Wednesday 23 February 2011

Breaking points.

We all have them.

Ryota decided he was going on a diet last night after I'd danced around in my underwear poking his belly and relishing in the fact that I was now a whole 10kgs lighter than him. His breaking point came about 10 seconds after trying to just eat a big bowl of Konyaku for dinner, when he caved and went for a big steak.

OK, Ryota's 10 seconds is a bad example, but it was quite funny.

I actually saw Grandma reach her breaking point the other night, and it doesn't often happen. For an oldie she's actually quite patient, considering she has to live with a bunch of fuckers like us. I mean really, she's got:

Her only daughter (MIL): Divorced. A bit mad. Planning to fuck off to Thailand once Grandma kicks the bucket.

Her eldest Grandson (Ryochan): Knocked up the foreign. 'Nuff said.

Her only Granddaughter (SIL): Dog fucker. Weird cunt. Pretty much no job. Virgin. No hope of getting married. Useless.

Her youngest Grandson (BIL): Lazy arse. Never leaves the house. No job. No immediate hope of getting married.

Her Granddaughter-in-law (Me): Will eventually be the head woman of the household, but is foreign and totally incapable of futon management and therefore a useless twat.

Wow, maybe Ash holds some hope for the future...

So yeah, Grandma does tolerate us all pretty well considering she's of an age where she has the right to be grumpy. She's usually pretty even-tempered and will go with the flow. (Unless it comes to futons or how many layers my son is wearing of course.) But the other night, she pretty much lost it, and I must say, it was fucking funny to watch and participate in.

Basically, it all started when we were watching some shit TV show where they were testing convenience store cake and saying how good they were. Considering MIL and I are dieting, we were already drooling at the thought of cake, but they looked awesome, so all of us realised we wanted, no needed that cake. Now.
This is such a Japanese way to think, 'if something is on TV it must be good, let's go get some!!' I wonder how many TV studio executives had to get blow jobs from Lawson people for Lawson to be declared the cake King of the convenience stores. It's like the 'raa-yu' chili oil fad, it was on TV and declared famous and I swear to god it was like finding gold if you got that particular chili oil at the supermarket.

Anyway, I'm a sucker and have totally turned Japanese so I was all for a convenience store run to shove some grannies out of the way to nab the last of the famous cake. When I say I was all for it, I mean I was all for someone else going and getting it for me though. I was already in pyjama mode and had no intention of getting out of it, I did however, really fancy a piece of cake. So my cunning plan was to plant the seed of suggestion in dumb arse SIL's brain that she could take the car on her own to Lawson. I knew this would work as SIL has just got her licence and I remember when I first got mine, I'd drink copious amounts of milk just so I had an excuse to pop out and get some in the car. SIL totally took the bait and I sweetened the deal even more by suggesting that Ash might like to go with her. This was so perfect, SIL out of the house- CHECK. Loud, annoying child with her- CHECK. Cake on it's way to my belly- CHECK and CHECK. I was feeling very smug when everyone agreed this was a good idea. Everyone except... Grandma.

Grandma: (Hunched over the sink doing the dinner dishes) You can't go anywhere now! Not at this hour, not by yourself!!!

Ryota: Errr Grandma, it's like 7:30...

Grandma: Still, It's fucking dangerous!!!

SIL: I'll be fine! Let's go Ash!!

Grandma: You're a fucking dickhead, there's no way you can go by yourself!! Dickhead!

MIL: Oooooo you're grumpy tonight! Did you take your meds??

Me: (sensing Grandma about to blow something) Grandma you should go sit down, I'll do the dishes...

Grandma: NO, I'M FINE....

Me: Dickhead!!!...?

Everyone except Grandma: (Stifled laughter)

She was really pissed, not quite sure why, maybe she was worried about SIL'S crap driving with Ash in the car, and fair play I probably should have been a bit worried about that but the thought of half an hour peace and quiet pushed out the image of my son being horribly mangled in a car wreck. In the end MIL defused the situation by offering to go too, so the 3 of them toddled off while I got a nice, quiet, relaxing bath. They ended up returning 2 hours later because in true Japanese style the cake had all sold out and they had to go to the local shopping centre to deliver on the cake promise! I think Grandma calmed down a bit but I did hear her bitching from my house when they got back so late.

As for my breaking point, I've reached mine too. But more about that tomorrow.


  1. the other day, when grandma had her breaking point, she took off a shoe to hit grandpa on his bald head.
    Yeah, Japanese women are sooo subservient.

  2. It's always nice when you get your cake and get to eat it too. ;)

  3. Lawson
    I imagined it as a man but the B.J. thing is a giveaway.

    It's a Ms. or a Mrs?

    If the Man can quit sugar and carbs (my diet) he can eat steak and meats until his stomach explodes.
    I like steak more than cake so I had an easy choice. O.K. not easy but when steak juice is drippin everywhere I'm feelin pretty good about my diet :)