Just call me Gretel...

As in Hansel and. But let's change it to 'dopey cow Gretel' then we might be close.

You know those days when you wish that you had go-go gadget legs so you could give yourself (and others) a really good kick in the arse? Yup, having one of those today. So everyday this week, and from here on in, I plan to dump drop off Ash at kindy and then go straight for a run, do the supermarket shopping despite tomato face and sweat issues. That way, I'm home in time for about 10am to open the school and get my shit organised. If I come home after I leave Ash there is just waaaayyy too much watching of Beverly hills 902010 and other unproductive activities going on. And it's been fine, I did it everyday last week and it's really not that bad. Today was. A. Stinker though, as in, I was sweating when I woke up and it hasn't stopped. All I can say is, thank fucking god for air conditioning. But it was all good, sweat is good for the weekend detoxing that is always necessary, so this morning I left Ash, rode to the local pond running track and off I went.

About three quarters round the track, I happened to look at my arm for some bizarre reason. (I wear one of those arm band thingies when I run with money and keys and stuff in it.) It was then I realised my little arm thingy was a teeny tiny bit open and I looked just in time to see a 100 yen coin sailing through the air. I had my ipod blaring to try and numb the pain in my legs so I hadn't heard anything dropping. I quickly cursed myself in English for being so stupid (it was the 1st of many today) but figured it was no biggie, I didn't have that much change in there anyway. If the 10,000 yen note that was in there had gone missing it would have sucked but it was fine, so I closed the zipper and trotted off on my merry way, gaijin boobs bouncing away giving the homeless dudes something to chuckle about.

It wasn't until I reached my bike puffing and panting that I realised I was up shit creek without a paddle or bicycle key. Now, I can't remember how many times I've told myself it's incredibly stupid to have both bike keys on one chain but it's many. Anyway, the keys were gone. I thought that they may have been at the spot where the 100 yen coin had fallen out so I walked back round to that spot. No keys. Walked to rest of the track. No keys. My eyes were all fucked up from looking at the ground for so long by this point but decided to do one more time round. No. Fucking. Keys. I did however, find a lovely little trail of my coins the whole way round the track, (hence the Hansel and Gretel reference) picked up about 12 yen in one yen coins!

I then accepted my fate and decided to traipse home but was so bitter the whole way home knowing how sun burnt and stupid I was. So got home, and realised I had no idea how I was going to get my bike back. I turned to good old facebook to plead for help, I knew for sure some other poor gaijin bastard just as stupid as me had surely lost their keys in a drunk stupor at some point. Facebook advice said to find the bike paperwork and go back to the store. It took about an hour of rummaging but I finally found my little slip of paper that said I wasn't in fact a thieving gaijin but a rightful bicycle owner, and drove to the bike shop in the car. was so chuffed I actually found the paperwork I thought the hard part was over. Wrong.

Now I didn't like the staff at this shop when we bought the bike, they were very, hmmmm, what's the word... minimal? They didn't make much of an effort for us and despite buying shitloads gave us no discount at all. But whatever, a bike isn't really a discount kinda thing.
So get there and explain the situation and all the guy said was, 'we can't help you unless you bring the bike here'. And he just kept saying it over and over again no matter what my reply was. I finally got a bit pissed off and asked him how the fuck I was going to get it here when my car is the size of a small matchbox and it's 30 something fucking degrees outside. He gave me the same response as before so then I asked him what people with no car did. He just sucked air through his teeth and said nothing then. Fucker.

I ended up begrudgingly dragging BIL out of his dark pit of a room and got him to bring the big car to cart the bike back to the shop but you think they'd have spare keys or those keys that can get into any bike?! I was willing to pay for that shit. Anyway, the lock was changed. Ryota will no doubt get angry at me and tell me he could have broken into it using his fine teenage criminal skills but was going to be a fuck around either way I guess. I will DEFINITELY be keeping a spare key somewhere safe from now on though. Live and learn.

On a happier note, here is a video of Ash being the weirdo that he is...