reality is skewed... All opinions on the topic welcome anyway!
One thing I've definitely realised, money and this fucking family definitely don't mix!
Saturday, 26 January 2013
Men and MIL
I'm currently watching every episode of the HBO series 'Six feet under'. If you didn't watch it I suggest you do, I don't like TV that much but I loved Six feet under. I love the characters, the weirdness, the thought-provoking shit, the creepiness and the rawness. It's a little dangerous though, watching it makes me kind of not give a fuck about things, which is even more dangerous somewhere like Japan where randomness and not giving a fuck-ness can see you branded a weirdo for life. Meh, I'll never fit in anyway I guess!
But this post isn't about me going mental and doing random shit, it's about my poor MIL. My mother-in-law is the one person out of my in-laws who I can not only tolerate, but love very much and depend on a great deal. She's awesome in so many ways and it really makes me sad that she's been with so many cuntish men in her life, but then again from what I can tell most men are cunts at some point in their lives (whether they admit to it or not) so her chances were pretty high.
Let's re-cap her man list:
Ryota's dad- Nice enough but slut of the century and general arse when he wants to be
Mr R- Ripped her off of a massive amount of money then dumped her.
Mr S- Was married and flat out told her they could be lovers but he would never be able to leave his wife because she'd clean him out.
And then we have Mr N. The most recent boyfriend and generally a nice guy, but he's depressed and got so many mental issues going on it was just doomed from the beginning.
So they met about 5 years ago and were dating for about 2 years, he lives about 3 hours from us so they were doing semi-long distance because his elderly father lived with him and we have Grandma with us. When I married Ryota they were still dating and he actually gave me a pretty massive cash present to get the school started (he's pretty loaded, not that that takes away the kindness of the gesture at all, just sayin'...). He seems completely normal to the untrained eye, but actually he was very jealous and weird about travelling. He doesn't like travelling and he didn't want MIL to go anywhere overseas, he wanted her to go with him on trips around Japan. Why I'm not sure but that's just the way it was.
So after he gave me a wad of cash they pretty much split up straight away, because he was going through depression and didn't want to burden anyone and cut off all contact. But MIL rarely saw him anyway and to be honest I think she was kind of glad. Fast-forward 3 years and I was literally in the middle of giving birth to Bailey, when I asked her for some gossip to take my mind of the pain and she comes out with, "Well actually, I think N and I are getting back together... and getting married.." This was a total fucking shock because I hadn't heard his name for so long but apparently they had been talking and he was on depression meds so he was normal.
So after Bailey was born he started coming around again, helped out at the school's Halloween party and would stay some weekends. Obviously MIL knew he wasn't totally right in the head but she told me she was worried about growing old alone and more importantly, poor. Not so romantic but I can't blame her, which is why I'm already squirrelling away my own personal (secret) retirement fund in case some fucker of a man wants to fuck me over and leave me out in the cold.
Anyway, things were going well for them, and then I went to Australia for Chrissy and MIL and SIL decide to go to Hawaii for 5 days. Totally reasonable I think, mother and daughter going to Hawaii for a few days. She asked her boyfriend is it was OK which I thought was fucking ridiculous in itself but she's quite polite and his response was a kind of deadpan "OK."
So MIL was at the airport and he sent her an email saying "You're going to do whatever you want with your life, so I hope you're happy..." What the fuck is with men and their fucking mental issues fucking up everything around them!? It makes me so fucking angry!! But my MIL is awesome, so she turned off her phone and hopped on the plane. Thank God too, I would have lost so much respect for her had she not gone because of him.
So he didn't call her and was really cold when she got back and she kind of saw how mental he actually is, which is so good because had she married him it would have been too late. Although they were supposed to get married on her birthday in March and they had rings and everything. SIL and have decided to take her to Kobe for an over-priced yet amazing lunch and shopping day for her birthday, because no matter how mental the guy is, you're bound to be a bit down on the day that was supposed to be your wedding day.
Men just fucking piss me off sometimes, they are giving me very little reason to see why we need them. So many useless fuckers out there, just give me the sperm and get me out, please!
But this post isn't about me going mental and doing random shit, it's about my poor MIL. My mother-in-law is the one person out of my in-laws who I can not only tolerate, but love very much and depend on a great deal. She's awesome in so many ways and it really makes me sad that she's been with so many cuntish men in her life, but then again from what I can tell most men are cunts at some point in their lives (whether they admit to it or not) so her chances were pretty high.
Let's re-cap her man list:
Ryota's dad- Nice enough but slut of the century and general arse when he wants to be
Mr R- Ripped her off of a massive amount of money then dumped her.
Mr S- Was married and flat out told her they could be lovers but he would never be able to leave his wife because she'd clean him out.
And then we have Mr N. The most recent boyfriend and generally a nice guy, but he's depressed and got so many mental issues going on it was just doomed from the beginning.
