Our weird little genkan on fire neighbourhood

The "street" we live on is full of old people, (I use "street" because I don't think a gravel path, cluttered with plants, bikes and general shite so that cars could never get through counts as a street) we're seriously the youngest people within a 5km radius and lucky for all the old ducks, they're so bloody deaf they don't hear Ashton screaming at 2am.

And not only are they all old, there are some serious weirdos within the group, and the other day I found out an horrific piece of gossip about one of the ones who I thought was semi-normal. So here's a rundown on the houses around us, there are 6 houses on each side:

Left side

House 1~ are kind of friends of MIL, they have a son the same age as BIL and 5 FUCKING DOGS! Seriously, I love puppies, but 5 in one house are noisy/smelly/annoying as fuck, let alone a teeny tiny Japanese house. I think the husband likes me because he's always so nice to me but everyone else says he's a bastard who never does the aisatsu deal. The wife is also quite cold and all the old biddies hate her and her noisy dogs.

House 2~ is a little old lady who I have literally seen once since we moved in. MIL calls her "little round ball lady" because she's short and pudgy, which is rich considering MIL isn't exactly Claudia Schiffer! I don't know how little round ball lady gets food from the supermarket, she never goes out, meals on wheels maybe??? There was some rotting garbage stench in the neighbourhood once and I said someone should go and check to make sure she hadn't carked it and was still in the house. I don't think she has family or anything, poor petal.

House 3~ OK this is where the bizarreness really kicks in, and these are our next door neighbours. Husband and wife and Emily the cat.
Where do I begin.
OK I know that loving your pets is normal, but the obsession the wife has with her cat is really not OK. She takes her everywhere she goes, talks to her in baby talk, takes her for walks and get this- takes a bath with her! A cat, people! I hear them in the bath together: wife husband and Emily. Eugh the mind boggles. And when she calls her name she uses this voice that I can't describe in words but it's seriously haunting and freaks me the fuck out. "Emmmmiiiilllllllyyyyyy..... Emmmmiiiillllllyyyyy!!!!!" *shudder*
The weirdness doesn't end with these two though, they have sons that never talk to them for whatever reason (probably because mummy loved the cat more than them!) and there was a massive argument a few years ago because the wife accused another neighbour of hitting on her husband!!
I wish I had a picture of the husband because if you saw him you would know how ridiculous that sounds, he is like a creepy bad teeth old J-dude. I don't like him because he never says hello to me but it may just be gaijin fear as he helped renovate our house when I was in Australia out of the kindness of his heart.
The wife also has an obsession with airing out futons, she does it way too often. I'm pretty lazy with airing out futons, but this lady takes it to the extreme, sometimes when I get up with Ash at 4am I'll hear her bashing her little stick against them to get the dust out while chatting to Emily.

House 4~ that's us! I think on a scale of weirdness we rate pretty high in Japan, me being an alien and all.

House 5~ is our old deaf dude neighbour who never makes a sound. He's very nice and always wants to see Ash when we go out in the stroller. Sounds normal, right?
Well he is, apart from his girlfriend. His old duck girlfriend is the lady who lives in the house behind ours but I don't think they could be fucking, she's like 400 years old and seriously crazy. I can't say how, but she has this shrill voice and likes to interrupt people when they are talking. The hood power biddies really dislike her and always try to cut her out of the flower bed conversations. They take little walks together to the supermarket which is cute and MIL said she saw them saying goodbye one night at the path where the houses divide and said they shook hands! How cute!

House 6~ we reaaalllllyyy don't like. The woman is a bitch who never says hello and will blatantly ignore you. She is also loud and has a husky smokey voice. Don't know why that annoys me as well, but it does. Her husband went into a depression a few years ago and refused to work so she has to work 2 jobs, so maybe I can forgive her a bit for being a bitch...

Right side

House 1~ is an old lady and her son who we call "the killer." He has that creepy look about him that gives me the willies, and he's a 50 year old man still living with his mummy the tosser. He also says she needs exercise and sends her to the conbini to get juice for him the lazy cunt. Old lady is on last legs according to Obaachan, she fainted during a flower bed discussion once and her voice is getting pretty slurred. She's nice enough though, gave us some star wars toys for Ash just in case he grows up to be a massive nerd.

House 2~ is Kumi-chan. Ohhhhh Kumi-chan.
It's actually a really tragic, scary story. Kumi-chan is now in her 40's, but when she was a baby she fell down the stairs (and I know how dangerous that can be!) and hit her head and was severely mentally damaged. Her mum must have felt sooooo bad, she was completely normal until the fall. Very sad. But now poor Kumi-chan goes mental bashing the walls and screaming every. single. night. I know it can't be helped but it seriously adds to the craziness of our hood in a big way. If you ever stay at our house you'll definitely hear her.

House 3~ is the in-laws. Directly opposite us! Woooo....Hooooo?
Divorced MIL living with rebel Obaachan, dog-loving-to-the-point-of-weird SIL and lazy little bad boy bastard BIL.

House 4~ we call "Korea" in a horribly racist affectionate way. She was born in Japan but her parents were born in North Korea and they still speak Korean at home. Just husband and wife now, and wife was the one accused of hitting on our neighbours husband. I'm 200% sure she wouldn't have been hitting on him, she is just really really....loud. And forward, like more forward than most loud obachans, possibly because of the Korean influence but that could be my too-long-in-Japan skewed view of the world. She's very nice to me though and has taken to walking every day because I made her feel guilty when she saw me going jogging.

House 5~ is 'crazy washing lady.' And she is. She washes at least 5 times a day, probably more. The veranda is constantly filled with washing and she's always out there putting new loads out. She also had a massive fight with 5 dog lady a while ago because of the sound of the washing machine going at 2am was driving her and everyone else nuts. Very quiet, always too busy washing for greetings.

House 6~ is the one who I thought was normal but is actually very very fucked up. It's just a single guy now, around 50 I think. He must work a lot because I hardly ever see him. The bizarreness is in his past. MIL informed me that when he was in primary school, his mother stood in their genkan, (house entrance) poured petrol over herself and set herself alight. Ummmm, hello, does this shit really happen in real life?? On the street I live??? Every time I walk past the door now I get a little shiver at the story. Apparently father was cheating and she just couldn't handle it so killed herself. IN THE MOST HORRIFIC MANNER EVER! That dude must seriously be scarred for life, no wonder he buries himself in work.

So that's it, our crazy little corner of the world! I told you it was crazy!