Friday 13 August 2010

I'm really not sure...

which is better. Being pissed off, or feeling guilty...?

The transition of 'working father breadwinner, stay at home mummy' to 'both mummy and daddy working their bums off and kid dumped at school' has actually gone surprisingly well for us, much better than I thought, although as I have mentioned before, I still feel that I get saddled with most of the housework. It has taken me just over 2 months to realise that this problem is easily solved by me just not doing it and seeing what happens.

I don't mind doing housey type stuff if I have time, like today was relatively free, so I did all the washing, vacuuming and washing up (while watching trashy TV, bonus!).
Yesterday, however was a different story, I had a lot of lessons in the day and the night and I really only had a few free hours to eat, get Ash off to kindy blah blah blah. Ryota had taken the day off, "awwww" you say, nice husband stayed home to help his poor wifey out because she's working when every other fucker in Japan is either relaxing somewhere cool or taking my fucking English lesson!? How sweeet!! Wrong. Fucker took the day off to go surfing!

But whatever, it's the same difference to me, I wouldn't have been able to spend any time with him anyway, he would get his surfing hit and he would have been out of my hair for the day. If only it had turned out that way... There was some typhoon hanging around the area and when he woke up at 4am to drive 3 prefectures over to his surfing spot it was lashing rain so after consulting with his surfing bitch (BFF) they decided to fuck the surfing off for the day and go on Saturday instead. This arrangement is the shittiest possible outcome for me, I had to work yesterday, WITH husband hanging around making the place look untidy and sulking because he couldn't go surfing, AND I also have to work AND look after Ash on Saturday while he and the bitch go off to hang ten or whatever they do.

But again, I was pretty cool with it, I am a laid-back Aussie after all, no Nazi Japanese-wifey type behaviour, just an accepting nod as I rushed around hanging the washing out and thinking about dinner. I didn't even start to get pissed off until I looked at the clean washing piled up to the ceiling ready to be folded and Ryota ensconced in a surfing video. Seriously!? So, laid-back Aussie went to shit and I started on a passive-aggressive housework crusade, you know, when you hurriedly do everything with a stressed out look on your face and every movement is exaggerated for effect. I think it took about 5 drawer slams before he got the point and turned the cunting video off to come and help me. I then decided he could fend for himself for dinner as I wouldn't be home until 7 and was just planning on having toast. He then offered to cook dinner, for all of us, that never fucking happens! So I agreed but had little thoughts off how much of a mess he was going to make and what he was going to discover lurking in the crisper that I hadn't thrown out to nag me about. But I just agreed to keep the peace, and was kind of looking forward to not have to cook!

So when I got home, sure enough, the kitchen was a mess, the rest of the house even messier, Ashton not bathed and general chaos, BUT dinner was waiting for me! A first in my married life I believe! It was omuraisu, which is pretty easy, but something no matter how hard I try, can't cook the bastard. It was great, but I kept feeling the need to apologise for making him cook and that I felt bad! How does this work!? He had the day off, it's not like he had anything else to do, but the female-ness in me just felt that he shouldn't be in the kitchen. Isn't that bizarre?? Is it because I'm in Japan?? I'm sure I had no problem with my ex-boyfriends cooking for me, I didn't feel guilty then!? It was at that point that I asked myself, Would I rather the shittiness of having to do everything in the house and the school and fulfill my gaijin/wifey duties? or, be less stressed about the house stuff but feel guilty and live up to the 'ballsey gaijin' image...?

I'm really torn, maybe the fact that this is what he presented for my dinner didn't help...

Maybe if he just wasn't so damn nice about it!


  1. Bless. :-) What a lovely gesture.

    I have to say mate that you have TOTALLY been in Japan for too long. ;-) Never ever feel guilty about your hubby cooking for you when you are working and he has a day off. (AND you didn't even have to hint/force him to do it- bonus!!) In the UK/Oz that is what is known as common sense (also a bit of a miracle as he did it on his own volition! LOL!) :-) He probably felt a teensy bit bad about ditching you to go surfing on Saturday as well so I would just enjoy the gesture and hope he continues to make them!!

  2. aaawwww! i almost want to try some omurisu now. almost.

    i wouldn't feel guilty, either. he probably did feel bad about the change in plans, and did this to show you how much he loves you! lol

  3. awwwwwwwwwww :) made me a bit teary ... messages in mayonnaise and all :)

    I think we mums are meant to feel guilty whatever we do ...

  4. Aww you two are hopeless romantics, obviously! Now I feel even more guilty for feeling guilty in the first place... hehe

  5. hehe Fi, Yeah, Mayonnaise messages are the height of romance... Best I'm gunna get anyway!
    I know right, I think when we had children some guilt device was shoved back up there! ewww...

  6. Sneaky little manipulator! Tell him it's going to take more than mayo love letters!

  7. Cute I admit, but hub only resorts to tom sauce heart marks when he's apologizing. Take it and don't feel guilty :D

  8. Awww! やさしいね? But, being the pessimistic, questioning wifey that I am, I'd still agree with Generic Jen B, that it's probably not totally because he felt like lavishing you with cute-lovey food.. Sneaky bugger, your hub. Haha. ;)

    It's just me too (but probably other wifes too), but I'd be grumpy if my hub had a BFF who was a girl, and who could surf really well(?) along with him, and I can't surf worth a shit. Lol!

    In my case, that would translate to a girl BFF for my hub who is a chef, where they cook stuff together????.....I dunno. Lol. That's sounds even weirder.

  9. Mayonnaise is like the least sexy condiment out there. Had he written it in chocolate sauce, I'd feel a tad guilty.

  10. Before I left to come to Japan many moons ago, a friend said to me "Oh, you're gonna have to learn a whole new set of dating rituals!" It's only now that Im actually married to one of the locals that I am beginning to understand what she was implying. Gender expectations in relationships are completely different here than back home.

    The dinner was a lovely gesture and not what you expected, eh? Enjoy it and don't feel guilty. Though I have to agree with Adam W about the choice of condiment lol!

    I see I have made it on to your blog roll. I feel honoured. Thanks for adding me!

  11. oh NO! You're being assimilated! Do not feel guilty at all. Enjoy it! There's no reason why he can't take the time to chip in around the house now that you're working too.

    I'm currently beating this into my hubs head. I told him I'm fine with doing the housework and cooking if I don't have a separate job, but if I'm working, I expect him to split the housework responsibility with me.

    In theory, he has agreed. We'll see how the practical application plays out :P

  12. No, don't feel guilty, Midori's right, it's just common sense. You'll get used to it. I can handle DH cooking for me now. It IS good to feel grateful though, and thank him.

  13. aw... ketchup hearts! wonder if you serving up the same would melt his heart and let you go to the beach for the day with girlies whilst he has bubba?!? next weekend?!

  14. Can't stop grinning about the ketchup heart and love messages in mayo! That's horribly corny, funny, and far too cute all at the same time!