So they met about 5 years ago and were dating for about 2 years, he lives about 3 hours from us so they were doing semi-long distance because his elderly father lived with him and we have Grandma with us. When I married Ryota they were still dating and he actually gave me a pretty massive cash present to get the school started (he's pretty loaded, not that that takes away the kindness of the gesture at all, just sayin'...). He seems completely normal to the untrained eye, but actually he was very jealous and weird about travelling. He doesn't like travelling and he didn't want MIL to go anywhere overseas, he wanted her to go with him on trips around Japan. Why I'm not sure but that's just the way it was.
So after he gave me a wad of cash they pretty much split up straight away, because he was going through depression and didn't want to burden anyone and cut off all contact. But MIL rarely saw him anyway and to be honest I think she was kind of glad. Fast-forward 3 years and I was literally in the middle of giving birth to Bailey, when I asked her for some gossip to take my mind of the pain and she comes out with, "Well actually, I think N and I are getting back together... and getting married.." This was a total fucking shock because I hadn't heard his name for so long but apparently they had been talking and he was on depression meds so he was normal.
So after Bailey was born he started coming around again, helped out at the school's Halloween party and would stay some weekends. Obviously MIL knew he wasn't totally right in the head but she told me she was worried about growing old alone and more importantly, poor. Not so romantic but I can't blame her, which is why I'm already squirrelling away my own personal (secret) retirement fund in case some fucker of a man wants to fuck me over and leave me out in the cold.
Anyway, things were going well for them, and then I went to Australia for Chrissy and MIL and SIL decide to go to Hawaii for 5 days. Totally reasonable I think, mother and daughter going to Hawaii for a few days. She asked her boyfriend is it was OK which I thought was fucking ridiculous in itself but she's quite polite and his response was a kind of deadpan "OK."
So MIL was at the airport and he sent her an email saying "You're going to do whatever you want with your life, so I hope you're happy..." What the fuck is with men and their fucking mental issues fucking up everything around them!? It makes me so fucking angry!! But my MIL is awesome, so she turned off her phone and hopped on the plane. Thank God too, I would have lost so much respect for her had she not gone because of him.
So he didn't call her and was really cold when she got back and she kind of saw how mental he actually is, which is so good because had she married him it would have been too late. Although they were supposed to get married on her birthday in March and they had rings and everything. SIL and have decided to take her to Kobe for an over-priced yet amazing lunch and shopping day for her birthday, because no matter how mental the guy is, you're bound to be a bit down on the day that was supposed to be your wedding day.
Men just fucking piss me off sometimes, they are giving me very little reason to see why we need them. So many useless fuckers out there, just give me the sperm and get me out, please!
Friday, 25 January 2013
Veiled
Do you ever get the feeling that every fucker in this place has something to hide??
It could be good or bad but I don't think I've ever met a Japanese person who I've made an opinion (OK judgement, let's be realistic) on and then not to have it totally fucking change in one way or another. I don't even know if this is a good thing or a bad thing, but it's just tiring at times!
I keep finding little things out about people that I just had no idea because they were hiding it for some reason. The reasons are many and varied too, embarrassed, ashamed, humble, "polite." They go on and on.
Or nothing is talked about openly?? My MIL has broken up with her boyfriend (who she's supposed to be marrying in March) because she went to Hawaii. Not because she went without him, just because she went. Fucking crazy cunt, she's dodged a bullet by breaking up with him in my opinion, but she hasn't discussed this openly with anyone in her family apart from me (because apparently gaijin are easy to talk to?? but I suspect more because I ask lots of fucking nosey questions...). All her family are relying on me for the goss because nobody wants to bring it up with her...? Craziness!!
Maybe gaijin really are easier for Japanese peeps to open up to, I had a lady in tears the other day because I told her we should strictly try to stay to talking in English if she wants to improve and she spilled her guts that she can't tell anyone else her secrets so she tells me and doesn't really care if she can speak English, she just wants to get it off her chest... I gotta start charging more, like psychiatrist fees more!
Right, back to work!
It could be good or bad but I don't think I've ever met a Japanese person who I've made an opinion (OK judgement, let's be realistic) on and then not to have it totally fucking change in one way or another. I don't even know if this is a good thing or a bad thing, but it's just tiring at times!
I keep finding little things out about people that I just had no idea because they were hiding it for some reason. The reasons are many and varied too, embarrassed, ashamed, humble, "polite." They go on and on.
Or nothing is talked about openly?? My MIL has broken up with her boyfriend (who she's supposed to be marrying in March) because she went to Hawaii. Not because she went without him, just because she went. Fucking crazy cunt, she's dodged a bullet by breaking up with him in my opinion, but she hasn't discussed this openly with anyone in her family apart from me (because apparently gaijin are easy to talk to?? but I suspect more because I ask lots of fucking nosey questions...). All her family are relying on me for the goss because nobody wants to bring it up with her...? Craziness!!
