Sunday 7 November 2010

err... Thanks? Honey...

Mornings are way too cold and early for my liking these days, Ryota sets his alarm the same time as mine but I'm one of those people who set it early and allow for that luxurious, glorious, warm and fuzzy extra blissful 15 or 20 minutes of 'stolen' time in bed. I HATE getting up just as the alarm goes off, for a few reasons, the main one being that I'm hardly capable of opening both eyes at the same time when I wake up, let alone carry on a cohesive conversation. So recently, as the alarm goes off with it's chirpy annoyingness, Ryota will spring out of bed to go downstairs and get his nicotine and caffeine hit while Ash and I move from wherever we may be on our futons to assume the 'big spoon-little spoon' position and cuddle and kiss for the next 15 minutes. I've trained Ash way too well though, at 1 year old the kid can hit my snooze button with his eyes closed and still spooning. Quite impressive but may be dangerous if I let it go on and end up late for something...

So the other morning I stumbled down the stairs, bleary-eyed and hair a mess, clutching an equally as bleary-eyed, messy hair-ed son and got a bit of a shock when I opened the door to the lounge room. Usually, Ryota will be there watching the morning news, or watching surfing clips or munching on toast, you know, the usual stuff. But this morning, he was watching..... Japanese girls demonstrating how to do make-up on You Tube!?

As I saw him, entranced in the clip, flashes of fear and impulsiveness ran through my mind- Does he want to bang a cutesy J-girl?? Is he a closet transvestite?? Is he having gaijin regret and looking for a girl who spends 4 hours puttying her face on in the morning?? What does this mean?? Did he actually put in 'J-girl putting on make-up' into a search engine??

But then I came back to reality and realised that the only way to find the answers to these question, was to ask! Which is what I did:

Me: おい!何してんねん?? (Kansai language for "Oi, what the fuck are you up to??")
Ryota: (Clearing his throat) Ahhh... Huh? Oh um I was just watching these girls on You Tube...
Me: And...
Ryota: It's amazing! Look how much they change, she's so ugly at the start of the video, look! Look how ugly she is!!! Then at the end she looks like this!!!

I must admit, it was pretty amazing, she was a minger at the start of the video and by the end she was a big-eyed J-girl who seemed like her only mission on earth was to drive men crazy with her sleek, exotic looks. Even I was pretty impressed that make-up could make that much difference, but I reminded Ryota that I too rely on make-up to make me look presentable in the mornings, the transformations that go on with my face are incredible; I go from sleepy ugly, to red-faced ugly, (after running) to slightly acceptable with a few sweeps of a sponge and brush. Amazing.
This is where Ryota's innocent sweetness came in, he said, quite genuinely, "Yeah but you don't change that much! You're always pretty, make-up or not!" He wasn't even fishing for brownie points or trying to score a shag either! I thanked him for the compliment and was so giddy with delight that I started humming the Katy Perry song "Teenage dream" where she says "You think I'm pretty, without any make-up on" and clean forgot to ask him why he was looking at ugly J-girls transform themselves into goddesses in the first place!

Oh well, don't think I'll delve any further, just take the compliment and run!

Diet update- 4kgs down and 5cm belly fat gone, I won't need make-up soon, my smokin' hot body will be far too distracting!


  1. What a funny thing to be watching with morning coffee, must try it some time (sounds confidence boosting too)! I think everyone has heard the tale of the western man who takes a Japanese girl home and the next morning can't recongnize her without make-up/butt padding/push-up bra. Just sayin'...

  2. So where's the link to the video?

    I've got a couple of Australian friends who put a lot of time and effort into their makeup and, to be honest, neither of them look like much without it. I guess if you need to, you develop the makeup skills but us natural beauties can go without :)

  3. a friend of mine posted that video on mixi, so maybe it's going around? i started to watch it but it's a two part 30 minute ordeal! oddly enough, i couldn't stop watching until about 15 minutes into it when i just fast forwarded to the end. i can't imagine looking totally different after 30 of primping and then have to keep up the routine so no one sees (gasp!) what i really look like! i can't be bothered! haha...but the transformation is lretty impressive.

  4. funny...sometimes I can't figure men out....

  5. Excellent. And bloody excellent on the weight loss. Almost inspired me to tip the rest of my beer down the sink but not quite.

  6. I've always been astoundeed by how big J-girls's eyes always seem to look. Amazing what makeup does to change one's appearance...sometimes scary how much it changes!
    @green eyed geisha: I lol'd. Probably true sometimes though, eh?
    Wow, amazing progress with the weight loss! Nice going!


  7. So in other words he dodged a bullet? Congrats on the loss of weight too!

  8. I KNOW. Post the link, woman!

  9. omg!!! Hilarious!!!! Ryota is just adorable. Cant wait to see you all soon. I brought you some irn bru but then they told me I couldnt bring it into Japan so i had to drink it. But Ill buy you a different present instead :D

    On a side note, I need some of those drugs. How did you find your drug doctor? Is there one in Osaka? Who will prescribe some to other gaijin?