He's here!

So obviously my lack of blogging has been because... A small person has emerged from my minge!

My birth story is nothing spectacular, basically I had funny pains on Wednesday morning, they got regular enough for me to cancel lessons at the school and to consult dr google to see if they were real but not serious enough for me to tell Ryota to come home from work and just ended up calling the hospital who said I should just come in for a check anyway seeing as though I'd had balloon open up cervix and all, baby might fall out and that would be just messy...

So went to the hospital around 2 in the afternoon and had contractions all afternoon but nothing that I couldn't handle. At about 7 o clock they said I was about 6cm dilated and it would probably be after midnight which just wasn't what you want to hear but can't be helped I guess. The contractions got a bit more painful as if my body was hurrying up to get it over with and Ryota chose this time to go to the conbini because he was hungry... While he was out the doc came in and said "are you tired? Should we just get it over with?" Brilliant display of Japanese efficiency, I was like, "yup, let's do it!" they broke my water and after that it was all go, 30 minutes later and I was in absolute agony groaning like some kind of wild animal and gripping the rails of the bed with such force they shook violently every time a contraction came.

Ryota just made it back in time, chomping on his bread, bewildered at how fast things were happening. After I got the urge to push it's all a bit of a blur but I remember the nurse telling me not to push yet and me telling her to piss off because trying not to push when you have a giant head bearing down on your minge is possibly the hardest thing I've ever had to do. After they had everything in place and and the doc had come to oversee things they told me I could push and I remember the strict but nice nurse grabbing my hands and saying "vinegar arrow San!!! Look at me! Now push!!!!!" If it hadn't been the worst pain of my life I probably wold have laughed. They then told me that they would be giving me the snip and I was all for it, rather a clean cut vagina than a ripped one to my bum hole, I don't remember him cutting me but Ryota said he almost vomited when he heard the 'snip snip' sound it made. Lovely.

After the chop he came out in about 3 pushes, which was surprisingly lovely considering it took 4 hours of that shit with Ash. After he was out and I was all sewn up I felt brilliant, even stole Ryota's bloody conbini bread from him and noshed on that!
After everyone except my mother in law had left (Ryota planned on going to work the next day, fucking Japan!) I experienced something worse than the fucking birth, I couldn't stop shaking, and I'm not talking little tremors, my whole body, every fucking muscle was violently shaking, the worst was my jaw, my teeth were a rattling together so much that I was either biting my tongue or at risk of breaking a tooth, I've never experienced anything like it. The nurse didn't quite know what to do the silly cow so they called the doc and he said I'd had an infection and would probably get a high fever after the shakes stopped. So I stuck a towel in my mouth and waited it out, and sure enough after about 30 minutes panicking that I was going to die, they stopped and I got a 40 degree fever. Was not pleasant but I wa lying down and they gave me some pain killers so not too bad.

Baby boy had a bit of a fever too so they had to put him on an IV for 3 days, but he's fighting fit and sucking down boob at a pace that's hard to keep up with!
We came home on Sunday and this week has been a bitof an adjustment, but we're all doing well and getting our groove!

So here he is!



Making his blog debut! Bailey Kaion Vinegar Arrow! (酢矢ベイリィ海音)

Spoilt?

I have better in-laws than most, especially in Japan where I've heard horror stories of families not accepting a gaijin partner or just not being supportive at all. And even though I bitch about funny everyday things like dog-fucker being annoying as all dog-fucking hell, they are the reason that I can work. As I type between lessons, (no baby yet, thought I was having contractions this morning but they stopped at lunch time!) Ash has been home all day with someone from the in-law camp keeping an eye on him while I've been teaching. So I really have no reason or authority to complain.

But I will, because, well, it's my blog and I'll whinge if I want to...

So after I went into hospital last week the doctor told me while MIL and SIL were with me that I should be on bed rest. Of course I wasn't going to go on complete bed rest, I have shit to do, but I did hope I could take it easy, as in not cooking or doing too much running around. If it had been my family, I think they would have offered to cook and take Ash to kindy, or if they hadn't offered I would have felt comfy enough to just straight out ask them. I'm not comfy enough with my in-laws to demand favours, if I'm really stuck then I'll ask but when it's not a matter of life and death I won't ask. So the day after I got out of hospital I didn't hear anything from the in-laws, I was working until 8pm and hadn't done anything for dinner but didn't want to ask them to feed us so I ended up throwing left over rice and some vegies together to make fried rice but I ended up putting too much sake in it and Ryota was like, "Ummm are we having alcoholic rice for dinner...?" Now usually I'd tell him to shove his fucking rice up his arse, but this was actually a fair comment, I had to take the bowl from Ash before I was arrested for getting a 3 year old drunk from rice. And the tears came, because I felt so overwhelmed. Ryota immediately tried to recover and said "It just got better!!!" but he was right, it was shithouse and I felt like a big failure. I couldn't cook dinner, couldn't give birth, had no support... blah blah fucking drama queen blah, but I think the hormones and mental strain of preparing and then un-preparing for a baby to be yanked out of my uterus had something to do with it.