Maybe gaijin really are easier for Japanese peeps to open up to, I had a lady in tears the other day because I told her we should strictly try to stay to talking in English if she wants to improve and she spilled her guts that she can't tell anyone else her secrets so she tells me and doesn't really care if she can speak English, she just wants to get it off her chest... I gotta start charging more, like psychiatrist fees more!
Right, back to work!
Saturday, 19 January 2013
Fatting in
I once had a hilarious conversation with one of my very good friends at home, it was before I was getting a tattoo and I was (as usual) going through all the irrational fears I prattle on with when I'm nervous...
Her: Don't worry, you'll be fine!!
Me: What if the needle goes in too far and pierces an organ!!??
Her: Seriously Corinne, never gunna happen!
Me: What if I get some kind of virus from a contaminated needle!?
Her: They are VERY clean, I had all my tattoos there remember??
Me: OK, but what if I don't fit on that skinny little bench, my arse is huge!!!
Her: Ummm I fat on it, you'll be fine!
The laughter helped me relax, it was awesome.
On only a slightly related note, by going home for Christmas, I've managed to feel even more like a fish out of water than ever, woohoo!!!
I didn't fit in at home, actually I fat right in, I didn't feel too bad about being so hideously fat with all the other chubbiness around me, but I didn't feel as if I was "home." Well, not entirely true, when it came to my family and friends, totally at home. But I was doing insane things like exclaiming how big my friend's baby's eyes were, craving rice, tut tutting at couples kissing in public, and not enjoying waking up whenever I wanted only to laze around the pool all day. I was yearning for a routine, a schedule!? I've turned fucking Japanese!!!
Which would be fine, except that I don't fucking fit in enough in Japan either. I never will, accepted it. Over it. But where does that leave me?? Would I get used to life at home if I went back?? Or would I always want to come back to Japan?? It was all quite confusing but I was quite happy to get back to my routine, and the customer service in Japan. Not so much to the freezing cold weather and realisation that no matter how long I stay here, I'll never be totally at home here either.
Too much life changing thinking going on for a Saturday morning though, must get back to working, which is going towards my goal of being totally debt-free by 2015. I can do it, I just have to work my arse off and not bitch and moan too much and I'll have my school, my house and any other stray loans paid off. I would have loved to have done it before I was 30, but with that horror lurking this year I just have to face that it will be 2015, my original goal was to have bought a property by 30 anyway so I got that far.
Other new year resolutions this year??
*Don't get pregnant!
*Lose 25kg
*Chill the fuck out a bit
*Under no circumstances get fucking pregnant!!
*Climb mount Fuji, I've lived here 8 years, it has to be done.
*Turn 30 with grace and dignity. (HA! Not going to happen, drunken messy grace, possibly...)
Her: Don't worry, you'll be fine!!
Me: What if the needle goes in too far and pierces an organ!!??
Her: Seriously Corinne, never gunna happen!
Me: What if I get some kind of virus from a contaminated needle!?
Her: They are VERY clean, I had all my tattoos there remember??
Me: OK, but what if I don't fit on that skinny little bench, my arse is huge!!!
Her: Ummm I fat on it, you'll be fine!
The laughter helped me relax, it was awesome.
On only a slightly related note, by going home for Christmas, I've managed to feel even more like a fish out of water than ever, woohoo!!!
I didn't fit in at home, actually I fat right in, I didn't feel too bad about being so hideously fat with all the other chubbiness around me, but I didn't feel as if I was "home." Well, not entirely true, when it came to my family and friends, totally at home. But I was doing insane things like exclaiming how big my friend's baby's eyes were, craving rice, tut tutting at couples kissing in public, and not enjoying waking up whenever I wanted only to laze around the pool all day. I was yearning for a routine, a schedule!? I've turned fucking Japanese!!!
Which would be fine, except that I don't fucking fit in enough in Japan either. I never will, accepted it. Over it. But where does that leave me?? Would I get used to life at home if I went back?? Or would I always want to come back to Japan?? It was all quite confusing but I was quite happy to get back to my routine, and the customer service in Japan. Not so much to the freezing cold weather and realisation that no matter how long I stay here, I'll never be totally at home here either.
Too much life changing thinking going on for a Saturday morning though, must get back to working, which is going towards my goal of being totally debt-free by 2015. I can do it, I just have to work my arse off and not bitch and moan too much and I'll have my school, my house and any other stray loans paid off. I would have loved to have done it before I was 30, but with that horror lurking this year I just have to face that it will be 2015, my original goal was to have bought a property by 30 anyway so I got that far.
Other new year resolutions this year??
*Don't get pregnant!
*Lose 25kg
*Chill the fuck out a bit
*Under no circumstances get fucking pregnant!!
*Climb mount Fuji, I've lived here 8 years, it has to be done.
*Turn 30 with grace and dignity. (HA! Not going to happen, drunken messy grace, possibly...)
Subscribe to:
Posts (Atom)