Monday 7 March 2011

MIL's birthday...

Was pretty uneventful, surprisingly. Dog-fucker SIL and I have been very civil to each other of late, mainly because I need her to pick Ash up for me when I'm busy, but still, peaceful life is happy life and all that hot heart nonsense.

So when she approached me about organising a surprise party for MIL I said, "Sure, I'd love to help, just no public sexual displays with the dog, OK cunt face!?" OK, the first half of that anyway. I was dubious, as this involved us driving to Costco together on Friday, which is only about a 25 minute drive, but still. Confined space+ absolute twat such as SIL can have disastrous results. We basically said we'd split the cooking, and then MIL's sister would bring a cake. I made meat pies, Caesar salad and sausage rolls (just to piss off all members of the family who only eat Japanese food) and some coconut cookies. SIL made the usual Japanese crap plus a cheesecake that crumbled as she took it out of the pan (I had to giggle, just a bit, we have history after all.)

And amazingly, dog-fucker and I were able to pull the whole thing off without a) MIL finding out and b) Killing each other. Of course she did piss me off at various points of the operation. Random racism popped up in Costco, we were looking at prawns to make ebi-fry and I saw some big plump looking ones I thought might be good to use but she crinkled her nose and said "Look where they're from though!" As soon as I saw 'Vietnam prawns' written on the package I knew why she was against them, and she confirmed my suspicions by saying in a not-so-hushed voice, "They probably stink if they're not from Japan!" Fuck. Tard.

In other random racism, I never actually got around to writing about my football announcer debut here, but it went really well! I fucked up in rehearsal and thought I would for sure during the actual match but by some miracle I think I got through blooper free. There was, however a fuck-up made (nothing to do with me, phew!) when a pretty loud noise echoed around the stadium during the game. We all looked around at each other when we heard it and knew the boss would be fuming, we all ended up with eyes on the sound technician, who stammered "Errr, ummm, I think it was the Indonesian supporters, they must have brought some drum or something....!" Ummmm, racism blame shift much?! I snorted at his attempt to cover the fact he had no idea what sound had just deafened half the fans but I think it went unnoticed. The Japanese DJ I was working with was also horribly biased towards the Japanese team, whenever they got a goal he would bellow "GOOOOOOAAAAAALLLLLL!!!!!" in a super excited voice on the loud speaker, but when Indonesia scored, he did a mono-tone, "Goal for Indonesia..." I tried to make up for the poor Indonesian fans by putting on a genki voice when they scored, despite the Japanese team being the team I support, there were only about 50 of the poor bastards compared to the 10,000 Japanese fans after all.

MIL was very happy to be spoilt for her birthday, so I was glad dog-fucker and I could work together, although once a year is quite enough bonding for me I think.

On a totally unrelated, bizarre topic, I was thinking of writing a story from my past here but I don't know if I have the balls to write it. It's a disgraceful act that occurred in the days I was pretty much an alcoholic and my world was one fuzzy, hung over blur. If you'd like to read it with all it's sordid details, leave a comment, if I get enough, I'll man the fuck up and write it.


  1. The prawn thing, I'm not so sure; my MIL is Indonesian and she stopped Flo mid-forkfull when she saw on the menu that they were from Indonesia. She then regaled us with stories about how they farm them. Never touched a big fat prawn since.

  2. Hello Corinne

    Please do write about alcoholic stupors and related activities. It'll make me feel better for all that I got up to some 45 years ago. I keep on hoping that people I remember through the blur are very forgetful or, dead.

    Margaret M

  3. Yes for disgraceful story!

    And OMG I want sausage rolls now.

  4. aussie gal in tokes7 March 2011 at 18:38

    I don't think it's racist to watch where your food comes from. Especially if things come from indonesia or vietnam or thailand I don't buy it. A friend of ours ate banana's from thailand and died because basically they were grown in human waste and he caught something from the bacteria. I am so wary of those countries products and much prefer to stick to Japan/Aus/USA made because I pretty much know they're going to be safe.

  5. Definitely would love to read your story, if only to make me feel better about my own sordid past ;)

  6. I think it's story time Corinne....oh and can you regale us with the story of why SIL is dog-fucker again? I know she's keen on the dogs, but I feel like there was an event that sparked this nickname, but I can't remember what.

  7. Story, story, story!
    Sister B.

  8. Yeah but in dog-fucker's case she probably said it because she's racist, not because of food politics.

    Another yes vote for sordid story.

  9. My roommate always gets on to me about not buying cooking utensils not made in Japan. Utensils!

  10. "Sure, I'd love to help, just no public sexual displays with the dog, OK cunt face!?"

    You married chick you!! Damn you sound like fun. The best ones get chained down earl I guess.

    "It's a disgraceful act that occurred in the days I was pretty much an alcoholic and my world was one fuzzy, "

    Um...please...pretty please.

  11. Yes we want the disgraceful story! I need more of your excellent sordid stories to get through writing up my PhD - bring it on!

    p.s recently my mum told me never to buy garlic from China because she said saw a doco that showed them using human waste to fertilize the soil - I know that SIL is coming from a different place for sure but just wanted to pass on that scary poo garlic is not in my shopping trolley anymore.
    Cheers, Olivia

  12. Unless you're going to eat the shrimp raw, I think it's okay to buy them from a developing country. Japanese shrimp are probably contaminated with nuclear waste or something, too -- pick your poison.

    Sordid tale, please. What's the point of surviving an experience, if you can't tell the tape?

  13. Ha, my word verification on my last comment was "punknes."

    That brought back memories of my own sordid tales from the '80's....

  14. Entertaining as always!!!

    Please, please, please disgracful story!!!

  15. It's often more environmentally friendly to buy as local as possible...but I'm under no delusion that she might have been thinking that at the time!

    I'm popping out from the shadows as I was suddenly worried that you wouldn't man the fuck up if I didn't...please tell!!

  16. I think we all have alkoholic stories of our very own, do tell. You are not alone.

  17. yes to the story. don't worry, theres people out there(and maybe even here)with stories just as bad. or worse. anyhow, i don't judge drunks, so

  18. It's true that some countries' farming methods are suspect... it's true that buying local is always better... it's true that especially for fish, a foreign origin probably means it's not very fresh...

    But I just get the feeling from Japanese sometimes that it's not for any logical reason it's just because Japan is better because, well, cos I said so!

    Yes, would love to hear the story! Have a few funny ones of my own!

  19. Die from a banana?! Crikey. The world is a bizarre place indeed.

    Selena, of course, I don't doubt it given her history!

    And um, I came back because I forgot to say in my first comment, another vote for the story!

  20. can't be that bad if a) you survived to tell the tale and b) you even remember it in the first place..... but you have to post it now.

    and I have a craving for sausage rolls too. Do they go with pancakes?

  21. Nothing like the hint of a sordid story to bring you out of lurkdom!
    My life is so boring these days, I need everyone's dramas to spice up my life - sad or what!

  22. You know, the appeal of reading your blog is that you're uncensored and say all kinds of shit that all of us think but are too chicken shit to say! So yes, I'd (very selfishly) like to read your personal post, but only if you feel comfortable enough to publish it! :)


  23. Yes Yes Sordid stories are THE BEST.
    Probably can't beat some of my own, though.
    Japan in the 70's was a pretty wild ride !!!
    Mata ne

  24. Have crawled out of lurkdom to comment... So now you have to write your sordid tale of alcoholic adventures. Plenty of us have our own stories which will probably never see the light of day.....