And there was something else, and I was ashamed to admit it so I kind of fibbed to Ryota, but earlier in the day I was coming home from the school for lunch and bumped into MIL, SIL and the lady down the road about to go out for lunch together. Now, I don't usually have the time to go out for lunch but I happened to have about 2 hours free that day and I was really hurt that they hadn't asked me to go with them. I lied to Ryota and said I was crying because I'd talked to my mum in Australia and she and my sister were going out for the day together and that I was homesick, so it was kind of the truth but twisted around a bit... Ryota of course has little sympathy for this kind of thing, his immediate response is always "Then let's fucking go back to Australia!!!" And he's right, it's my choice to be here, but I do miss going shopping with my mum and my sister, I miss being pampered like a little princess by my family and I hate that I can never have that with my in-laws. I was pissed that MIL and SIL were going out for lunch without asking me and without offering to help me out. Which is ridiculous, but it's the way I felt nonetheless.

It took me a few hours of self-pity and crying to get over it, Ryota skulked off to the in-laws to scab some dinner and I threw my alcoholic rice out with big sobs. Grandma did offer to do my washing, but it was one of those Japanese offers that she didn't really mean but would do if I dumped a load of dirty clothes on her lap.

I guess I have to learn to have a thicker skin and to start asking for things or I'll never get anything I'm looking for.
Most people will think I'm selfish for expecting them to do anything but I guess that's just the way I was brought up, our family is always there for each other, family comes first. It's hard for me not having that support, and then feeling guilty whenever I do accept help.

Dear fucking God I just want this baby out so badly, get those hormones out and let the sleep deprivation begin, the sooner it starts the sooner it will be over and I can get back to my normal life where a bad day involves a beer at the end of it!

The birth that wasn't...

Sorry for the absence, I have a pretty good excuse though, one that involves my vagina being stretched to 4cm open.
So it started on Thursday, I had my usual baby check appointment at 11:30, but because every uterus in a 5 km radius seems to be impregnated, I didn't get in to see the doc until 1pm. By this time I was cranky and bored, but I got a rude shock, after all the routine ultrasounds and shit, the doctor said, "OK, your blood pressure is way too high, we need to get the baby out." Ummm, back it up doc, just a minute ago you were poking around my minge telling me that I was all closed for business, no baby yet! My blood pressure is always high when I go to that damn place, no wonder with the fat lectures I get, and hospitals make me nervous as it is. I've also been pretty busy lately, what with a job, small child and high maintenance husband and all. I would have told him to piss off, except for the past week I had actually been having splitting headaches every day, along with some funky eye twitching, which he informed me is a sign of hypertension.

So I called on the lovely Sassymoo to take over my lessons at the school and dashed home to try and get a few things together, I hadn't even bought the bloody snap crotch panties that you need yet, luckily MIL went on a panty run and then I was in the hospital, all ready to be induced first thing Friday morning.
And Friday morning came, I got the inducing drugs, which aren't nearly as lovely as they sound. Contractions came, but they were pissy little ones, if it had been my first time I probably would have been in pain but I know how intense that shit gets and these were nowhere near what they should have been to push a massive head out my minge. They kept upping the drugs but nothing was happening so the doc comes and shoves a balloon up my fanny and inflates it, which wasn't comfy, but not too bad. This opened my cervix to 4cm, and that's exactly where it has stayed, even now I'm sitting here with an open cervix, bizarre!

By 3pm it was clear I wasn't getting anywhere (and the doc had to think about his schedule) so we stopped the meds. This would all be fine except the rooms at the hospital are all bastard hot so the babies don't catch colds, which is fine, if you actually have a baby! I was stuck in a fucking long sleeved hospital gown with no options for a shower due to the IV stuck in m arm, it really was hell. Added to that was the monitor on my tummy, dear god the dirty gaijin sweat that monitor band absorbed was ridiculous!
So try again Saturday was the verdict. And we did, and I'm no genius or anything, but I figured if the drugs hadn't worked the day before, then they weren't gunna. And they didn't. By that time I either wanted the baby out, or I wanted a shower, those were my terms. The doc came and saw us on Saturday afternoon and said that we could take a break Sunday (his day off) and try again Monday, or we could just leave it and wait for the baby to come on his own. Ummmm yes fucking please!

