Saturday 5 June 2010

Oh yeeeeaaaahhhh! The pervert magnet is back!

Yesssss! I can now say I’ve had my first pervert attack since having a baby and becoming a frumpy housewife! Woooooooo! Well, Wooooooooo! in an ‘Eww gross!’ kind of way. And I can’t really count it as a fully fledged, stereotypical Japan pervert attack either, but still.

So was sitting at the school (we call her link-chan, cos it’s like our baby, and, you know, we’re really lame.) and it was about 6:45pm and getting dark. I had a Junior high school class at 7pm as their schedule was so booked up, that was the only time they could tear themselves away from club/ cram school/ study/ sports and whatever the fuck else Junior high school kids do with their time here, helllloooooo future train jumper! Anyway, was waiting patiently, and around the 6-7pm time frame is actually a really a good time to be at the school, everyone is on their way home from work or school and we have positioned my desk so I’m in full view of anyone on the bus, in cars or walking down the street. The down side is that I can no longer pick my undies out of my bum in peace, and I have to have a ‘I’m a super-friendly fun gaijin!’ smile plastered on my face 24/7, but the up side is that the blond foreign girl does attract quite a lot of attention in our sleepy little part of the world.

Every night this week I’ve had reactions ranging from pointing at me from the car, or a shushed “Oi, look, it’s that bird from the flyer we got!” to people full-on just striding in and asking what I’m doing or making general chit-chat and telling me to ‘ganbatte’ (go for it). Of course their ‘ganbatte’s’ would be much more appreciated if they forked out and actually took lessons, but the thought is there I guess.
So point is, I’ve been used to random people coming to the door and making conversation, to which I am a very good business typey person and always stand up and go to the door and bow and act like a general groveling twat as per the system of customer is god here in Japan.

So when a dude in a cap came to the door, I didn’t think anything of it, looking back, when he said “kirei ne” (pretty) I thought he was talking about the school, but as it turns out he may have been talking about my (non-existent) gaijin rack. He was muttering though so I couldn’t be sure of what else he said but he was talking in a way that after a few seconds it clicked in brain that he was “special.” My sister works for a disabled care home in Aussie so I do actually have a lot of sympathy for those poor buggers who by no fault of their own are a bit soft in the head, but it’s still hard to deal with all the same. I really couldn’t understand what he was saying but when he stepped up into the entrance way and started wanking at me, well, it was quite clear that words weren’t really needed. Although I’m sure he said at the end, “Can you fart for me just once? Please?”

Now in situations like this, no matter how creepy, scary or dangerous, I laugh. It’s so bad, but I giggle like a school girl, always have when I’m nervous. So not knowing what to do I said “Hee hee ahh ha ha no, no I won’t fart, hee hee! bai bai!” And shut the door. When I later relayed the story back to my in-laws their advice if it ever happens again was to:
MIL- Get your phone and snap his picture.
SIL- Punch his disabled arse down and kick him.
Ryochan- Call me and I’ll come and kick his disabled arse.
BIL- He grunted, cos, well, he’s a bit slow and was still digesting the story.
To be honest, I wouldn’t have the balls to do any ass kicking, disabled or not! Go back and read my ‘wanking on the door’ story some while back for proof of that! But when the poor lad is obviously not right in the head, it’s really hard to go all “sekuhara” on him, don’t you think? My biggest concern is that if he were to hang around when we had kids at the school, that would just make for bad business.

Anyway, as I said, can’t be treated as a totally legit pervy incident but definitely close enough for my liking!

OK, woah. Seriously, just finished typing this and had to go piss, was in the toilet and heard his voice calling out “Oneeechan!!” “Kawaii onechann!!!” Holy fuck, it’s about the same time as yesterday, does this mean it’s going to be an everyday thing?! Lucky I was pissing at the time because I think I would have weeed myself if I’d still been sitting at the computer!! I stayed in the toilet cowering like a little mouse and called Ryota but when he got here it was too late, he’d gone. Man, imagine teaching a couple of shy little 13 year olds and that shit walks in the door!? Soft in the head or not, his parents need to take care of him and make sure he’s not out terrorizing gaijin and their fragile little new schools. Ryota has now instructed me to keep him chatting but try not to get jizzed on and call him the minute he comes to the door next time (no pun intended).



  1. Ummmmmm yikes?! What the heck... that is scary. I def. would hope next time (if there is one) you can get Ryota around to scare him off.. that is not a daily visitor that you need.

    You are cute tho!! See if you don't have a baby around you are available for nanpa!! Go you, you little hottie ;P

  2. Sorry, bit of a giggle there. Not fun for you though. Get a pretend camera above the front door, tell the local policeman if it happens again just so that its on record and Ryota wont get arrested for kicking the poor retard in the nuts next time.

  3. I think telling the local policeman is a good idea too. Maybe they know him or of him, and can tell his parents or caretakers or whatever to keep a better eye on him. I hope he doesn't make it a habit to stop by everyday though. What a pain.

  4. aimlesswanderer7 June 2010 at 21:54

    This was just weird. Definitely talk to the police and get them to get him help or something.

    Why are no hot chicks flashing me? I feel left out.

  5. omg..i feel so sorry for you...a few years back, there was this crazy man who showed up outside my place late in the evening(conveniently when my sister was away)..i'm a chicken when it comes to answering doors so i instead went outside on the front balcony and asked who it was. A tall 50ish looking man answered. He was like " Can you please lend me $5, my wife died in a car accident last Sunday, i have no money, I promise i'll pay you back"...i was shaking the whole time he was talking. Like a complete fool, i freakin apologized to the guy for not having any money on me. Now looking back, i realize i should have called the cops or atleast given him a warning to not ever return . That was such a scary experience. A few weeks later, again late in the evening, another middle aged loner looking guy showed the past few years, i've had atleast 3 different crazy men show up at my door. I warned the second 2 men not to ever trespass into my property and threatened to call the police. Luckily, they left without creating any problems as soon as i mentioned the word "police". So i totally get you..a guy wanking off sounds even worse. Stay safe!!!!!!

  6. OMG what an awful situation, although trying not to get jizzed on - that's something you'd never learn at business school!!!!

  7. Why don't I get perved on? Everyone else gets the crazy, perve-packed fun. Simply not fair.