The rules of towel and gaijin gohan...

I can’t believe it, just when I thought it was safe to go back into the wifey waters after the rules of fish disaster, I get slammed down again! Technically I should divide these two into separate posts, but seeing as though they happened at the same time I just feel they belong together.

Let me begin with the rules of towel. As you may or may not know/care, Ashy bear is going to kindy Monday to Friday so I can make some dosh and we can all have some sanity. And usually I’m ok with all the kindy name-writing, temperature-taking bullshit, it’s the system, I gotta give a little, I know. But lately our cheap form of child care is becoming suspiciously expensive (not really, I am just really tight, but still). The little bastard pink envelope which means I have to fork out for something has been in Ash’s pouch everyday this week, first it was the 5 (crappy) photos that the sensei told me I just HAD to have because they show Ash with a bib on and sitting in the sandpit, and even worse about the damn photos is that I wanted to take some on the day but they said cameras weren’t allowed! Next it was 2000 yen for something that I had no idea what it was and nobody could explain to me in English, Japanese or any other language. Apparently it’s some form of festival thing, which if I’m honest I’d just rather skip, none of the J-mums talk to me anyway because they are ‘nervous’ or get gaijin panic or whatever, and I always feel like a shag on an English rock at those things. Anyway, just general crap like that, so yesterday when we got a letter home about July being the month the kiddies would get to play in the pool I thought I was set, mum sent swimmers from home, got a cheap wet clothes bag from the 100 yen store, he has sandals and we have loads of towels (of all bloody sizes I might add) so we were set! No more buying useless crap because the kindy said we need it! Or so I thought…

After MIL re-reading through the list for me, (because you know, I’m a freaking idiot and all) she quizzed me on what towel I intended to take, as the letter had specifically said a ‘sports towel.’ Now if I see sports towel, I imagine they want a towel that is not so big they’ll lose a few brats under it for any amount of time, and not so small that it will only dry his chin-chin. Right? WRONG! The rules of towel have spoken! A sports towel is very different to any other towel and must be bought especially!!!! Now MIL is going to Thailand for 2 weeks anyway so I said “Ok I’ll take care of it” and was going to just fob her off and then do it my own way but she started giving me directions to the nearest sports towel shop and I just soooo wasn’t in the mood, so I said that I refused to buy a new towel on the principle of it (unheard of in Japan I feel) and I would take a small-ish towel, if they said anything they can like it or lump it. There was then a huge uproar on how I couldn’t take just any towel, the teacher would definitely send it home with orders to buy a sports towel. Fuck me dead, seriously, Japanese people just have way too much money. A towel is a fucking towel. Fuck. Off.

Phew… Ok, next is the gaijin gohan incident. After I made the towel stand I was a little flushed and everyone went pretty silent (apart from the sounds of Grandma rummaging around to try and find a sports towel in the closet and diffuse the situation) so I decided better time than any to break the silence and give Ash his dinner before I pissed off to the school. I’m getting quite good at cooking dinner in the morning then heating it up for whoever will eat it while I’m slaving at work and today was no exception, I made creamy tuna pasta which is good because we can all eat it and it’s a one plate meal. Easy. Simple. Minimal washing up… But this is Japan after all. Ash loves the stuff, who wouldn’t love pasta, tuna, carrot, parsley, onion and cream?? So I got him a portion and started to feed him. AS I was feeding him, Grandma, no, ALL the in-laws instantly starts attacking the foreign dinner. Not rice? No good!
This is seriously some of the comments I got:

Grandma: What the fuck is this? Spaghetti? Ohh, pasta? It smells funny!

MIL: Is this all he’s getting?

SIL: (To Ashton in a really surprised ‘can’t believe it!’ voice) Oishii?!?!

They then all agreed that the bean rice in the rice cooker would be done soon and that he could have some of that.
The bastards just totally tore strips off my dinner and decided that bean rice was better!? I couldn’t say too much because, you know, they would be looking after him for me when I left, but still, cheeky bastards!!

OK, it's now two days later... Have calmed down on both issues and even went shopping with Sassymoo and Princess P and got a sports towel! (Grudgingly though!) And I am now pleased to announce that I am typing this from the school so I now have Internet at work! Yipppeeee! No traipsing home in rainy season to get my super important Internet resources like blogs and facebook and stuff! Oh dear, this may be dangerous, may have to make a lesson just on blogs or something, may not ever get any work done.. However it does mean I can be a better blogger and commenter, I've decided to post every day in July, don't hold me to it though... Right, best piss off and get my shite together for my little Harry Potter look alike I have coming in tonight, he's incredibly nervous but a nice kid. I've started a blog for the school that you can see from our school's website, here. It will be similar to this one minus the swearing and bitching and personal details... So pretty boring I'd say. Let's see if any of you supposedly "native speakers" can pick up on any of the sarcasm I include...

because you know I will.