So we wait! There's only 2 weeks until my due date anyway so at least I won't be waiting too long with my cervix flapping in the wind! I'm supposed to be on bed rest to make sure my blood pressure is ok, but I'm typing this from the school, I don't do bed rest. The doc will kill me if he knows I'm still doing everything I am, but I'm finding for how good my in-laws are at supporting me, they're actually pretty shit this time, but that's a post to be saved for next time...

Until another update or pictures of a small monkey-like creature!

Dog update

After many tears, trips to the vet everyday for IV drips, stress and general drama, the dog is... slightly better!

I am VERY relieved, I know it's impossible I cursed him, but he's been part of the family for 12 years and it would have been sad if he'd died. He's still pissing blood and barely eating, but he can stand up a bit, which is a good thing seeing as though he couldn't move at all for about 3 days.

The reason for his sudden decline?? The vet that is getting paid a small fortune couldn't determine, so, it has been blamed on... My son!
Brilliant! Grandma came up with the bright idea that the other day Ash had (accidentally, I ALWAYS make sure he is not cruel to animals) fallen on the dog and that was what had happened. Now Ash is a big boy, over 20kgs, so falling on the dog wouldn't do it any good, but I have doubts this is what caused him to be so ill. If he just couldn't walk, or had a broken leg I might believe it, but it seems to me there are just way too many symptoms to blame it on Ash. Still, I'll be happy if he is the cause, at least it's not cancer or something terminal.

I wasn't there when Ash fell on the dog, but apparently he kind of rolled off the sofa onto him, they thought it would have hurt the dog a bit but the dog didn't yelp or anything at the time so nobody really thought that was the reason. Thanks Grandma, can always rely on you to lay blame on something to do with me! Not really, but kinda...

In even more shocking news though, MIL has cut her Thailand holiday short and is coming home early! Ummmm what the fuck is going on?! Each to their own, but she really can't do much for him, I wish SIL hadn't even told her! So not only do I not get my rip-off bags, but she's only cutting off 3 days of her trip off, which seems even more ridiculous to me, if she came home the day that SIL called her then I could maybe understand it, but it's only 3 days early which just seems like a waste to me. The bloody dog will probably be running around by then anyway!

Dog guilt

Dear fucking God I cursed the dog with my post!

Un-fucking-believable!
Within literally 10 minutes of writing that last post, sister-in-law informed me she was cancelling her one day of work she has a week and could she please borrow our car because the dog was 'shindoi.'
Now 'shindoi 'is one of those lovely over-used Japanese words that can mean anything from 'a bit buggered', to 'just can't be fucked', to 'on my death bed'. So she clarified that the dog wasn't able to walk and wasn't eating anything.

I instantly felt bad, I didn't mean to curse the poor little thing with my blogging!
So they took him to the vet and he was no better today so he's staying at the vet getting drips and making said vet rich to see if he gets any better, but when sister in law came home in tears she said the vet had kept saying "Hmmm he is really old you know..." I guess that meant there wasn't that much they could do. I personally feel putting him down is the humane thing to do with pets that have had a long life (he's 12) and have little chance of good quality of life, but I dare not say this to sister-in-law (I just feel wrong calling her dog-fucker now...) because she may just have a bit of a mental breakdown.

I offered my help in any way as far as driving to and from vets and gave her an awkward pat on the back, if it had been a normal person a hug would have been in order but the Japanese aren't big on hugging and especially not sister-in-law, so I steered clear.

The only thing that gives me hope the dog will recover, is when sister-in-law went on holiday for a week a few years ago, we all were SO sure the dog was dying, but he's THAT pampered that he was just missing her and perked up when she got home. The timing is interesting seeing as though MIL is in Thailand, I wonder if he'll make a dramatic recovery when she gets back. I made the mistake(?) of mentioning this to SIL and she jumped on it straight away, mailing furiously that her mum should come home asap, she's still got a week of her trip to go and is with her on-again, off-again boyfriend in Bangkok so I doubt she'll want to come home earlier, (plus I want my fake bags I ordered!!) but who knows what the members of this family will do for that dog.

So blogging Gods, I officially apologise for teasing the poor dog, please help him to recover quickly!!

Happy Birthday dear... Dog...?

