Leave me and my Pussy alone!

No, it's not what you think, I've just seen way too many episodes of 'Are you being served?' in my time.

Although this thought actually went through my head this morning along with "Piss off you old biddies, get a fucking life!!" and similar things with lots of obscenities.

I feel like half my life is spent in the genkan these days, either seeing Ryota off for work like the good little wifey that I am, fishing Ash out of there when he's sitting in the dusty pool of shoes with odd slippers on both his feet, and finally, the bloody cat that I, for some reason fought to keep, when she's darting out the door or literally hanging off my shirt wanting to go outside. I've consulted with Dr Google and he assures me, as I suspected, young cats want to go outside. Apparently they need to see/smell/piss on the big bad world for themselves, and fair play to them, being couped up in a house, let alone a Japanese shoe-box type house would drive anyone bonkers (just ask SIL). On an amusing side note, before I consulted Dr Google I asked Ryota his thoughts and he said to me: "She must be horny, she wants to let's get it on!" Gotta love dirty talk and karoke English creeping into your everyday conversations.

So I decided that she could go outside for a bit everyday, she's used to us now, has pissed on enough of our furniture to know this is her home and she never goes far anyway, so problem solved, right!?
Wrong. Wrong. Wrong!! Why is this completely sane idea wrong?? Because I live in Japan, on a dirt path, surrounded by old women who have spent their whole lives being old women (even when they looked like young women) with nothing better to do than get all up in everyone else's business.

The first incident was yesterday morning. We were all getting ready for the day when the cat darted out the door as I was putting the washing on, and instead of doing my usual mad dash down the side of the house in my bra, jeans and half made-up face to catch her, I decided she could stay outside for the few minutes until we all left. Sensible gaijin idea for the day- done! Just as I'd got my other eye mascara-ed but before I had a top on, I heard the wailing from cat-fucker next door: "Vineeeeggggaaaaarrr arrrrroooooowwww saaaaaannnn!!!!!" I ignored the first one but she continued until Ryota shouted at me from the toilet, (in English so she couldn't understand thank god!) "Corinne, the weird cat lady from next door wants you!!" I managed to just get my top on and went outside to see what she wanted, she then gave me a lecture on why cats should stay inside and that I shouldn't let her out. I wanted to tell her to get bent but the memory of me destroying her pot plant was still lurking in my mind so I played nice and thanked her graciously for her infinite wisdom (my hot monk would have been so proud of me!)

The next incident was this morning, I let the cat out for a bit of a romp around (although I really shouldn't let her romp too much, she might end up getting knocked up like her owner did! Must get her fixed...) while I did some housewifey type jobs but just as I had flopped down with a coffee and a bit of trashy TV, the front door gara gara's it's way open and suddenly an entourage of old women shuffled into my genkan. Of course they all had to come in when it looked like the lazy gaijin never does any housework, it's lucky it's not that hot anymore and I wasn't in my undies or something! Grandma then proudly held up the cat and said "Oiii, I found the damn cat, why don't you get off your gaijin arse and keep her inside!!" (I really should stop with the over-exaggerated grandma translations...) I then informed her that I knew she was outside, I'd let her out for a few minutes. Cat shagger then chimed in with "Ohhh, silly girl, I told you not to do that!" Then old lady from other side also said "I got her from near my house, she was crying you know!!" I told them that we'd decided to let her out for a bit each day and they all seriously reacted like I'd decided to poke her with hot coals for a bit each day, the shocked old wrinkly faces, the extended "eehhhhhhhhhh"'s it was all very... my neighbourhood.

The whole thing ended with me bowing and saying thank you in order to just get all these old ducks out of my house but literally as I was closing the door, old duck number 2 said "Put her on a leash if you want to let her out!!" Now, cats on leads is another one of those unbelievable 'only in Japan' pet type things to me. Along with stores devoted totally to pet clothing, and braiding your dog's hair, I really don't think leads belong on cats. That's why people get cats, so they don't have to faff about with fucking leads. It will be a chilly day in hell before I put any cat of mine on a lead!

I plan to continue letting her out each day, maybe after a few months there will be something more interesting for the neighbourhood obachans to concentrate on.