I'm totally an animal lover, I prefer cats to dogs, but that's only because I love that cats are more arrogant and easier to care for. But is it just me that sees it as weird to get a birthday cake for their pet every year??
Now a doggy cake, I can understand. Some nice steak in his dog bowl, fine. A special doggy treat, OK! But a real human cake that the dog himself can't actually eat...? What's the fucking point?!

I went to the in-law's house yesterday to go and retrieve Ash who had gone there hours earlier, usually I'm glad for the peace and order that no small child brings, but they feed him loads of crap RIGHT before dinner which means I feel like throwing the plate of whatever I've made over his head when he refuses to eat it, which isn't really fair, seeing as though it's not really his fault... Anyway!
As expected, he's tucking in to a big piece of strawberry shortcake, not the cheapo shit either, a real fujiya birthday cake complete with the birthday message plate that Ash was licking. Just as he shoved the message plate into his mouth I caught the name on it and realised it was the dog's name... So SIL had gone to the trouble of ordering a custom made birthday cake, paid for it, (this may have been Grandma because she has no money) gone and collected it and eaten it... Alone. Or with the dog...?
Some of you have asked why I call her 'dog-fucker' and this kind of shit is precisely why. She has an unhealthy relationship with this dog, seriously. I was actually a bit miffed, why didn't she invite us over for dog birthday cake!? It seems a bit less sad if at least there's a gathering for the dog's birthday, rather than just sister-in-law, the dog, a dark room and some candle light. Did she sing happy birthday to him?? I seriously wish I had a hidden camera that could follow her around sometimes. God only knows what happens when she settles down with the dog at night under her futon.. It makes me shudder...

There has been a lot of talk lately about dog fucker ever getting a real life/getting married, but I'm actually more intrigued as to what she's going to do when the dog dies, I swear to God there will be mental breakdowns, tears, bouts of depression... I don't want the dog to go or anything, but he's 12 and seems to be in pain half the time, so him fading away might not be a bad thing, it will certainly be an interesting social experiment to watch dog-fucker's reaction anyway.

It's her birthday on Sunday too, I'm not sure what I should do as MIL's in Thailand the official party organising duties probably fall on my shoulders, but perhaps I'll cry busy pregnant woman and worm my way out of it... What do you buy for the girl with no life and a dog obsession...?!

Come on Japan, let's get with it!

The mayor of Osaka not only forces teachers to stand and face the flag while singing the national anthem. He wants to fire any public worker who has a tattoo.

Usually this would mildly annoy me. However, half my income, ie. Ryota's income depends on this issue, what with him being a public worker with tattoos and all.

Toru Fuckface Hashimoto's father and uncle who are both dead have been said to have been associated with the yakuza and Hashimoto himself was raised in a poor area and probably labelled "burakku." So now he has a hard on for anyone working in the public sector who is mobbed up. Fair enough, Daddy issues, I get it. But firing anyone with a tattoo?? Come on now, this is 2012 where tattoos are clearly gaining popularity for cosmetic reasons, even in Japan. Pop singers have them, surely that means something in this damn country!? Maybe if AKB48 all get matching tatts then wankers like Hashimoto may change their minds...?

A postman in Osaka was fired for having a beard. Is it only me that sees this as a problem...? Luckily he fought the system, won, and got compensation and his job back. Of course he will probably be scrubbing post office floors for the rest of his life, but it's the principle that counts.
 Kids at school will be held down kicking and screaming while make-up is scrubbed off their face and their hair is sprayed black if they've dyed it... I've seen this being done, and that girl was literally clawing and screeching to keep her individuality as it was erased so she could fall into line among the other faceless, indistinguishable black-haired girls. I hated watching it, but I live in Japan so I have to follow the rules to a certain extent and kept my mouth shut.

Is the lack of individuality the reason why Japanese society functions?? What would happen if we were to scrap the rules about looking/acting the same?? Would everyone's brains explode??

Ryota sometimes say to me when we have a difference of opinions (which is often!), "We're not a good team, we don't have the same thinking!" But I want to scream at him, "If I had the same thinking as you all the time, I would die of boredom." I like arguing. I like people who are different. I like individuality! Not to say Ryota is a lemming, there are times where I'm more Japanese than Ryota, but just some issues where he is totally into conformity. He has his bi-annual health check this week, and once again we shall put tape over his tattoos and he will tell the doctor he strained a muscle... in his back, and err... arm, yup, same as every other check Doc!
I really want him to not cover them and see what happens but I fear we're not far enough yet, we need more bearded posties and less Hashimotos before that will ever happen.